Always something new

I am sitting here on a Monday afternoon, realizing it is time for a post, and struggling to collect my thoughts and funnel them into a blog that won't leave you wondering who in the world I am and why in the world you are reading this blog. :)

Something kind of weird happened this morning. I was scheduled to work at the hospital first shift, which is 5:45-2:15ish. So I got up, ate my breakfast, drank coffee, showered, you know, the usual. In report I randomly got really flushed and felt like I was going to pass out, twice! My blood pressure was on the low side for me, but not all that low. They let me go home, where I proceeded to go back to bed and sleep for close to 5 hours. What in the world was THAT? Was I simply just tired? Was I anxious? Am I actually physically not capable of working that early?

Just the week before I had worked first shift and realized that the charge nurse that works mornings is in general not a very pleasant person at work. For whatever reasons, probably personal, she doesn't treat me well, and I am realizing, no one else either, except of course her superiors. (That may tell you some of what I have experienced in Honduras regarding status and heirarchy struggles.) I had mentally prepared myself for the day on my way down to the hospital. But who knows? Where does a person get this idea that just because finally she is in a position of power that she can treat those "under" her badly? (by the way, I am actually her peer, being that I do have my degree, and she is still studying to get hers. But I did not come here to play that game.) Weird.

I was just catching up on the blogs of several of my friends who are also living abroad. Several thoughts came to my head:
-I am so lucky to be living in a protected environment. I rarely am scared of being robbed. It can and most likely will happen at some point while I am here, but I do not live in a place where I am daily afraid of the danger that is out there. It does make me sad though that in so many places here in Central America, Africa, wherever there is high levels of poverty, there are high levels of violence and danger. That really stinks.
-Living abroad is such a crazy experience. With natural disasters at hand, robberies, dealing with racial and cultural issues, communication language issues. Why do we crave this? Why do we leave the comfort of what we know to experience the chaos of living abroad, not even assured that our efforts will be profitable for the hosting culture? I think if I could KNOW for certain that my work here will bear fruit, I would be a lot less shaken by the culture shock I experience.

Last week I had a bit of a time of doubt, sadness, and just hurt. Already explained above with dynamics of the hospital, I left one of my shifts feeling quite down. I know my heart wants to be here to be of assistance where I can, and often I feel like it is not wanted amongst, well, probably just 1 or 2 of the nurses. Thank God for Norma, my colleague, Honduran/Argentine mother, mentor, boss, all of the above. She encouraged me to continue on, and to hold on tight to what I was certain God called me to. I was reminded at church yesterday that God says we WILL run into difficulties and problems. There's no maybe about it. I was able to come back with more encouragement. This week has improved with a few more good interactions with people at the hospital. A visit to a friend's house, where I met her mother and family. Always important to me, that I get to see where my friends/coworkers come from. Some come from comfortable homes, but not all. Many come from small humble homes, with lots of siblings. Always an interesting experience, as, naturally, it is quite different from what I was raised in.

This week we have also been blessed with a visit from a group of 3 people from a church in California who have been trained, and now giving training in Peace and Conflict Resolution. (as you know, being a Mennonite, that always excites me.) They have been giving courses to the bilingual schools, at the hospital, and church. I am thankful for their own expertise, and desire to train us. Another really cool thing about them is that part of their work in their own church is missionary support. They emphasize supporting of the missionaries. They realized when their missionaries were coming back, deflated and discouraged, something was lacking. So they formed a group to go and visit their missionaries (in this case it's Norma and Enrique) and making themselves useful where they can. I am looking forward to attending some seminars this week, as well as having them over for dialogue and dinner on Wednesday. (another blessing of living in a house with my own kitchen.)

So, I am leaving June 23 for the States. I will be going to Iowa for the first 2 weeks. Get to be with my family for my birthday, and for a little baby shower for my sister, who is quite a ways into her pregnancy. So that's all very exciting. Then, off to Virginia for a week, which I am also very much looking forward to. The purpose of Virginia is to attend the 5-day orientation into Virginia Mennonite Missions tranSend program. yes, I have been here 4 months already, but I believe that there is a purpose in all things, and am praying I get some sort of essential information that will help me along in my time here.

Well, must be going off to my Spanish class. I got lazy for about 2 weeks and allowed myself a break, only to realize that I must continue in these lessons to keep my Spanish improving, henceforth increasing my ability to communicate, henceforth making everything here just a little bit easier.

Thanks for reading. I am a blessed girl. And that is very clear. Blessings to all of you!
And if you are in Iowa or Virginia, hope to see you sooooon!