Long waits in airports are lame

Disclaimer: This post is coming from thoughts that are coming from sitting in an airport after missing my flight due to slow border control people. GRAR! Getting delayed 9 hours after not sleeping last night due to a 1:15 am flight gives me right to be grumpy, I think. Man, I am ticked, but at some point one realizes that one is powerless to change the cards, so you just try to see the positive in the situation.
So here I am sitting, just like hundreds of other technology-infested humans of all different races on my laptop, fighting for a plug-in since our cell phones, ipods, and computers have gone dead. First of all, I HATE sitting long amounts of time in airports alone. It’s another thing if you have someone with you, but sitting in Fort Lauderdale alone, knowing Mom and Allyce would have been ready and waiting for me in Chicago at 9:00 as planned had it not been for the U.S.’s obsession with keeping out agriculture and terrorists and illegal immigrants from different countries. Second of all, I hate being just as stereotypical as every other person here who is so involved in their technological devices that no one sees the need to hear the story of the stranger who has been sitting next to them the last 5 hours. This world is nuts, and sometimes I think I’m going nuts too. God help us.
The airport, however, is a ridiculously interesting place to study anthropology. There are people here from all over the world. White North Americans here in Fort Lauderdale airport are certainly the minority. It is kind of fun to try to see how much of random Spanish conversations I am able to understand. But the vanity of the world sure comes out. Women consistently reapplying their make-up, people buying $8.50 breakfast sandwiches and $4.00 cups of coffee. People endlessly fiddling with their cell phones and iPods. Everyone with their own criteria. A whole bunch of random strangers in one weirdly shaped building. People being herded around, all heading to their own destinations. No one seemingly having anything to do with the other.
I did get to sit and chat with a Honduran while I was waiting. This is always a really interesting experience after being in Honduras and hearing so many people say that their dad, brother, uncle, or maybe even mother is in the U.S. now working and sending home money. It’s interesting to see the life of an immigrant on the other side, and see his viewpoint. This particular fellow has been here 15 years. Made me feel better that I don’t know Spanish so great after 4 months. Still, it was a pleasure talking to him. I decided I would take advantage of this time to practice my Spanish. Also, this airport has iffy, but sometimes accessible internet, and lucky me, I brought my laptop. So, I officially am one of the ridiculously privileged persons in this world.
This is just a plain out lonely experience. I hate being lonely, and I hate being alone. I have not been without a cell phone since my junior year of college. You know, I don’t have a working cell phone right now, and I hardly know what to do with myself. Well, these days with everyone walking around with unlimited minutes, whatever. People have been willing to share their phone with me to call Mom and Allyce. Maybe there is some good in this world. Life was meant to be spent with others, making friendships. I have talked to a few, but you get to be the weirdo who won’t stop talking if you chat for too long with the new stranger you just met. 9 hours spent alone in an airport is entirely too much. I want to sleep, yet I don’t because it feels weird with people stepping around me, and me laying on a dirty ground, never knowing if I need to be worrying about my possessions or not.
It also bothers me that this little bump in the road had such capacity to upset me. I am on my way home, in pretty good spirits after 4 months of being abroad. And I am not a mean person, but I knew that if one more delay against me comes, I would probably not be very self-controlled, possibly get ugly. I might as well admit that to myself, because it is true. Because this is not only me, it is my family who has taken off work to come get me. All because the staff couldn’t hurry themselves just a bit. I missed it by 10 minutes. 10 minutes. The plane was still sitting there!!! I could have just popped on! Just crack the door. I’m fast! Anyways, I hope Mom and Allyce have found something fun to do in Chicago while they wait for me.
Maybe I am not only grumpy from lack of sleep and a missed flight, but also from a bit of shock of re-entering life of fast pace, fashion, money, and whatever it is that is spinning the wheels of this strange place. And when did those ugly leather cuff shoe-sandal things come into style? Whoever decided those were cute certainly didn’t ask me. I’ll just be glad when I get home and get back into something that is at least semi-familiar.
So I have been reading “My Utmost For His Highest” the newer-English version by Oswald Chambers. One day this week, he wrote that we are able to recognize the faults we like to judge in people because we possess them in our own hearts. If we are not already guilty of the same thing, it is because we are very capable of the same sin, or downfall. Shoot. That about sums up anything I have ever judged anybody on. Lord, may we be slow to judge, slow to anger, and quick to love. Man, those words are so much easier to say than do and follow through with.
So, the world cup is in high gear. Never did I even really know about it until this year, and Honduras is playing in it. So far, has lost 2 of 2 games, unfortunately. 1 left again Switzerland. I don’t mind though, the excitement of just going and experiencing the excitement of the Hondurans is pretty fun in itself.
I sort of left the hospital thinking that I could slip out without anybody really caring or noticing. Of course that is not how I wanted it to be, but I just don’t like to make a bit deal of the fact that I am already taking a trip home after only 4 months. I was blessed to have some girls from the hospital come visit me before I left to tell me they would miss me. That blessed me, at this point, I feel pretty good about coming back.
Well, I think 2 pages should be enough. Hopefully I will survive the next several hours. Wish I had friends in Fort Lauderdale to come visit me!!!  Blessings to you all. More to come. I’m especially looking forward to VMM orientation in Harrisonburg after a couple of weeks, and of course, seeing my friends and family!
Love, Malerie

Always something new

I am sitting here on a Monday afternoon, realizing it is time for a post, and struggling to collect my thoughts and funnel them into a blog that won't leave you wondering who in the world I am and why in the world you are reading this blog. :)

Something kind of weird happened this morning. I was scheduled to work at the hospital first shift, which is 5:45-2:15ish. So I got up, ate my breakfast, drank coffee, showered, you know, the usual. In report I randomly got really flushed and felt like I was going to pass out, twice! My blood pressure was on the low side for me, but not all that low. They let me go home, where I proceeded to go back to bed and sleep for close to 5 hours. What in the world was THAT? Was I simply just tired? Was I anxious? Am I actually physically not capable of working that early?

Just the week before I had worked first shift and realized that the charge nurse that works mornings is in general not a very pleasant person at work. For whatever reasons, probably personal, she doesn't treat me well, and I am realizing, no one else either, except of course her superiors. (That may tell you some of what I have experienced in Honduras regarding status and heirarchy struggles.) I had mentally prepared myself for the day on my way down to the hospital. But who knows? Where does a person get this idea that just because finally she is in a position of power that she can treat those "under" her badly? (by the way, I am actually her peer, being that I do have my degree, and she is still studying to get hers. But I did not come here to play that game.) Weird.

I was just catching up on the blogs of several of my friends who are also living abroad. Several thoughts came to my head:
-I am so lucky to be living in a protected environment. I rarely am scared of being robbed. It can and most likely will happen at some point while I am here, but I do not live in a place where I am daily afraid of the danger that is out there. It does make me sad though that in so many places here in Central America, Africa, wherever there is high levels of poverty, there are high levels of violence and danger. That really stinks.
-Living abroad is such a crazy experience. With natural disasters at hand, robberies, dealing with racial and cultural issues, communication language issues. Why do we crave this? Why do we leave the comfort of what we know to experience the chaos of living abroad, not even assured that our efforts will be profitable for the hosting culture? I think if I could KNOW for certain that my work here will bear fruit, I would be a lot less shaken by the culture shock I experience.

Last week I had a bit of a time of doubt, sadness, and just hurt. Already explained above with dynamics of the hospital, I left one of my shifts feeling quite down. I know my heart wants to be here to be of assistance where I can, and often I feel like it is not wanted amongst, well, probably just 1 or 2 of the nurses. Thank God for Norma, my colleague, Honduran/Argentine mother, mentor, boss, all of the above. She encouraged me to continue on, and to hold on tight to what I was certain God called me to. I was reminded at church yesterday that God says we WILL run into difficulties and problems. There's no maybe about it. I was able to come back with more encouragement. This week has improved with a few more good interactions with people at the hospital. A visit to a friend's house, where I met her mother and family. Always important to me, that I get to see where my friends/coworkers come from. Some come from comfortable homes, but not all. Many come from small humble homes, with lots of siblings. Always an interesting experience, as, naturally, it is quite different from what I was raised in.

This week we have also been blessed with a visit from a group of 3 people from a church in California who have been trained, and now giving training in Peace and Conflict Resolution. (as you know, being a Mennonite, that always excites me.) They have been giving courses to the bilingual schools, at the hospital, and church. I am thankful for their own expertise, and desire to train us. Another really cool thing about them is that part of their work in their own church is missionary support. They emphasize supporting of the missionaries. They realized when their missionaries were coming back, deflated and discouraged, something was lacking. So they formed a group to go and visit their missionaries (in this case it's Norma and Enrique) and making themselves useful where they can. I am looking forward to attending some seminars this week, as well as having them over for dialogue and dinner on Wednesday. (another blessing of living in a house with my own kitchen.)

So, I am leaving June 23 for the States. I will be going to Iowa for the first 2 weeks. Get to be with my family for my birthday, and for a little baby shower for my sister, who is quite a ways into her pregnancy. So that's all very exciting. Then, off to Virginia for a week, which I am also very much looking forward to. The purpose of Virginia is to attend the 5-day orientation into Virginia Mennonite Missions tranSend program. yes, I have been here 4 months already, but I believe that there is a purpose in all things, and am praying I get some sort of essential information that will help me along in my time here.

Well, must be going off to my Spanish class. I got lazy for about 2 weeks and allowed myself a break, only to realize that I must continue in these lessons to keep my Spanish improving, henceforth increasing my ability to communicate, henceforth making everything here just a little bit easier.

Thanks for reading. I am a blessed girl. And that is very clear. Blessings to all of you!
And if you are in Iowa or Virginia, hope to see you sooooon!