Christmas TIme

Merry Christmas, and happy holidays! Wishes for a profitable and fulfilled upcoming year. I hope you achieve all you want, or at least that you enjoy the next 365 days of the New Year 2011. May you make the most of it. May you make your own reality, and find the peace that comes from following your heart, and where Christ may lead you. That is my Christmas card greeting. I’m sorry, I am just simply not one of those missionaries who’s “on the ball” with e-greetings, etc. I guess I didn’t even think about doing that until now. I think you’ll understand, and bless you for doing that!

Today is the 18th of December 2010. Just a week from Christmas day. Having spent most of the last year here in Honduras, I am pondering how my view of Christmas might look slightly different here. I will be away from my family, and my normal traditions. Certainly no snow. Actually, I’m still not sure exactly how I will be spending the holiday. I will be spending it probably with the Martinez’, who have been my “host family” even though I do not live with them.

It’s strange. I see Christmas decorations, Christmas lights, wreaths, and even some Santa Clauses hanging around, but somehow I find it hard to find “the Christmas Spirit” this year. Or maybe every year one just has to choose to grab the warm fuzzies because circumstances cannot always yield them.

A friend from the church I attend has asked me to help with the Christmas Eve service, so I will be helping and re-oiling my rusty fingers to help play some Christmas hymns. It has been good for me. Sometimes I actually forget that I took 10 years of piano lessons, and that I know how to play music. (Thanks mom for financing that skill in me. I may have taken it for granted, but I am truly thankful for it, even now when I rarely get to use it.) Anyways, so I have been looking at the words of the hymns and trying to see what they might mean to Hondurans and also to myself, living in a different culture, with different rules to life. Here are some thoughts on them.

Away in a manger no crib for his bed. The little Lord Jesus laid down his sweet head. The stars in the sky looked down where he lay. The little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay.
-Could it be that Jesus understands what it means to live in dirty, contaminated, unsanitary conditions? Where there is no clean water, and people sleep in dirt? Could it be that Jesus understands the little children who walk the streets, meanwhile the dirty corrupt politicians ride in their caravan of security guards, inside the security of their fancy car cages? Could it be that Jesus can resonate with the children in the villages who will never have the opportunity of education, and ability to improve their quality of life?

Hark! The herald angels sing, “Glory to the newborn King! Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!” Joyful all ye nations rise, Join the triumph of the skies, with angelic hosts proclaim, “Christ is born in Bethlehem!”
-Does the Christ child know what it is to not feel safe leaving your house after dark for fear of the danger and violence? And what is mercy mild? God and sinners reconciled. Not sure what that means either.

A new Christmas song was introduced to me, really beautiful medley that goes together with “Silent Night.” It’s words are pretty typical Christmassy style, but anyways, here they are:
Peace, Peace, Peace on earth and good will to all, This is a time for joy, this is a time for love, Now let us all sing together of peace, peace, peace on earth.
Man, where did these Christmas composers get the idea that because ions of years ago because a little baby was born that a certain time of year we would have peace on earth. That people might suddenly love each other, and stop needless violence. Maybe Christmas is a time where we just express our prayers for these sorts of yearnings. I have become recently very aware of the pointless violence that is raging here in Honduras. Less so here in Siguatepeque than in the big cities, but that does not mean that it isn’t still a problem in Siguat.
Last week I was able to make a trip to visit my friends Adam and Marisa Clymer Shank from my small group at my church “The Table” in Harrisonburg, Virginia, who are now on their own 3 year terms with MCC in Nicaragua. It was a great time to spend some meaningful chats and spending quality time together, also exploring the touristic sights around Managua. Ken and Sue Horst, my VMM tranSend director came down to evaluate my location, give some support, and then accompany me to Managua.
It was a good time of reflection and encouragement.

However, the trip also raised my awareness of the rise in corruption and gang violence. In talking with a “brother” from the church in Tegucigalpa (still in Honduras, on the way down) who drives taxi for a living, I was made aware of the reality. He told us the story of recently getting ‘attacked, or ambushed” by some gang members who took his money, and also demanded 20,000 more Lempiras (about $1,000, a whole lot to demand of any middle to lower class Honduran family) or his family would be the ones to “pay” for it. Of course, this all happened not without physical injury of breaking his clavicle. He had the sling to prove it. (Don’t ask me how safe it was for a broken-clavicle man to be driving, but we’ll disregard that fact.) The taxi driver cried a little bit that morning just in giving us a ride from the guest house to the bus station. I don’t know. It’s just hard to completely identify with that sort of circumstance. I have to deal with the violence by working around it. But for this man it is either work and take the risk of being robbed again, or stop working. Just circumstances I will never have to deal with. If I show up missing, the U.S. embassy will look for me. If I get robbed of all my money, I have a family and a support system that can pull me out. Blessings I have that people here just don’t. This world is so unfair. Why does my friend work from 7 am-7pm and make peanuts for wages, has to support his fatherless family, and have to share a room with his sister. Why did he lose his opportunity for education? Why do some kids get to go to bilingual schools and have the advantage of 2 languages, when the others get less than adequate education, of course only till 6th grade? This life is not fair.

I don’t tell this story to make my mother afraid for my safety. Don’t worry mom, I still live within the gates of the hospital bubble, and live a pretty sheltered life here. But I do reflect on this story, because it can be a pretty desperate situation! When you can’t get any taxi drivers to pick you up at 7 pm because the stop driving beforehand due to the danger of driving at that hour, you kind of get the picture a bit better. This guy said that if it happens to him again, they will have to take his life because he already loaned out all the money he could find to pay the last attack.
So back to my prior statement. “Peace on Earth,” perhaps is the prayer, the cry of the human heart, especially for those who live in a system where the mayors and leaders of the country walk hand in hand with the gang members, the drug cartels and police. It’s pretty hard to see that as anywhere near a possibility when people get guns pointed in their chest to take from them a $15 cellphone, or $10 in cash.

I think the hymn “O Come, O Come Emmanuel has a different meaning to me now that I am no longer in my comfort zone of Wellman, Iowa, or Harrisonburg, VA.
“O come o come Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel, that mourns in lonely exile here. Until the Son of God appear. O Come thou dayspring, come and cheer, our spirits by thine advent here. Disperse the gloomy clouds of night, and death’s dark shadow put to flight. O Come, desire of nations, bind all people in one heart and mind. Bid envy, strife, and quarrels cease; Fill the whole world with heaven’s peace.”
Ah yes, Heaven’s peace would be nice. Even in my own soul, this hospital, Siguat, Honduras, Central America. The world.

As for a personal update, I again, have let my blogging get quite behind. As I mentioned, I got to take the trip to Nicaragua. I have been putting a fair amount of time into teaching and preparing. Teaching in Spanish is by far one of the most challenging, frustrating things I’ve ever done. However, it’s been a good review of my own nursing knowledge, and a good learning experience, and also special to be able to interact with the girls in this way. These girls are also my co-workers, so it’s kind of a strange experience sometimes, but I’ll take it.

About a week ago we had a Friday night party where the nursing students and the graduated nurses who all live on campus all joined up at the doctor’s house where I live to decorate the Christmas tree, eat pizza, watch a movie, play games, and just enjoy a fun evening. It was a fun event to be a part of. I will say though, the cookies were a disaster. But it was fun anyways. 

So it looks like I will be moving to my own apartment here pretty soon. I will still be on campus, but moving into my own little area. If only there was a Goodwill here!!! Apartments here do not come with refrigerators, counters, ovens, or anything. Pretty much a bare shell. So that’s a new challenge trying to find the best deals for these appliances. It’s an investment I wasn’t expecting for sure. I am hoping it will be a positive step for me here.

Hey, did you know it has now been almost been 10 months that I have been here? Thanks to you, my friend. For your prayers, thoughts, emails, and financial support. I am grateful for it. I may fail to keep everyone updated (obviously) but it’s just because I am trying to keep myself involved here, and I forget that maybe some of this stuff might be of interest to my loved ones at home. To be completely honest, having internet has very much kept me in touch with home, and sometimes has me missing the delights of home. But as a dear cousin states, “When in the U.S. we enjoy things that are of the U.S. When we are in Honduras, we enjoy the things of Honduras.” So I am blessed. My mom reminded me of how cool it is that I get to experience Christmas in a different country. How many get to do that? Best to take advantage of it, and enjoy it.
So what are the things of Honduras that I enjoy?
-Espresso Americano: a coffee shop chain that sells the best frappaccino for a about $1.25.
-La comida tipica: tacos, enchiladas, baleadas, flautas for very reasonable prices.
-Friendships made here
-the opportunity to learn Spanish
-Learning healthcare in another culture, and seeing how that works.
-The opportunity to travel a bit, also meeting other foreigners.
-Many others.

Anyways. I do hope you are doing well. You know what's hard? Investing in your current community, but also really wondering what is going on in the lives of your dear friends at home. It's hard for me. Facebook helps a little with that. But nothing, nothing nothing beats a good chat over coffee, a warm handshake a church, a hug at a family get-together. Maybe when I get back we'll have a chance to do that.

Anyways, thank you so much for reading this SUPER long blog update, and reading my musings, even if a bit jumbled. May the holidays be a special time, as you count your blessings, and enjoy where you are at.
Love, Malerie

Through the good and the bad....

Heidy Ho, hola hola hola. I find myself back again after a time of being extinct. Thanks for bearing with me. Man, time passes fast.

I'm going to summarize this updates in points:
1) Trip to Belize to renew passport visa
2) Learning to become the charge nurse on the floor
3) New baby in the Plank family: aka. I'm an aunt!
4) Haven't started teaching yet, also haven't started planning, which I'm embarrassed about. Working full time is hard to have the energy left to use your free time to plan, but I really truly am stoked about it!

So, in general, pretty good spirits. It has been really hard for me to not be present in Iowa with Allyce, my sister, while she went through labor, delivery, and the adjustment of moving home with the new little baby (Eva Maria, 7 lbs 3 oz). I didn't know Allyce was pregnant when I left for Honduras. So, it was definitely an unanticipated sacrifice. It's strange, because when other babies have been born, I've always kind of been like "big deal." But this baby is different. It's really surreal to see this beautiful little girl in pictures and understand that this little human being is of my blood, and of my sister. I guess I just feel like I'm missing out, and that I would like to be there to help Allyce. It also kind of set in as to how much more time I will be here.

Don't get me wrong. I really do like Honduras in general. I do not regret committing 2 years here. But some difficult and frustrating experiences have presented here. Frustration with the culture, frustration with my work facility, with the community in which I live, frustration with the everyday happenings of violence, robberies, assaults, and fights, frustration with communication, frustration with being so separated from my friends and family at home. Experienced expats can laugh at me, but I think I have a right to think these things. I'm pretty new at this living in another country thing, even if it has been 8 months. I'm just not really sure how to deal with this stuff. Do I accept the frustration? When is it worth it, or even acceptable to try to change the source of frustration? How much can one really add to an established facility as a newbie? Just really difficult questions. Sometimes i'm embarrassed to state my thoughts b/c they may just seem kind of ignorant and stupid. I mean, what were you expecting, Malerie? You went to a third world country, were you hoping for cheese and wine?

I took an obligatory week trip to Belize, which was pretty great. Would have liked to travel with a good friend, but it turned out fine, apart from the fact that I lost my camera on the way back. I tell you, I have the worst luck with cameras, EVER! I took a ferry across the gulf of Mexico and landed in Dangriga, Belize. By far the WORST boat ride ever. Just really really rough. But on this trip I was introduced to the world of international travelers: European, Brits, Australians, Belizeans. Very cool. It's quite impressive how many languages these people can speak! I'm not sure that I am cut out for long term (talking 3-4 months of free international travel). I like to travel, but I also like to be at home with internet and phone access, not living out of a backpack.

The last month or two I got trained to manage the floor during the shift and be charge nurse. My Spanish is improving, but still proves to be a pretty big challenge sometimes, but thank God, the girls are learning the way they need to speak to me so that I can understand what they are telling me. It was a good challenge, and made me appreciate the chillness of the other shifts when I'm not charge nurse. But it was just nice to be challenged again, and help me utilize my critical thinking skills. i find myself enjoying Intensive Care as well, which really doesn't end up being too high acuity, but usually a busy shift, which I like. I think little by little respect is won between individuals, which always feels great when you feel like one more coworker was won over to having report and trust. Of course with that, always comes the threat of breaking that trust, which is kind of scary too.

The doctor I am living with came back from his 5 month trip to the U.S. to visit his sons and family. So it's nice to not be living in this big house alone, but of course will be an adjustment after living alone for a while.

Well, I think that is about the end of this post. Hope you are all well. I haven't forgotten you. As always, thank you for your letters, thoughts, prayers. This month I received a care package and a snail mail letter from some friends, and I about died from glee. :)
Take care!

Happy Independence Day, Honduras!

I found myself downtown today, watching the "desfile", or the parade, because henceforth, even though all of September here is pretty much a celebration with morning songs from downtown rising up to my house (an elevated one) with drums and rhythms, and yeah, I still don't really get where it comes from, and why i hear it as if it were outside of my window, though it's a good half hour walk from here. Anyways, I find myself in good spirits today.
The parade lasts a good long while with mostly highschool and middle school kids representing their schools, or a cause such as "caring for the environment" or "preventing Dengue" or carrying flags of the 5 Central American states as, if I am not mistaken, all have their independence days in September, maybe even on the 15th. These included countries are: Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Costa Rica. Not exactly sure why Belize and Panama are not included. Some history there that I obviously have not done my homework on. Also, I was informed today by an expatriot from Spain that North Americans don't know anything about culture. All in light jest, but still. As I always say, behind every joke is a half-truth, and no doubt about it, most Europeans really pride themselves in knowing that being their countries are so close, they are full of culture, and us rich Americans truly just don't know the slightest thing about culture. I don't know. compared to them, probably it's true. I was raised in a place that didn't value other languages, or at least didn't promote the importance of learning other languages. But whatevs. I'm here now, struggling with learning another language at the age of 24 aren't I? Too bad I wasn't raised in bi and trilingual schools like they were. :)
Also,today I was presented with a plan for me to hopefully start helping teach and give nursing courses in the nursing school on campus, which although will be a true challenge, I'm stoked to find something to throw my efforts into. I think inevitably, it will have to help my Spanish too. So, with some review, studying, and enough effort put into my power points, and lots of prayer for guidance, I think I'll be okay.
Sometimes I really wonder what the world I'm accomplishing in being here. Is it just self-improvement? Am I adding anything to this hospital and community? Would I have been better off studying more in the U.S.? Sometimes these feelings really can get me down. Also feeling like I don't understand this culture, and never will. Sometimes I feel like I am not respected here for being a gringa, for my language struggles. Sometimes I get hermity and stay in my house more than I should. But you know, there are days like today where I feel hopefully and even content with my confusion. Ever so slowly I'm building a group of friends, a church family, and it keeps me happy through the struggles. I'm finding that when you reach out and make yourself available, people receive you when you find the right folks. :)
Want to know a struggle that really ticks me off. I'm not sure if I will ever get used to the comments the girls make about weight here. I have now been told twice, straight to my face, that I look like I'm gaining weight. Straight up, without shame, without any thought that this could be offensive. The first time I was so shocked and offended I didn't know what to do. The second time I mentioned that in my culture this is offensive to a woman. (especially if its true.) and also, they are not my friends. Who do they think they are telling me this without any respect to our coworker relationship?!?! Cross cultural differences? Yes, I think so. I think the next time I'm going to tell them that they look awfully fat in their scrubs, maybe they should consider eating less tortillas. Kidding, I would never do that, just giving an example of things that happen when living abroad that are hard to swallow. I will probably never really shrug off those things. Sorry, I lived 24 years in a country where getting fat is not really funny or fun, and saying it out loud will never be acceptable. It's hard to change that mentality, and I don't feel I need to. well, I suppose changing that mentality would sure make it easier to shrug off those comments.
Also, did you know that if you whip instant coffee with a little water and sugar till it's foamy and then add hot water and milk you have one delicious cup of joe?
Well, I will leave you with that. Keep on loving each other, and showing love to the world. Everyone needs it. Blessings!

to be noted...no pics=boring

I apologize for the boring visual of this blog. stupidly, somewhere on the way to the U.S. in June, I lost a baggie I had of my camera charger, my Ipod cord, and along with that, my camera cord to download pics. Blug. I was actually going to do that tonight too. Lame. Maybe I'll have to see if I can order another online and send it down with one of you when you come to visit. ;)

6 months in...

So I am a half a year into this. Time is so relative so I don't really know if it's gone fast or slow. Either way, half-way is certainly 182.5 days, so whether or not it's gone slow, it doesn't matter.

My good friend Brianna visited me this past week. I had some days off, and we went to the island of Utila and enjoyed the sun and sea for a couple days, and then spent the last 7 days here in Siguatepeque. I worked mornings, and she either relaxed, did some of her own work, or she got involved in volunteering at some local organizations. I was blessed to have a friend from the states, who knows me well, to now know where I dwell, and what are some of the challenges I am facing.

Today (Sunday) I found myself at church twice, napping 2 hours in between, and surprised to have a last minute call from some friends who wanted to come over and hang out. It was a good day, even though I was sad to send Brianna off, but my friends filled that gap, and I am thankful. We ate "catrachos" with is a tostado (corn tortilla thinger) with beans, parmesan cheese, and a salsa-like mixture called Chismol. Catrachos is the slang word for a Honduran person. Spanish can be pretty fun.


I'm not going to lie. It was a tough week that just passed. Morning shift is always a struggle with some of the dynamics of staff relationships, and really just me trying to figure out what is my role at this hospital. What are their goals, what are mine? How do I be effective without stomping on feet? What are my abilities anyways? Am I capable of teaching nursing students with my level of Spanish? What does student supervision mean? If I am not capable, am I stuck washing beds and doing the work of any other Honduran nursing assistant can do? I feel like I came on this with a humble heart, but the level of nursing work I am doing has certainly taken a beating on my pride. I have had to stop and ask myself, "just what am I doing this for and for whom? Am I truly doing this for God, or did I actually come to do this for myself?"

And what does effectiveness mean? Change? Well, that's not going to happen. I know it's not my job to change the hospital, but I see that it is my position (tactfully and respectfully of course, always) to put in my opinion. After all, I am an employee, a registered nurse with my bachelor's degree. It's tough. As an outsider, where are my rights, what are my responsibilities? Yeah, not sure. Living in another culture, much less working in a completely different system is very very complex. The complexity of language, communication, culture, change, healthcare, and most of all, one's character, and how they healthily deal with all of those things. This, my friends, is the thorn in my flesh. Am I faithful enough to complete this task just exactly how Jesus Christ is calling me to? Every step? What if it means doing exactly what I am doing now? Because it might be. The change must be the way I deal with it, the way I process it, and the way I choose to exert myself in a way that is actually helpful to this. I feel like I need a master's degree or something to do this. But then again, I might be in the exact same position.

On another note, little by little, I continue to meet new folks, establish new friendships, and the loneliness of living alone diminishes some. I know that God is calling me to spend more time centering myself in quiet times with him. I'm starting to find people who I can trust in, people who care about me genuinely, and that is a wonderful thing. It makes all the difference, actually. I do find myself missing my friends and family from home, but I am slowly building a community here, which is truly rich, and really helps me to grow. It's pretty inspiring meeting people from all areas of the world, and getting their input in issues. I like to know how others really truly see North Americans, and understand the reason behind it. I like to see how they approach their social issues, healthcare, education, etc. I tell you, nothing expands your world view quite as much as meeting people from all over. I feel like if work was going smoother, this would be my dream 2 years! :) But I believe that God's plan is perfect, and staying in that will truly prove to be a very rewarding experience. Also, Spanish--still struggling, but I'm finding little by little I'm understanding larger quantities of conversations, which is obviously very encouraging.

anyways, what's new with you?
Love Malerie

hay un accidente!

Last night I found myself in the emergency on my first evening training there. Not that it is so different from other shifts, but I surely could not manage it if I had to work on my own, so this week is designated for the ER. Maybe it's the luck I bring or something, but around maybe 3:00 pm or so, we received 14 people coming in from a car wreck. It was not clear to me until the end of the whole ordeal what exactly had happened. But folks from the more rural areas hop on a pick up truck in the back and ride in together. So if one truck overturns, you've got a 14-victim accident. We got people coming in from pickups and cars, and all sorts of things. Many just got some pretty harsh road burns, others had dislocated shoulders, others had some pretty bad cuts on their head and face. There was a baby who was so very lucky to have made it out with some scratches.
What really stunk was that I felt like I didn't know the first thing to do. I suppose there is no better way to learn than when learning experiences present themselves. So it was taking vital signs (manually of course with a BP cuff) and taping them to the legs of the patients, and then Dr.s come in and assess the worst ones first, and from then on it's prioritization as to who is the most grave. After vital signs, it's getting basins with soap and water, and trying to wash people up a little, calm them down, and put gauze on their cuts. Then, it's the dr.s turn to write up a reference, and write any orders for IV fluids if they see it necessary, and get them ready to ship off to a hospital that is better equipped for these folks. Also, most of these folks cannot afford a private hospital, so that is another factor one considers when thinking about referring.
All that said, I think everyone is going to be okay with some stitches, casts, immobilizers, rest, IV fluids, and observation. It was chaos. Maybe not for everyone else, but for me with my Spanish levels, and newby levels of understanding a) Emergency care b) Hospital Evangelico's way of treating mass emergency c) students and nurses and doctors working together, it was chaos and confusion. I tried to just be available, and tried to step back and observe, and assess if someone needed to be watched more carefully and was being overlooked due to other distractions. Also, once in a while I went and checked on folks to make sure they knew we were watching them, and caring for them. Some of them were pretty scared. Two girls not over the age of probably 14 were there without their parents, obviously scared. A pregnant woman kept asking what had happened to her. I don't know. It could have been my newness to trauma and emergencies.
One success, I didn't get dizzy and have the feeling of fainting! Usually when I see ripped up skin and bloody faces, I start to get a little whoosy, but maybe it's more like when one is a passenger they get carsick, but not when driving. Maybe it's something like that. Anyways, it was awesome. I think I could get the hang of this.
So, that's an insight into a very interesting evening shift for me. Stressful, but in the end, definitely a good learning experience.
Other happenings: Enjoying having other folks living with me at the house. Work is going pretty well. I found someone who wanted an English-speaking conversation partner, which has been a fun new contact/resource/friend for me. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Those are always useful! I appreciate it all.
Love, Malerie

Back in Honduras

I have found myself back in Honduras after 3 weeks visit in the U.S. It was a good time of spending quality time with family and friends. I got to have a nice ride one summer evening in Iowa City on my bicycle. I tried to do everything that I do not have the opportunity to do here in Honduras. I think I was able to take advantage of that pretty well. Hiked in Virginia, met friends over many a cup of coffee or dinner catching up. Orientation, as mentioned in the previous post proved to be a good time of reflection and learning. But I find myself back here where I was sent in the first place, and I feel pretty good about that. It was a little harder in some ways this time around leaving the U.S. knowing it will be a long time till I go back, but I think that is actually good. It can kind of mess with your head when you go back and forth from what you consider home, and where you are supposed to be making your home.

Yesterday I went on a retreat with the nurses here to a retreat center where we went up on the highwires, securely attached of course, but nonetheless, really high up. It was fun, and I did realize some of the things that hinder teamwork, and what hinders me in particular from joining the team that is in place here at the hospital.

I start back into work tomorrow on 3rd shift. I'm finding myself quite tired these days, adjusting back to Spanish immersion. I love learning Spanish, but it can certainly prove to be a challenge, and super-humbling. Also, I have 2 girls from Seattle visiting Siguatepeque doing some work in the area, and are staying at my house, which has been really great company, and just nice to meet new people from a different area of the U.S. with different ethnic backgrounds, and new outlooks. I'm thankful for them being here.

Anyways, I hope that you are finding peace in your lives, and can feel Christ's presence in your life, even if all else is kind of crazy. or maybe that is my wish for myself too. :)

Orientation

I find myself on a Monday, 3rd day of orientation. A lot a lot of thoughts, feelings, and some tears I have encountered today. I am tired, and all I really want to do is sleep, but I'm finding the increasing need to journal, and process the thoughts that were rolling around in my head today.

I was acutely aware of the sacredness of the opportunity we have as we approach assignments abroad in service and missions. I was reminded what missions are about. Well, maybe rightly educated today by a pair of married, experienced missionaries who are very active not only abroad, but here in their own community in Harrisonburg in the world of missions. I will call them George and Mary. George started out their time of sharing with his testimony, saying that it does directly relate to missional approach. In a nutshell, George was called into ministry simply because of the joy and wonder and transformation he had found in his own salvation. It was not out of Christian criteria, or guilt, or obligation, but simply because Jesus had so radically intervened in his life and gave him hope and joy when he had none, when all other resources had been exhausted. After he made the realization, there was nothing else to do but to share that with others who lacked that power source of Christ.

So that first impacted me, as I have lost what missions exactly is. I have lost what "the good news" or the "gospel" truly is. It is nothing more but Christ coming into our lives and conforming us from people without hope, to people with true joy and love. Living in Christian influence my whole life, the post-modern world has certainly had its effect on me. I have faced the questions our post-modern society has proposed and failed to have answers. I have fallen into cynicism when people use words like "evangelism" and spreading the good news, and saving people for Jesus. but somehow I have still held onto this "call" to go abroad. How I got this far with a slightly tainted view of missions, I do not know. I mean, missions are super-complicated and that is for sure. There are a million dynamics one needs to study and consider before doing something like this, but I think I have been working so hard on those dynamics, but have been so badly failing at the heart of the matter. I think the heart of it is this: Christ has impacted my life. If nothing else, I am convinced that Jesus Christ is real, and for whatever reason, Christ has led me to serve in Siguatepeque, Honduras. The process is not a simple one, but I am going to work to serve to the best of what I can, with the guidance of the Higher Power. I don't even know yet what that all entails. But there isn't any other way. As they say, in Spanish. "Ni Modo." There's no other way.

Long waits in airports are lame

Disclaimer: This post is coming from thoughts that are coming from sitting in an airport after missing my flight due to slow border control people. GRAR! Getting delayed 9 hours after not sleeping last night due to a 1:15 am flight gives me right to be grumpy, I think. Man, I am ticked, but at some point one realizes that one is powerless to change the cards, so you just try to see the positive in the situation.
So here I am sitting, just like hundreds of other technology-infested humans of all different races on my laptop, fighting for a plug-in since our cell phones, ipods, and computers have gone dead. First of all, I HATE sitting long amounts of time in airports alone. It’s another thing if you have someone with you, but sitting in Fort Lauderdale alone, knowing Mom and Allyce would have been ready and waiting for me in Chicago at 9:00 as planned had it not been for the U.S.’s obsession with keeping out agriculture and terrorists and illegal immigrants from different countries. Second of all, I hate being just as stereotypical as every other person here who is so involved in their technological devices that no one sees the need to hear the story of the stranger who has been sitting next to them the last 5 hours. This world is nuts, and sometimes I think I’m going nuts too. God help us.
The airport, however, is a ridiculously interesting place to study anthropology. There are people here from all over the world. White North Americans here in Fort Lauderdale airport are certainly the minority. It is kind of fun to try to see how much of random Spanish conversations I am able to understand. But the vanity of the world sure comes out. Women consistently reapplying their make-up, people buying $8.50 breakfast sandwiches and $4.00 cups of coffee. People endlessly fiddling with their cell phones and iPods. Everyone with their own criteria. A whole bunch of random strangers in one weirdly shaped building. People being herded around, all heading to their own destinations. No one seemingly having anything to do with the other.
I did get to sit and chat with a Honduran while I was waiting. This is always a really interesting experience after being in Honduras and hearing so many people say that their dad, brother, uncle, or maybe even mother is in the U.S. now working and sending home money. It’s interesting to see the life of an immigrant on the other side, and see his viewpoint. This particular fellow has been here 15 years. Made me feel better that I don’t know Spanish so great after 4 months. Still, it was a pleasure talking to him. I decided I would take advantage of this time to practice my Spanish. Also, this airport has iffy, but sometimes accessible internet, and lucky me, I brought my laptop. So, I officially am one of the ridiculously privileged persons in this world.
This is just a plain out lonely experience. I hate being lonely, and I hate being alone. I have not been without a cell phone since my junior year of college. You know, I don’t have a working cell phone right now, and I hardly know what to do with myself. Well, these days with everyone walking around with unlimited minutes, whatever. People have been willing to share their phone with me to call Mom and Allyce. Maybe there is some good in this world. Life was meant to be spent with others, making friendships. I have talked to a few, but you get to be the weirdo who won’t stop talking if you chat for too long with the new stranger you just met. 9 hours spent alone in an airport is entirely too much. I want to sleep, yet I don’t because it feels weird with people stepping around me, and me laying on a dirty ground, never knowing if I need to be worrying about my possessions or not.
It also bothers me that this little bump in the road had such capacity to upset me. I am on my way home, in pretty good spirits after 4 months of being abroad. And I am not a mean person, but I knew that if one more delay against me comes, I would probably not be very self-controlled, possibly get ugly. I might as well admit that to myself, because it is true. Because this is not only me, it is my family who has taken off work to come get me. All because the staff couldn’t hurry themselves just a bit. I missed it by 10 minutes. 10 minutes. The plane was still sitting there!!! I could have just popped on! Just crack the door. I’m fast! Anyways, I hope Mom and Allyce have found something fun to do in Chicago while they wait for me.
Maybe I am not only grumpy from lack of sleep and a missed flight, but also from a bit of shock of re-entering life of fast pace, fashion, money, and whatever it is that is spinning the wheels of this strange place. And when did those ugly leather cuff shoe-sandal things come into style? Whoever decided those were cute certainly didn’t ask me. I’ll just be glad when I get home and get back into something that is at least semi-familiar.
So I have been reading “My Utmost For His Highest” the newer-English version by Oswald Chambers. One day this week, he wrote that we are able to recognize the faults we like to judge in people because we possess them in our own hearts. If we are not already guilty of the same thing, it is because we are very capable of the same sin, or downfall. Shoot. That about sums up anything I have ever judged anybody on. Lord, may we be slow to judge, slow to anger, and quick to love. Man, those words are so much easier to say than do and follow through with.
So, the world cup is in high gear. Never did I even really know about it until this year, and Honduras is playing in it. So far, has lost 2 of 2 games, unfortunately. 1 left again Switzerland. I don’t mind though, the excitement of just going and experiencing the excitement of the Hondurans is pretty fun in itself.
I sort of left the hospital thinking that I could slip out without anybody really caring or noticing. Of course that is not how I wanted it to be, but I just don’t like to make a bit deal of the fact that I am already taking a trip home after only 4 months. I was blessed to have some girls from the hospital come visit me before I left to tell me they would miss me. That blessed me, at this point, I feel pretty good about coming back.
Well, I think 2 pages should be enough. Hopefully I will survive the next several hours. Wish I had friends in Fort Lauderdale to come visit me!!!  Blessings to you all. More to come. I’m especially looking forward to VMM orientation in Harrisonburg after a couple of weeks, and of course, seeing my friends and family!
Love, Malerie

Always something new

I am sitting here on a Monday afternoon, realizing it is time for a post, and struggling to collect my thoughts and funnel them into a blog that won't leave you wondering who in the world I am and why in the world you are reading this blog. :)

Something kind of weird happened this morning. I was scheduled to work at the hospital first shift, which is 5:45-2:15ish. So I got up, ate my breakfast, drank coffee, showered, you know, the usual. In report I randomly got really flushed and felt like I was going to pass out, twice! My blood pressure was on the low side for me, but not all that low. They let me go home, where I proceeded to go back to bed and sleep for close to 5 hours. What in the world was THAT? Was I simply just tired? Was I anxious? Am I actually physically not capable of working that early?

Just the week before I had worked first shift and realized that the charge nurse that works mornings is in general not a very pleasant person at work. For whatever reasons, probably personal, she doesn't treat me well, and I am realizing, no one else either, except of course her superiors. (That may tell you some of what I have experienced in Honduras regarding status and heirarchy struggles.) I had mentally prepared myself for the day on my way down to the hospital. But who knows? Where does a person get this idea that just because finally she is in a position of power that she can treat those "under" her badly? (by the way, I am actually her peer, being that I do have my degree, and she is still studying to get hers. But I did not come here to play that game.) Weird.

I was just catching up on the blogs of several of my friends who are also living abroad. Several thoughts came to my head:
-I am so lucky to be living in a protected environment. I rarely am scared of being robbed. It can and most likely will happen at some point while I am here, but I do not live in a place where I am daily afraid of the danger that is out there. It does make me sad though that in so many places here in Central America, Africa, wherever there is high levels of poverty, there are high levels of violence and danger. That really stinks.
-Living abroad is such a crazy experience. With natural disasters at hand, robberies, dealing with racial and cultural issues, communication language issues. Why do we crave this? Why do we leave the comfort of what we know to experience the chaos of living abroad, not even assured that our efforts will be profitable for the hosting culture? I think if I could KNOW for certain that my work here will bear fruit, I would be a lot less shaken by the culture shock I experience.

Last week I had a bit of a time of doubt, sadness, and just hurt. Already explained above with dynamics of the hospital, I left one of my shifts feeling quite down. I know my heart wants to be here to be of assistance where I can, and often I feel like it is not wanted amongst, well, probably just 1 or 2 of the nurses. Thank God for Norma, my colleague, Honduran/Argentine mother, mentor, boss, all of the above. She encouraged me to continue on, and to hold on tight to what I was certain God called me to. I was reminded at church yesterday that God says we WILL run into difficulties and problems. There's no maybe about it. I was able to come back with more encouragement. This week has improved with a few more good interactions with people at the hospital. A visit to a friend's house, where I met her mother and family. Always important to me, that I get to see where my friends/coworkers come from. Some come from comfortable homes, but not all. Many come from small humble homes, with lots of siblings. Always an interesting experience, as, naturally, it is quite different from what I was raised in.

This week we have also been blessed with a visit from a group of 3 people from a church in California who have been trained, and now giving training in Peace and Conflict Resolution. (as you know, being a Mennonite, that always excites me.) They have been giving courses to the bilingual schools, at the hospital, and church. I am thankful for their own expertise, and desire to train us. Another really cool thing about them is that part of their work in their own church is missionary support. They emphasize supporting of the missionaries. They realized when their missionaries were coming back, deflated and discouraged, something was lacking. So they formed a group to go and visit their missionaries (in this case it's Norma and Enrique) and making themselves useful where they can. I am looking forward to attending some seminars this week, as well as having them over for dialogue and dinner on Wednesday. (another blessing of living in a house with my own kitchen.)

So, I am leaving June 23 for the States. I will be going to Iowa for the first 2 weeks. Get to be with my family for my birthday, and for a little baby shower for my sister, who is quite a ways into her pregnancy. So that's all very exciting. Then, off to Virginia for a week, which I am also very much looking forward to. The purpose of Virginia is to attend the 5-day orientation into Virginia Mennonite Missions tranSend program. yes, I have been here 4 months already, but I believe that there is a purpose in all things, and am praying I get some sort of essential information that will help me along in my time here.

Well, must be going off to my Spanish class. I got lazy for about 2 weeks and allowed myself a break, only to realize that I must continue in these lessons to keep my Spanish improving, henceforth increasing my ability to communicate, henceforth making everything here just a little bit easier.

Thanks for reading. I am a blessed girl. And that is very clear. Blessings to all of you!
And if you are in Iowa or Virginia, hope to see you sooooon!

April showers bring----May Rainy Season and lots of bugs! :)

Oh my, another couple weeks has passed already. I am enjoying living at my new housing location. I am enjoying going to the market, buying (super cheap) veggies, and making my own food. I also like the option of inviting people over if I want to.

Today I was invited to a fellow nurse's house to eat with her and her husband for lunch. We then went to the house where her siblings live, and then went to church in the evening. I have to say, it was just really nice. I felt like finally I might actually be starting to establish friendships. She had the patience to speak slowly and clearly, and I was just really happy to have had this experience. I have learned to celebrate the small, but substantial successes.

I just found out due to passport timing and legal deadlines, etc, I will be flying to the U.S. at the end of June for 3 weeks. (which allows me to be home for my 24th birthday on July 4). In some sense I feel a little unready just because I don't feel adjusted here yet, and it feels like it is weird timing to already be going home for a visit. But it will be good to see family and friends, and take the time to reflect on my time so far. Also I am looking forward to a week or so to be spent in Harrisonburg, VA, attending the orientation of tranSend, the program in which I am in Honduras under. I am praying that I will gain some useful input that will help me as I continue adjusting as an American in a new country.

Well, I didn't have parasites. I did manage to get a little of the "Central American Diet" as I call it, or, rather, Rotavirus, which pretty much is a digestive system virus. I got over it fairly quickly after a trip to the Dr., some antibiotics, IV fluids, and several days resting at home. I have to say, I don't know if I've ever experienced lack of appetite, but I certainly did at this time. It was probably good for me, being on the other side of the healthcare system, as the patient. :)

Work at the hospital is going about the same. Some days are great, some not so great. This past week I spent orientating in the intensive care unit, which I really actually enjoyed, even though it took a lot out of me to make sure I was practicing safely, due to my struggles communicating. Also got in to watch my first natural birth. That was a really neat experience as well. This week is night shift.

Prayer Concerns:
1) Continued Spanish progress
2) Making friendships and good relationships with my co-workers
3) Preparing for my trip to the U.S.
4) my cousins in Tegucigalpa as they prepare to move to the U.S. in June
5) The hospital, staff, administration, and patients
6) The health of Norma, my "Honduran/Argentinean mom."
7) Wisdom in finding my place in this ministry/hospital

As always, thanks for reading! Thank you for thoughts and prayers and support. Love you all. Hope to see you when I get to the States.

Honduras Happenings

I had the blessing of visiting my second cousin Melanie Miller and her husband Mark, and their 3 kids in Tegucigalpa 2 weekends ago. It was such a wonderful time, getting to know my cousin I never really got the opportunity to in the U.S. In this picture, is also Melanie's cousin on the other side, Janice. We got to take advantage of a beautiful Sunday afternoon after church and went hiking for several hours. We ended the evening with making sushi and mango ice cream! So goooood, and a lot of fun. It was so wonderful to be around a) family b)other fellow Mennonites c) seasoned missionaries who gave me some really great insight. It was also fun to get out of town for a few days and see a different part of Honduras. (pictures, taken from Mel's blog :) Thanks Mel)


There are a lot of things I could talk about here. But I am just going to take a second and recognize God's ability to provide what I need, right when I need it. Nothing less, sometimes nothing more.....but this time, he did provide more! I have been looking into the next place to move into as my host family has been great, but knowing it was a temporary arrangement. We have a retired doctor here on campus who has a house he needs watched for the next several months as he travels to the U.S. to visit his family, and more. And who got asked if she was interested?! ME!!! So, probably in the next day or two i'll be packin' my whole two luggage bags with my belongings and moving up the hill to a beautiful house with a great look-out over the city, completely furnished, completely a blessing. Talk about provision! I'm sorry, I could attribute that to consequence, or I could just call it as it really is, a blessing from God.

Spanish of course remains a challenge. It's weird how Spanish can go really well somedays, and the next I really struggle, which unfortunately sort of mandates how my shift goes at work. But I figure what other option do I have? Keep on going..........trusting it will indeed come with time and more practice. I have Spanish lessons all this week, which is helpful.

I mostly have been working in one area of the hospital. Sometimes it gets ho-hum, as it really is the general floor, what I worked in the U.S. But I realize that with my level of Spanish, it's probably all I can effectively do. So I am trying to be patient, and be content with sticking to what I know. I work second shift all this month. It's only bad for my social life. But every other aspect of my life loves it, since my body has been accustomed to this schedule for close to 6 years now.

Tonight was pretty cool there at the end. A woman walked in with THE largest pregnant tummy I have ever seen. Well, after all, she did have triplets in there! So in she went to surgery where they did a C-section, and I got to see their first bathing, shot of Vitamin K, weighing, you know, the whole newborn process. So amazing to see the buns directly right out of the oven!!! They didn't even cry, well, until the Vit. K injection of course. Beautiful little lives, wrapped up smelling of sweet and innocence, and wonder. Wow. I was only frustrated because I realized that the students caring for the babies knew way more than I do when it comes to newborns, or at least how to take care of them. One of the benefits to working on a floor that takes care of all populations, not this specialty stuff.

So reflections on the hospital. I was told that they are trying to integrate a more integral approach to the nursing care as it is still more of a team-care approach. I see so many things I think would work better if done differently, yet so overwhelmed, knowing I have to wait to suggest, knowing I don't really know how to go about making change, knowing that I am not an expert in any of the above, and more just overwhelmed as I am sometimes feel I am blindly exploring where my role is in the nursing staff, and in the hospital. Again, more time and patience. I also realize over and over that I am a spoiled nurse from the states, with unlimited supplies, with the utmost expectation for the highest patient care (at least in the hospital I worked.) Resources here are NOT limited. People wait for months for procedures, people travel 5 hours to see a urologist. People have to evaluate the cost of a procedure done in a private hospital, as it might mean they have to take their family member to a crappy state hospital, with pretty bad conditions. Hospital Evangelico may be hot, it may lack supplies at times, but it is no doubt CLEAN. And in general, the staff does pretty well in the care of their patients, despite the fact that there are few RNs.

So, prayer list time;
1) the last paragraph: that I can find where God wants me in this community. That he will help me discover what exactly he called me here to be (and do). Where are my gifts, where can I plug them in, and when?
2) relationship building, despite Spanish barriers: for friends, for a church family
3) for me to continue reaching to God for the answers, to search to be closer to his desires, rather than relying on myself and what I think I should do.
4) The hospital: always, for the administration, for the students, for the training of the staff, for the faith of the community, for the leadership.
5) For my cousins Mark and Melanie as they prepare for lots of adjustments in the coming year.
6) Passport/Residency issues

Praises:
1) No amoebas or parasites yet!
2) Housing situation
3) New friends
4) God's presence, especially in the lonely or difficult times

Thanks for your love and support, prayers, messages, letters, emails. Each and every one is greatly appreciated and enjoyed.
Love you all!
-Malerie

Culture Shock

Probably the worst part of culture shock for me is that my rationale does not function correctly. The worst part is that I find myself getting angry at Honduras for being so confusing and difficult to adjust to. For example, I find myself getting frustrated with the hospital staff because I can't understand them all the time, and they often can't understand me. Is this their fault? NO! Of course it's not. I do wish that some would take the time to listen to what I am saying, even though it takes a bit to get out my thoughts. I find people assuming what I'm trying to say, and it's not at all. Or is it just that I am saying my thoughts completely wrong??

I think I am feeling the normal cycle of adjustment difficulties. I don't like the way that the hospital operates, or is it that I am missing part of the process? See what I mean? So not only am I frustrated at the way the hospital operates, but more I'm frustrated, because I am confused most of the time. Or am I frustrated just because it operates differently from how I was trained, and suddenly I have to become as Jesus preached, "becoming like a child to enter the kingdom of heaven." This is, apparently, required when trying to function in another system/culture. Oh the joy of crossing cultures.

This week I looked in the mirror in the bathroom and thought to myself "an American girl (gringa) with less than sufficient Spanish working in a Spanish speaking hospital in Honduras. What in the world was I thinking? God, why did you call me here?"
So this is what I mean when I say, "You can discuss all you want about how one should react when crossing cultures, but you never know how you will actually react until you feel the chaos and craziness of trying to adapt to a new culture." Oh man.

This week has been a mix of observing surgery (which I still get whoozy when watching) working in the hospital, and observing specialist doctors see patients. Today I got into a baking madness as I made some chocolate cake and carrot cake for a going-away party for a new friend. Sounds like a small thing, but it was fun again, doing familiar things, even as simple as cooking and baking while listening to music help me to feel normal.

Speaking of feeling normal, today a patient just asked me if I was from the United States, and I was stupidly annoyed. I just wanted to be like, "uh, yeah! I do look pretty American don't I? I've got the American accent, isn't it obvious? Wanna say it a little louder to point out that I'm the foreigner who hasn't a clue what is going on?!?!?!" I didn't say it, knowing full well the patient was just being friendly, and I was once again, getting irrationally angry. I'm thinking of dying my hair black just so people have to second guess whether I'm American or not. There are a lot of really light-skinned Hondurans here. Then I remembered I really should just be who I am. That's probably what I do best....who knows. Black hair might be all right though :) Kidding...not on this gringa.

I have been blessed to be part of an English speaking Bible Study where we are studying the book of James. I have been super tired this week, also battling some bronchitis (which once again, I am on antibiotics), so I really was considering skipping, but am glad I didn't. I was blessed with the input of my fellow expats from the U.S. and Canada. By the way, fluids and rest doesn't always work to get rid of minor sicknesses. I have always stood by it, but a week later, here I am with respiratory junk. If you know m well, my answer to almost everything is rest and fluids. :) Proven wrong, again, that seems to happen a lot lately.

Another difficulty: PRODUCTIVITY! So, the U.S. has been blessed with an impecable ability to made most everything efficient and productive! Yes, it's become a bit of curse as I realize that it is now a crippler as I just want everything to work efficiently. I want to leave work and feel like I've been productive, and that time was spent well. TIME! To me, when I show up to work, I want to work, I don't want to take time for breakfast, I don't want to chill. If there is time to chill, then I'd rather be chilling at home. Work is not the place to chill. I went to work today at 7:00 as that's when the nurses get there to prepare for the dr who starts seeing patients at...........9:00. What? Since when does it take 2 hours to prepare for the day? Exactly, it doesn't. It should take 30-45 minutes...Maybe. So what does this tell you? It says that my mind is programmed to think of time differently. It can drive me crazy if I let it. So, that's what I"m trying to do: allow my mentality to change while in Honduras. It doesn't drive the Hondurans crazy, so why should it drive me crazy? Because I'm used to a very efficient schedule when it comes to healthcare. This is a HUGE change when patients come with appointments for the day, but no hour. Which means they will very well wait 4-8 hours sometimes to see a specialist, which of course I feel could all be solved with making hour appointments.....but what do I know? I'm a 23 year old American full of pipe-dreams, how many of those could or even SHOULD be reality though? That's my question.

The good news? I think I might be normal. It sounds like this is the typical tract for most people when moving to a new country, with a new language and a new culture. I certainly don't FEEL normal, but who ever said we should trust feelings? Exactly. They have always said to not live by your feelings at the moment.

Well, I need to go check on my carrot cake. Thanks for reading my venting session. :0) I hope you are well in whatever you are doing, and that you feel peace that you are where you need to be. If you don't, maybe you should move to Honduras. That'll learn ya! ;)
Blessings!

Week 3 in summary

Hello!
This picture is the much requested proof of me wearing my cofia. And my complete uniform. Whoever thought that it was a good idea to make medical professionals wear white didn't realize that nursing involves lots of body fluids--and stains. But whatever, I'm over it. :0)
This week has proved to be an enjoyable one as I got to visit the aspects of our PROSEC project here, which I don't know what it stands for, but it's our community health outreach, which involves daily visits to a clinic 15 minutes out, and also our mobile clinic, which this week involved a trip to a town 4 hours out. Tiring, but interesting.
The mobile clinic is really cool as it is especially affordable for consults, meds, and dental attention. Friday involved loading the truck on a ferry across a river to travel to the village. Care is pretty routine with respiratory infections, urinary tract infections, female cares, diarrhea, body aches, etc. Usually nothing too serious that some tylenol and antibiotics can't fix. At least, that's my understanding so far. Of course, there's always always the chance that I missed a lot of what the patients say. Next week is orienting to the general floor.
Spanish, well you know, continuously a challenge. Trying to be easier on myself and be okay with not understanding, and feeling silly for not. I'll be glad for the day when I feel comfortable with it.
I'm looking forward to Semana Santa (Holy Week) as it is a national holiday here, and I will be traveling somewhere (unknown at this time) to meet up with my friend Erin who is serving in Guatemala with SALT. I'll be glad to get some traveling in with a good friend.
I'm starting to miss certain things in the U.S. as spring is coming around, which is always a fun time in both VA and IA. But again, thankful that God has put me here, as I know I am growing and learning all sorts of things I'll look back and be thankful for. I am just starting up here, and am just starting to learn what it means to be effective in another culture. Need a lot more time for this one! But I have been blessed with a supportive community to be apart of, as well, as the community of friends and family I have sending emails and messages. Always glad for those.

Well, I think that's all for this week. Much love sent from here.

Rough day at the hospital

So this week I get the opportunity to work alongside a urologist from Boston as he can use some extra help with translating. I have gotten to learn a lot a lot of new cool things about the urinary system, and all sorts of tricks regarding the prostate gland and kidney stones.
I'm starting to see just how good we have it in the states. Part of why costs are so so high is because of the amount of waste we have. I'm blown away by their ability to use and reuse. But also, you probably would never experience your prostate resecting tool to go out part way through a surgery, and have no resources in how to go about getting it fixed for the 10 other surgeries scheduled this week. Praying that God will provide. So many of these men we are seeing REALLY need this surgery. Many have walked around with a foley catheter in for months at a time. One I think had it for 9 months?? You can tell the poorer ones b/c they don't even have a bag attached. Just a plug that they empty when their bladder gets full. Not a good or safe situation. Also, so much of the technology available in the states is super duper expensive. Here, if you can't afford it, it's unfortunate. We just don't get to have it. Simple stone-blasting lithotripsy is something we here can just not afford.
I'm also witnessing the long-suffering of many of the patients we see. Some have been living with pain related to kidney stones for close to a year. I've never had kidney stones, but I've heard they can be quite excruciating. I can't even imagine having to live with that for so long.
I also learned that bladder tumors are pretty directly related to smoking and second-hand smoke. So, be careful! Also for older men who are having trouble with hesitancy, lay off the coffee. It should help some. :) haha. Sorry girls, don't have any good urinary advice for you. :)
So after attempting translating most of the day and getting to watch this surgery, I'm pretty tired. I would like to go grocery shopping, but simply am too lazy to go out and do it. I'm so spoiled and used to hopping in the car, going to Food Lion or whatever, throwing my stuff in the car and coming home. No no, here it's walking a bit and taxi-ing or whatever. Not that hard, but you know, as I said, I'm tired! :) pobrecita.
anyways, these are just some of the tidbits that I am experiencing here at the hospital. Things are interesting, and always something to learn, which keeps me inspired! The doctor today reminded me of ways to be successful in serving your patients. a) be on top of your game and know your stuff. Read your nursing journal and stay on top of what is going on in your field b) have empathy for what they are probably feeling. Really for the first time, I'm starting to really see a need to do more studies, even if its independent research just so that I can know better how to care for people.
Thanks so much for your encouraging words and posts! It always brings a smile to my face.
Blessings to you, and peace as well.

Finally Here!

Hello! I am happy to be able to be writing this first blog here in Sigua after my 5th complete day. You can probably guess a lot of what my feelings have been since I got here late Thursday evening. Excitement, Embarrassment, Worry. Can you believe it? I've even felt timid! Probably my biggest thing right now is trying to learn Spanish, of course. People have been gracious, but it seems even my simple vocab I learned back in highschool has left me, and my ability to conjugate verbs properly is also a challenge. But, as they have encouraged me, "Poco a Poco Malerie." Little by little I will learn.

So the basics of what's up:

I am living in the house of one of the doctors and his wife who is a nurse. They have been so good to me in helping me get organized with buying a simple cell phone to trying to get the internet for my computer, (we've been so far unsuccessful) getting my nurse's hat, a bank account, introducing me to people, etc. Also their niece lives with them too who is in the university studying. So I have a friend here.

There is a dorm on campus here for single nurses to live in. Probably in a month or so I will move there when I am more independent and can figure things out for my own. This house is really nice to live in, and feels like such a safe-haven. But it will be good for me to live with other nurses and find new Honduras friends. It will also help me get out and about a bit, b/c I will have to.

This is a community with a huge Christian influence. There aren't Mennonites in this area. The denomination I think is called Central American. Im not really all that well-oriented to it yet. But there are many opportunities to get involved with Bible Studies and such. These are not just Sunday morning Christians, that is for sure. They live and employ what they believe. A very nice group of people to work with.

The hospital is run completely different from what I am used to, which is to be expected. The nurses wear nurse hats which I am too. I get a black ribbon on mine b/c I'm a professional nurse, versus the auxiliar nurses who wear green. Pictures to come later. The doctors have been very nice and very friendly in welcoming me to the staff. I feel really dumb a lot due to my Spanish limitations, but they haven't made me feel bad in the least. The hospital is closely intwined to their nursing school so the students work alongside the nurses. Truly with me though, "student becomes teacher." I have to ask them all the questions. I'm super impressed with their resourcefulness. The way they sanitize and reuse stuff is actually really refreshing to me. For example, today I was helping with an EKG, and I went to throw the sticker tabs away and the student was like, 'oh, we reuse those." It never even occurred to me.

I have a whole lot to learn there, but again, "poco a poco."

I hope to soon become braver and start to explore the community outside of the hospital soon. My 'host brother' told me that I shouldn't rush the adaptation process, so I feel okay about not getting out too fast. I'll get there for sure.

The weather is so pleasant here. The mornings are a bit chilly, but the days are pleasantly warm and sunny. I love it. I did catch a small bout of bronchitis (I guess) maybe with the change of air, etc. I never felt sick, but the doctor went ahead and prescribed amoxicillin. Okay. Sure guess I'd rather do that then get a worse cough or something.

Matters for prayer if you're the prayin' kind: :)

-Spanish skills, and that they come quickly

-patience for myself. Realization that cross-cultural adaptation does not happen in 1 week.

-Norma and Enrique, my host parents who are actually in California for missions week. For their safety and contribution.

I have enjoyed getting emails and facebook posts from some of you. I'll continue to update as I can. Blessings to you! A big hug from me in Honduras.

Departure Date:

FEBRUARY 25!!! It moved up, just so you know, if you didn't before. So--9 days! :)

Opening Blog

Welcome to my blog that I have made for the purpose of communication and updating during my trip and life in Honduras for the next 2 years!! I hope I can write in a way that will entertain you, and also fill you in on what I am up to.

Of course, I'm not there yet. My estimated date of departure at this time is March 1, 2010. But I figure now is the time to get these sorts of things in order. And my blog looked so empty without any posts at all! I will warn you, I can get pretty honest, especially online. So you will probably read the awesome and not so awesome parts of living in Honduras. Of course, there will only be good things, right?! :)

As of now, I am really just chomping at the bits, anxious about getting my stuff in order for the next 2 years of my life, yet also trying to maximize my time here in Iowa....more to come!