Culture Shock

Probably the worst part of culture shock for me is that my rationale does not function correctly. The worst part is that I find myself getting angry at Honduras for being so confusing and difficult to adjust to. For example, I find myself getting frustrated with the hospital staff because I can't understand them all the time, and they often can't understand me. Is this their fault? NO! Of course it's not. I do wish that some would take the time to listen to what I am saying, even though it takes a bit to get out my thoughts. I find people assuming what I'm trying to say, and it's not at all. Or is it just that I am saying my thoughts completely wrong??

I think I am feeling the normal cycle of adjustment difficulties. I don't like the way that the hospital operates, or is it that I am missing part of the process? See what I mean? So not only am I frustrated at the way the hospital operates, but more I'm frustrated, because I am confused most of the time. Or am I frustrated just because it operates differently from how I was trained, and suddenly I have to become as Jesus preached, "becoming like a child to enter the kingdom of heaven." This is, apparently, required when trying to function in another system/culture. Oh the joy of crossing cultures.

This week I looked in the mirror in the bathroom and thought to myself "an American girl (gringa) with less than sufficient Spanish working in a Spanish speaking hospital in Honduras. What in the world was I thinking? God, why did you call me here?"
So this is what I mean when I say, "You can discuss all you want about how one should react when crossing cultures, but you never know how you will actually react until you feel the chaos and craziness of trying to adapt to a new culture." Oh man.

This week has been a mix of observing surgery (which I still get whoozy when watching) working in the hospital, and observing specialist doctors see patients. Today I got into a baking madness as I made some chocolate cake and carrot cake for a going-away party for a new friend. Sounds like a small thing, but it was fun again, doing familiar things, even as simple as cooking and baking while listening to music help me to feel normal.

Speaking of feeling normal, today a patient just asked me if I was from the United States, and I was stupidly annoyed. I just wanted to be like, "uh, yeah! I do look pretty American don't I? I've got the American accent, isn't it obvious? Wanna say it a little louder to point out that I'm the foreigner who hasn't a clue what is going on?!?!?!" I didn't say it, knowing full well the patient was just being friendly, and I was once again, getting irrationally angry. I'm thinking of dying my hair black just so people have to second guess whether I'm American or not. There are a lot of really light-skinned Hondurans here. Then I remembered I really should just be who I am. That's probably what I do best....who knows. Black hair might be all right though :) Kidding...not on this gringa.

I have been blessed to be part of an English speaking Bible Study where we are studying the book of James. I have been super tired this week, also battling some bronchitis (which once again, I am on antibiotics), so I really was considering skipping, but am glad I didn't. I was blessed with the input of my fellow expats from the U.S. and Canada. By the way, fluids and rest doesn't always work to get rid of minor sicknesses. I have always stood by it, but a week later, here I am with respiratory junk. If you know m well, my answer to almost everything is rest and fluids. :) Proven wrong, again, that seems to happen a lot lately.

Another difficulty: PRODUCTIVITY! So, the U.S. has been blessed with an impecable ability to made most everything efficient and productive! Yes, it's become a bit of curse as I realize that it is now a crippler as I just want everything to work efficiently. I want to leave work and feel like I've been productive, and that time was spent well. TIME! To me, when I show up to work, I want to work, I don't want to take time for breakfast, I don't want to chill. If there is time to chill, then I'd rather be chilling at home. Work is not the place to chill. I went to work today at 7:00 as that's when the nurses get there to prepare for the dr who starts seeing patients at...........9:00. What? Since when does it take 2 hours to prepare for the day? Exactly, it doesn't. It should take 30-45 minutes...Maybe. So what does this tell you? It says that my mind is programmed to think of time differently. It can drive me crazy if I let it. So, that's what I"m trying to do: allow my mentality to change while in Honduras. It doesn't drive the Hondurans crazy, so why should it drive me crazy? Because I'm used to a very efficient schedule when it comes to healthcare. This is a HUGE change when patients come with appointments for the day, but no hour. Which means they will very well wait 4-8 hours sometimes to see a specialist, which of course I feel could all be solved with making hour appointments.....but what do I know? I'm a 23 year old American full of pipe-dreams, how many of those could or even SHOULD be reality though? That's my question.

The good news? I think I might be normal. It sounds like this is the typical tract for most people when moving to a new country, with a new language and a new culture. I certainly don't FEEL normal, but who ever said we should trust feelings? Exactly. They have always said to not live by your feelings at the moment.

Well, I need to go check on my carrot cake. Thanks for reading my venting session. :0) I hope you are well in whatever you are doing, and that you feel peace that you are where you need to be. If you don't, maybe you should move to Honduras. That'll learn ya! ;)
Blessings!