Farewell Honduras!

My faithful blog followers,
I write this blog sitting in the Atlanta airport writing most likely one of my last as I have finished up my two years in Siguatepeque. I have neglected the site for a long time now, SORRY! Selling my things, saying goodbye, and finishing up my work kept me quite busy.
For those of you who’ve lived abroad, you probably know exactly how I am feeling right now. Parece mentiras. It just doesn’t feel quite real that I have finished my time in Honduras and am now about ready to restart my life back in the U.S. This past week was one of a lot of fun, and a lot of mixed feelings too. I finished up work Thursday a week ago to give me a little bit of time to close things up without the stress of work. My last shift was pretty typical. I ordered a cake to say goodbye and thanks, and then that evening my fellow nurses had a little farewell party for me which included games, singing, and an open sharing time. It’s so strange how you don’t know how much people like you until you leave!

Farewell with my nursing compañeras:


The next week was spent selling my things: refrigerator, oven,
microwave, table, and furniture. It is truly incredible how much one accumulates in 2 years! And what is even more incredible is that my Honduran community came to me and asked what I was selling. So it was not hard at all to sell everything, which took a big stress off my shoulders.
The farewells started out almost joyful, but the closer and closer I got to today, the harder and sadder they got! On Thursday my church family had a farewell get-together for me. Also involved games, singing, and open sharing time. This time they focused it on Bible verses they had to share for me. It was a special time. People showed up I never guessed would have.

Wendy, Roxanna, Me, Lety at my farewell from church:


Playing games at the church farewell:



Also had a nice little lunch with some of the female single doctors at the hospital who turned out to be really great friends and company in my time at the hospital.



Then of course it was farewell with my closer friends outside of church and my work at the hospital. As my friends left back to the Tegus to where they are studying, it started to feel real.

Farewell with some of my closest friends:





Saturday I spent running around doing last minute things. That evening I was invited to a small little town called Balin which is near Lake of Yojoa, which is about 1 hour from where I live. This was really quite an honor because the aunt of a close friend/coworker lives there and back in December I had donated blood to her because she has advanced cancer. So she wanted to invite us over for dinner before leaving. Culturally, my friend explained to me that folks from the rural areas tend to make a lot of food when they plan on having company like this, and I guess I was the guest of honor in some sense? So they had chicken soup, tamales, tacos, squash with honey, pork, coffee, soda. SO much food and what I feast. In Spanish there’s a phrase “nos quedamos triste por comer tanto.” I was “sad” from eating too much. And if you think about it, when you eat too much, notice your face, it might look sad from being so full!

Dinner in Balin:



So Sunday was my last day at church. And then afterwards off to eat fried fish with my “Honduran mother.” After that, off to do laundry and finish packing! It’s kind of tricky packing the last 2 years of your life in 2 suitcases, especially with all of the beautiful purses/souvenirs/gifts people gave me. This morning my best friend/coworker brought me to the airport in San Pedro Sula, and up till now it’s been tears, sleeping, getting through security, and being crazy weirded out by hearing English. It has been seeing all sorts of different faces, fancy duty free shops, drinking fountains, clean bathrooms, the smell of delicious toasted and horribly expensive sandwiches. But most glorious of all: throwing my toilet paper in the toilet instead of in the trashcan beside the toilet, which is what one must do in most of Central America due to the plumbing system. Yes my friends, I have arrived, and my feet are now back on American soil. I am so looking forward to seeing my momma and sister’s faces when I land.

Trip to the airport: My best friend Paty and her brother Ismael with his wife Yenni and their daughter Genesis. Really great folks!




So the next several weeks and months will consist of a lot of readjusting. Readjusting my body to American food again, readjusting to interacting with my own blood and my own “people.” Readjusting to having to be on time again, and not the “hora hondureña.” Readjusting to the rules and logic of the road. (If you catch me tail-gaiting, try to understand the craziness of the driving where I’ve been living, haha!) Readjusting to the hype of fast-paced life, and looking for work. Readjusting to the American health-care system. But most of all, I’m really going to miss my friends I made in Honduras. Right now that is the biggest thing on my mind. Fortunately for me, Virginia Mennonite Missions puts a heavy emphasis on making relationships and ministering in that way and I would say that is the one thing I know I did well at Hospital Evangélico and in Honduras.
In the past weeks I’ve been trying to evaluate things that weren’t so great. In past blogs I’ve spoken of the differences in culture, differences in work habits, and expectations. There were times where I felt like I was drowning in the differences and frustrations. To be perfectly honest, when I get to feeling quite sad about leaving Honduras, and the beast of an adjustment I am about to face, I just remember those hard times, and I remember that it probably is the right time to come home. I was able to say I finished my contract. I kept my word, and I stuck to it though I really wanted to quit on many an occasion. I’m glad I did. I think I reaped much more growth and maturity, and also respect from my friends/community in Honduras.

My fellow professional nurses who gave me a hammock for my farewell and a nice lunch, and of course best wishes.


As I took off in the plane today, my mind couldn’t quite get around the fact that I was leaving all of it behind: all of those crazy experiences, all of those painful experiences, but also all of the special people in my life to return to what should seem normal, but strangely seems like a “foreign country.” Now that isn’t fair is it?! To just adjust to living abroad only to return back to another place that now seems so strange. I have to say, the security control at the airport has even updated in just 2 years! It’s cool though, living without all of the modern commodities has made me 1. Incredibly amazed at the advancing modern society of the U.S., and 2. Much much more grateful to have access to them again. Recently I heard a statement “God is more concerned about your character than your comfort.” And as they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And if you think about it, the good and fun times don’t do much for you. They might keep your morale up, but as far as character-forming, they really just serve you for the moment. So why must we suffer? I suppose for that reason: we must grow as human beings, and as Christians, we must grow in our faith, and many times that involves pain and suffering.
So I hope and pray that God will use these 2 years in my life to continue to grow, and to be able to do some good in the world, in my own country. Maybe my newfound knowledge of the 3rd world, maybe my interactions with Latinos, maybe my new perspective will be useful in some sort of future ministry. For sure I am not the same Malerie Rose Plank who left for the unknown 2 years ago. The Bible says that all things work together for the good of those who love God. I will end on that thought.
I appreciate your support and prayers these last couple of years. Your faithful financial support kept me from stressing that aspect. Your faithful prayers sustained me along with your letters and emails. I can’t thank you enough. My correspondence was not exactly 100% but thank you for understanding. It’s much easier to process it afterwards after the fire, and not so much while you are in the heat of it. So, I’ll try to write another post or two on the readjustment process! Phew, I think this blog has more photos than all of my others combined. That's what happens when you finally get a really fast internet connection! Blessings, and I hope to see you sooooon!!! Hugs!

Bible Study farewell with my gringo church community:

Medical Brigade

Greetings Everyone.

This past week I had the pleasure of joining a group of doctors, nurses, dentists, and other personal from Kurtz Humanitarian Initiative for Southwestern Honduras (KHISH) to help with a medical brigade. Never heard of a medical brigade before? This term usually refers to a group of medical professionals that go to an area with little healthcare access and provide the bare necessities to the people who live there. Sometimes they have a focus like general surgery, eyes, teeth, etc. It all depends on the focus of the professionals. Here's a pic of the team.




I joined them for the second week of their mission this year. The first week was ophthamologists doing cataract surgeries. I believe there were around 95 done! That is part of Vision Project Honduras. The second week (where I joined them) was spent going to two villages (the same ones they go to every year, for 8 years) and giving general consults.



My job as a nurse was spent taking blood pressures and temperatures. I also was used in helping with translating between the doctors and the patients. I'm not sure what the final count of patients seen was. I know it was a LOT! I found that most people come through as actually somewhat healthy, usually complaining of "cold and cough" or "stomach ache, headache, fever, knee/back pain, lack of appetite, dizziness, etc." Basic stuff. And we realized most of them were not actually experiencing it in the moment, but were looking for meds for when they were. Which I suppose is fair, when there is like nothing out there for when you do get sick, or if you don't have the money for it. It's kind of tricky for a bunch of gringos though, who in the U.S. are some of the best in their specialties, to come to Honduras and work with the least educated, materially-poor in the country. I'm just talking about the difference in their environment and the patients/culture they work with. We gave out a lot of Ibuprofen, cough medicine, de-parasiting meds, vitamins for all the children, etc. It often feels like a big old band-aid placed on top of a huge wound. But in many senses, a bandaid is better than an oozing wound without an treatment at all. Plus many are helped beyond that. KHISH has a relationship with an amazing Honduran doctor, Dr. Moreno, who quarterly comes into these same villages and monitors/follows up those with diabetes and high blood pressure. Others are monitored for epilepsy, congenital heart problems, etc. Dr. Moreno has no financial interest in this, I don't believe, which really speaks to the kind of person he is. I was blessed to get to work with him and really, all of the volunteers, including the bilingual Honduran translators from the capital city Tegucigalpa.



Probably the most impacting thing for me was my involvement is the case of a little boy named Jose David, 11 years old. He was walking around in the clinic with his mom and little sister there too. He was trying to sell green mangoes. He had his elbow and leg wrapped with some dirty gauze. When we tried to get him to sit down so we could look at his wounds, he ran off and pouted. Finally he let us look at his leg wound. We cleaned it, and realized it was obviously infected. I, knowing what I know about the cleanliness in the hills of Honduras, was sure that the elbow had to be worse. Supposedly he had had surgery beforehand and they had put a pin in his elbow, as it had been broken. It had not been immobilized. The mother had been changing/cleaning the wound daily. But how is a young single mother from the country going to really know how to assess a wound and know what to do when it starts oozing pus? Dr. Barbara decided he needed antibiotics, and some gauzes, etc to send home. At that time his mother had already gone home. So I got to go to his house to give the antibiotics to his mother. I had made a goal with that visit that I would get Jose to show me his elbow. I was afraid it was going to be a disaster. In the end, he calmed down, stopped running away and let me look at it. Turns out he was just embarrassed! He wasn't afraid of the pain, he was embarrassed of his ugly elbow! So when I unwrapped his elbow, the pin was sticking out of his elbow, he had some tissue growth in a little ball around it, and a nice little pus leaving the wound. I cleaned it, and told his mom that if it was at all possile, she needed to get the boy to the hospital. I had no idea if she had the money to even pay the busfare there or not. I asked our leaders if we could just take him with us that night to the hotel, as we were going to make the trip to the hospital the next day anyways. But then you face the problem of "do it for one, you have to do it for all, where do you start?" So in the end, I really hope that the momma could get Jose to the hospital to get it debrided, etc. I'm not sure what truth I take out of that. That poor people are just 'out of luck,' that Jose was lucky for my help (yeah, not really, I wasn't able to do anything), or that maybe his mom felt good for having the attention of people who really cared for her and the health of her little boy. Who knows??? Whatever it is, WHAT an experience for me. It surprised me, yet at the same time, after 2 years, not too much really surprises me anymore.

That week was significant for me in other ways as well. For the first time in a long long time here, I felt valued for my abilities. I felt appreciated for my knowledge of what I know about Honduras, for my Spanish speaking abilities. I felt valued for who I am as a person. I felt loved and accepted into the group. It could be that I was just happy to be immersed in people who understand me again, since they are from my culture. I felt cared for, I did not feel taken advantage of or exploited. I enjoyed the company of the gringos and the Hondurans. Phew. Talk about serious relief. Too bad I didn't have this week a couple of months earlier. But I know that God's timing is perfect, and it was at this time for a reason. And I am thankful.



Others news: I am heading home in less than 2 months. How's that for crazy?! So obviously, I am going to ask for your prayers in wisdom for me to know what to do with myself when I get home. For cultural re-integration, for wisdom in knowing where to look for a job, and which direction to take with my life. It's such a blessing to have options! I look at the people I just was with in the villages, and I realize they have no options or opportunities. So as it is said, "to whom much is given, much is expected."

Also, as I close up here, pray that I will make good decisions. That I will be able to sell all of my furniture, fridge, oven, etc.

Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed this post, and that this reflection was not only beneficial to me as I process the last week. Blessings to you, I always welcome your comments!!! :)
Hugs, Malerie

Weddings and Christmas and all such things

Greetings!
I hope you are finding yourself well as this Christmas season approaches. Perhaps you are making cut-out cookies in shapes of stars and bells and reindeer and dipping everything possible in chocolate! I am actually craving a bit of that right now. Here at Christmas time here and there you might see a decorated tree in a business or store, or a string of lights in a random tree, but decoration is quite limited here. I will try to document Christmas better than I did last year, so you all can see the traditional foods, and events of the holiday.
Traditionally on the 24th, people tend to make a bunch of food, and invite friends over and stay up until 3 or 4 am. Always with lots of firecrackers set off all night. It's a mess, and a lot of fun! I've had several invitations this year, and I feel quite honored. I thought that maybe they were out of pity for the poor foreigner who had no where to go. But recently a friend corrected me, and told me not to take those invitations lightly. If they invited me, it's because they really would like me to pass the 24th with them. That was a nice realization. My tendency at this time of year is to feel slightly lonely being so far away from family and my normal traditions. But this year I have intentions of spending it to the max with the special people in my life, knowing that I probably will not have another Christmas in Honduras.

So a couple of weeks ago I was taking care of a patient at the hospital. The family lives up near the lake and they have a coconut farm there. They gave me 3 of them! Pealed and mature. Teachers receive apples from their students, secretaries receive pens,....I receive coconuts!! How great is that??? I had to look it up on the internet on the best way to crack open the coconut. I think I mastered it! :)




Other exciting events: This past Saturday I got to have the honor of being a bridesmaid in my good friend's wedding! She is a friend from church and also a compañera from the hospital. It was a lovely, small, simple wedding. I'm amazed at the differences. Mostly in the "feel" of the wedding. For the typical American, it might seem chaotic and unorganized, but as I went through the steps of the decorating, the rehearsals, the getting ready and dressed up...I actually appreciated the relaxedness of it. Several things: my dress was not done until Friday evening. We didn't have a rehearsal the night before because people "couldn't make it" for whatever reason. One of the groomsmen didn't arrive until 15 minutes after the wedding was supposed to start....but you know what? There was hardly any stress about it. Well, obviously because it's cultural, people expect all of this to happen. To me, I just sat back in awe. It was inconvenient for me to have to come back to the sewer's house 3 times, always in a taxi since I have no car, to get the dress. But other than that, no one was getting mad at anyone, and I saw little stress in the family. It was nice. I enjoyed myself quite a lot.


We also had our annual Christmas party with the nurses that live on campus and the nursing students. It was lots of fun as always, with pizza and other yummy foods, movie, Christmas card making, and of course the decorating of the tree! I think it's a nice time that the students can relax, let down their hair, and have a good time! I am glad as that I was asked to help once again this year. This is a tradition that a retired doctor (84 years old that still makes rounds at the hospital, incredible!!) started years ago with his wife, who has since passed away about 6 years ago. I think more than anything, he continues the tradition in honor of his wife. I only feel bad because I know that none of us are able to put out the feast they used to make together, and that in some part, the doctor feels sad as well as joy at this event, remembering his wife. But I know the girls really enjoy the tradition, and I do too.


Anyways, I hope and pray that your Christmas will be blessed and lovely. In Bibile Study we have been focusing on the verse Luke 2:14 when the angels appeared to the shepherds saying: "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." What does that mean? Peace to men on whom his favor rests? What significance does that have? Favor, being those who have accepted Christ? What significance does Peace have? Back in those days under Roman rule, I'm sure peace meant a lot to those being oppressed. But peace is SO important on a personal individual level too. Christmas time can be such a beautiful time of sharing and caring, and warm fuzzy feelings. But I know for many, Christmas is a very lonely miserable time of the year. Perhaps in the year a loved one has passed away and this is the first year that he/she is not there. Perhaps the year has just been a bad one in many different ways, and one feels unrestful, and lacks anything close to peace on a soul level. Perhaps one has health problems that limits them from fully enjoying the holidays and festive times spent out. I think that peace on earth is the best thing one can hope for. So that is my prayer for you. If you do not feel that peace, I hope you can find out why, and confront it, so that you may have it. And you could pray for me as well, that I may find and feel Christ's peace during this time. I think we all have something that keeps us from feeling completely at peace with life, and as many of us profess, the only way to true peace is through the prince of peace, Jesus Christ.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Thanks as always for your prayers and support. As I am missing home, I also am counting my blessings, and thanking God for each of you!
A hug sent from Honduras, Malerie

Reflections on the week

This is Margarita, a third year student, in the medicine room. She is wearing the uniform that all students must wear.

This week I did my monthly 4 nights of night shift in the intensive care unit. In Hospital Evangelico, the ICU also serves as recuperation post-operation. I really enjoy that unit because it challenges my clinical skills and my assessment skills. Although some nights are terribly boring and a huge struggle to stay awake (if I only have 1 patient who sleeps the whole night) but this week I actually had some "happening" nights, which several large post-op surgery patients, a few who were there for closer observation. One of my patients only passed there 2 hours, because it was just a quick operation. Let me tell you about her.

I had heard that a woman had come into the ER with complications post partum, or after having a baby, so they had to take her to surgery to stop the bleeding. In Honduras, the folks without much money go to a health center (centro de salud) because having a baby will cost them a whole $8.00. Or, 150 Lempiras. If it is a normal partum, that's just great. But in the moment of complication, it's not the place you want to find yourself because there are not doctors, nor oxygen, they just have nurses attend the birth. So when we get these folks from the centro de salud, we know they have little financial resources. Which matters in the Honduran health care system. Many times that means sending them onto the public hospital in Comayagua, because Hospital Evangelico is a private hospital.
As they were passing the patient from the transport bed to her unit bed, I thought to myself, "woah, this patient has got to be like, 15 years old." No no, this patient was barely 13 years old. This tiny little girl had just had a baby, no wonder there were complications. She was so emotionally flat. I couldn't figure out what was going on inside this little girl. She was neither scared, nor admitted to any pain, nothing.
So in that moment, I had this emotional outrage. What in the world was the 13 year old doing having a baby? Of course I immediately thought "wow, curiosity with ignorance really can be a problem." But then upon talking to my coworkers, they explained to me that sometimes in the rural villages, this girls get sort of "handed over" to get married to older men. What?? this is 2011, do people really do that? I don't completely understand it still, nor do I know what the situation really was with this little girl. But her mother was there with her, of course the man who got her pregnant was not. The baby also had had some trauma to the face during birth, and therefore was not tolerating the bottle very well. Her mother acted like this was completely normal, for her 13 year old to be a mother. I felt like it was a young raising a young girl, raising a baby. We had to transfuse 2 units of blood, and I realized that this mother had no idea was what going on. It was a difficult situation for me.
At that point I realized it was just better to see the situation relatively, and not try to figure it out, nor let my feelings get the best of me. There were some serious factors at play here: poverty, lack of education, lack of opportunity, and culture. Perhaps they were just happy in that situation, and it wasn't quite the crisis that I thought/think it was/is. I know that happens in the U.S. too. But there is at least good health care to deal with the situation. Anyways, just some reflections.

Other than that, I've been just fine. Pretty much working, and trying to spend quality time with the girls at the hospital, and my friends from outside. This Christmas will be the annual Christmas party for all of the señoritas/students and nurses, that I'm sure I'll get to help with, which is exciting.
I am looking forward to Thursday, which of course is turkey day, or better known as Thanksgiving. My cousins are planning to come up from Choluteca to visit me, and we will hopefully spend some time going to a national park nearby and enjoy some nice nature hikes and maybe even camp.
Anyways, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! May it be a time of realizing our blessings, and thanking the Lord for everyone of them. I personally am thankful that I will never have to have a baby in a centro de salud. :) Blessings.

Dia del Medico, and other happenings

1. All of the doctors who attended the dinner.

2. Me and our wonderful pediatrician. We all swear she's an angel. She sees a lot of sick children daily, and is on call for every cesarean section, and any emergency that she is called her.


Greetings! Woohoo! I finally figured out how to put pictures on the blog!
It's crazy that we are already in the middle of November. Man, these last couple of months have gone fairly quickly for me, I don't know about you. In Iowa this time of year, it gets cold, we get out our sweatshirts, hats and coats out. Actually, here in Honduras we are doing the same, it just doesn't get quite as cold! :)
I have found myself busy with work and surrounding events. This month we celebrated "dia del medico," or Doctor's day. This year I actually got involved, as time slipped up on us, and we about didn't get anything planned. But a few skits, a few songs sang, a nice delicious catered meal, and we had her done. A bit of a stressful week as it was all last minute, but it turned out okay, and I think the doctors enjoyed it.
I also got myself involved in helping lead a girl's group from church. It's just a few young girls that get together. We eat, we do a little Bible study/discussion, maybe a craft, and have a time of prayer. I do pray that this group, however insignificant it might be, will be of help to some of the young girls as they grow up in a society that has a lot of pressures to look the right way, a lot of sexuality in the society, and just lack of programs that encourage healthy self-esteem.
Other than that, I got to take a trip to the coast to look at another missionary hospital here in Honduras, which is a bit newer, more rural, etc. It was a nice experience to see another model, and talk with other Americans doing health work in Honduras.
I am also starting to really examine my life and decide what is the next step, as my term ends in February. As of now, I am planning to go back to Iowa, spend time with my family, hopefully find a nursing job there, and we'll see where God leads from there. I appreciate your prayers in this matter. Where does one place herself after 2 years in a completely different culture? Where and doing what? I ask myself, what do this 2 years mean for my life in the future? Will they impact my career decisions?
It's the holiday season, I am missing my family again, would have enjoyed a trip to be with them for Christmas. But it was a tough call, being that my term is almost coming to an end. All things one has to take into consideration. I am trying to focus on making the last 4 months good ones. I want to spend as much time as I can with the people I've learned to love, and try to focus on the present, instead of worrying so much about the future. I suppose the future will come soon enough.
Blessings to all of you! I hope your Thanksgiving is a good one!
Love Malerie

Close calls

So I try not to blog about the gloom and doom of Honduras. And I hope you won't read this as such. But I do want to share some of the thoughts I had yesterday.
I was reminiscing in my head yesterday as I left my house walking to go pick up some shirts I had left off at the house of the Señora who sewed my uniforms and has done some altering. Turns out I was supposed to call her to let her know that I wanted them done (even though I had left them there 2 months ago. I guess she figured I just didn't want them sitting around my house?? I don't know. But it was annoying, but kind of predictable, didn't even make me mad.) Also, my bike tire is punctures, and due to my lack of iniciative to get it fixed, I've been walking and taxing more, unfortunately. (mental note, GET THAT TIRE FIXED!) So anyways, I was walking past a health clinic on the road, and I heard an intense wailing and saw some family members sitting a lady down on the bench outside. I figured someone must have died. About an hour later, I climbed into a taxi who mentioned that a girl had been hit by a car and had died. It just struck me as strange. I know that Siguatepeque is small, but how did I have the casualty of figuring out the story behind that woman's wailing? The previous Saturday I was on my way to meeting some friends for dinner, and had driven in taxi past a pretty bad car wreck. But didn't really think much of it. When I arrived, I realized that those girls in that wreck were on their way to the same place I was going. The girls were in a taxi that had a drunk taxi driver in it that made a bad decision in driving. (imagine that.) One of the girls had a serious fracture of her pelvis, and had to go to the hospital. Later she got flown to Miami because the break was too complicated for any orthopedic doc here. She's a lucky girl that she is a foreigner and had good insurance. No Honduran could have done that.
I realized that it seems like these sorts of things are just much more "in your face, and close" than what I experience on a daily basis in the U.S. I have to say, that young 17 year Scottish girl had a super attitude about the whole situation. She plans on coming back to finish her year of teaching when she is recuperated. I'm not sure I would have had such a good attitude. Just incredible. No evil comments about the drunk taxi driver. I don't know if she was a Christian or not, but I have to say, that was quite a challenge for me.
Another instance: last week at the San Pedro Sula airport there was a shooting, and 6 were killed. That same day, my friend was flying back to Honduras from the U.S. He was there as it happened, thank God he was not caught in cross-fire or what have you.
I guess it kind of just blows my mind all of the tragedies in life that can come at anytime. It might take your life, or maybe not. But God has been so great with me. His grace has covered me from any sort of danger/assault thus far.

Prayer concerns:
-Continued guidance from God to help me know what steps to take next.
-Pray for the south of Honduras. They have gotten unstopping rain for the last week, and have had some serious flooding. People are out of their homes, and the roads are wrecked. Pray for safety, for provision, for hope, protection, and the stopping of the rain. My cousins are there, and say that their church folks have been staying under the roof for 3 days now. It is not an enclosed building. So just pray for them too.

As always, thank you for your continued prayers. I had no doubt they are being heard. Blessings, Malerie

August brings the heat

Greetings my friends,
I received a wonderful email this week from a friend in Iowa that was quite nice, but kind of put me to shame because she said, “I just finished reading your last blog, but that was from two months ago, so I would love to hear an update!” I realized that yes, it is indeed time to give an update.
Really things here continue on as routinely normal. I am doing the normal shifts of sometimes shift A: 5:45 am-2:15pm, or shift B: 1:45pm-9:30pm, or shift C: 9:00 pm-6:15 am. Though nursing here seems to be a different world, there are some things about nursing that are universal: stinky shifts! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop complaining about the stinky shifts we end up working. Weekends, holidays, nights, etc. Should have picked a different career, I guess. I continue also in my shifts to do some supervision of the especially new first years on the floor.
My recent accomplishment at the hospital was a day of education with the nurses and students on Diabetes. One of the other professional nurses and I gave an interactive day of exploring Diabetes as an illness with a focus on nursing care and education of the Diabetic patient. It was kind of tiring for me, especially as the night before the first day (there were 3) I got a nice head cold that threatened to wipe me out. Upon completing the third day, however, I had a nice feeling of satisfaction, knowing that one year ago, I no way could have done that with my less than adequate Spanish at the time. We got good feedback, and one always hopes that the theory will be put into practice. Also, as a college grad from EMU, we always learned the concept of empowerment. I could be talking idealistically, but I like the idea that perhaps a few more nurses are a tiny bit more “empowered” to educate others on the diabetic diet, exercise, self-cares, etc; even if it is just their own mother or grandparents, etc.

Things I am looking forward to that are coming up: In September I plan on taking a trip to visit my dear friends in Nicaragua Adam and Marisa, who are doing MCC for 3 years there. I am also hoping to stop in Choluteca, Honduras to visit my cousins Mark and Melanie who are serving there along with their children. I have found lately that I need some time spent away from Siguatepeque, and some time to reflect on my time here with people I know and love, and people who understand me and my culture, including my Mennonite beliefs. So I am definitely looking forward to a little time on the beach away from the routine of my daily life.
I also am looking forward to a missionary conference at the end of September with the missionaries of Honduras. The guest speaker will be Elizabeth Elliot’s brother, who supposedly is really great. Hopefully it will be a good time of encouragement between other foreigners serving in Honduras, and a time of restoration, and refocusing. I have high hopes. I often downplay the importance of rubbing shoulders with people who are like you when you are in a foreign land. Although I have enjoyed the independence I have here as the only VMMer here, I often feel very solo, and am thankful for the input I have of other Christian expats here.
Some struggles of Honduras: There are a lot, but to list a few of them.
1. The everlasting fight against lack of water. I will never ever EVER take for granted a hot high pressure shower. Most of the time, it’s a cold bucket bath for me. It’s frustrating. But I live in Honduras, why should I be any different from any other Honduran who occasionally has water.
2. Ever-present cultural differences. One becomes aware of how great cultural differences can be whether it be in friendships, in interactions with the opposite gender, in the professional world, or in church. Especially in the healthcare field, one finds the typical myths a people/culture has. I am going to share some of them with you further down. It is so hard sometimes to accept habits and beliefs of a different culture when they are directly contrasting to your own or seem to be just hokey.
3. Danger. I get tired of the restraints this puts on my life. I have to watch how much money I carry with me and if my purse is appropriate for where I am going. One has to plan pretty far ahead if you want to do something fun some night, because once it’s dark and you don’t have a car it is a rare time you will find anyone who would venture out with you. Hondurans are more wary than Americans actually.
4. A lot of exposure to death. I have never been exposed to such a high rate of murders. Weekly you hear of this or that assassination, etc. We have a lot of emergencies come into the hospital with wounded patient from knife wounds, machete wounds, or bullet wounds. Many of them die and I get tired of them. It’s one thing if they are in a gang; one expects those sorts of things. It’s another thing when someone comes in having been shot by someone who was robbing them for their cell phone or what not. Even worse is when someone tries to step in to help someone else getting robbed and they get shot. The violence is just ridiculous here. Human life is not valued, and people don’t think twice to take a life. It’s quite a shame. It’s this huge cycle of: poverty, lack of sanitary facilities, illness, and lack of education. This leads to young, single mothers, delinquent children, crime, drugs, and more poverty. When one looks at the big picture, it can seem like a pretty desperate situation. So much needless death, however, can be quite disconcerting and troubling and quite angering as well.
5. Seeing high rates of very very young and single mothers and children conceived between people who had no intention of investing their lives into making a child’s life beautiful. It seems like one after another is born into a situation with little opportunity to better oneself, maybe to a mother who may or may not be able to care for the baby. The thing is that there is so much emphasis placed on having children in this culture. It seems a little whack to me that people ask me if I have children, but not if I am married.
6. Living with machismo. I already posted on this one pretty heavily in another post.
So talking about interesting cultural beliefs, here are some of the popular ones amongst many:
-A woman should not eat rice or eggs or cheese (amongst others) after giving birth. Neither should she bathe for 40 days afterwards. (wrong, wrong, wrong. Sorry, there is no cultural sensitivity here. Those are all just bad ideas. Hygiene and a balanced diet are very important post-partum.)
-On newborns, many of the women believe that you need to put a red bracelet on the baby’s ankle or wrist to protect it from the “mal ojo” or the evil eye. This is to say that someone could give your baby the “evil eye” and make your baby sick. Many also bring along a “fajuelo” or a piece of cloth to wrap around the baby’s belly and umbilical stump to do, well, I still don’t know what it’s supposed to do. But you can buy factory-made fajuelos and people from all socio-economic levels use them. Our pediatrician advises against them.
-About anything can “hacerte daño,” or “do you harm.” Wearing a bra to bed, washing your hands with cold water after ironing, eating this or that, having a fan or the A/C turned on.
-People have all sorts of beliefs and tactics to elevate your hemoglobin and hematocrit, lower your blood pressure, fix your problem with “sugar” or Diabetes. My favorite is the case of “embacho.” Again, not exactly sure what it is, but when someone is sick with gastro problems, or stomach issues, or I don’t know what all, you can go to someone to “sobar” you. They give you a bitter drink (pulgante) which is a laxative, and they do some sort of massage. The funniest thing about it all, I actually came close to really consider trying it. If you’ve kept up with blogs and Facebook status updates, you will see that in the last 1 ½ years I have had a heck of a time with gastrointestinal infections. It could be that I don’t wash my veggies well, or that I ate something bad off of the street, or drank contaminated water, or who even knows? But one time I just was not feeling better, felt bloated all of the time, and it wouldn’t go away. I went to the gym, and ended up feeling better after exercising a good bit. Most doctors say that “sobando” is completely bogus. But some people swear by it, having been helped by it when no modern medicine did. But as our surgeon at the hospital says, “If you think it will help you do it, or think it will “hacerte daño” don’t.”

I find myself at times being slightly pretentious and rolling my eyes at these “stupid myths.” But I imagine that sub-consciously I have a good bit of my own stupid myths that I believe. Can anyone list any of these that we have as North Americans in our growing up and beliefs?

Other things I am learning have to do with personal growth. I am relearning the immense mercy and love of God. I am learning that God is not indifferent, and his justice is so great. Every step I make is important to him, and he wants to be present in everyday of my life. In times of doubt and anxiety, God is right there beside me wanting to hold my hand so that I am not alone. His mercy is so great to cover a multitude of sins, and his love extends beyond that to not only forgive but redirect me back into the path he desires for me. God is also teaching me my worth, and my value as his daughter. That is a wonderful thing as well.

Prayer Requests:
-That I can continue to find purpose in my work at the hospital, and look for the daily blessings of living here.
-I only have about 6 more months here. Pray that the Lord will begin to open doors for me in the path he desires for me to go for my future.


Feel free to post any thoughts you have on this post. I love to read them! Hope you are all well. Thanks for reading! With much love until the next time, Malerie

Update....it is summer time!

Hello All!

Once again it has been a while, and I am going to give an update on the last couple of months.

Three weeks ago, my church had a youth conference. It was a neat experience. The youth from my church decided 15 years ago that they wanted to have an event every summer for the other Sala Evangelicas (my church) for the youth. So this was my first time experiencing it. The event included games and food of course. But the topic of the messages were healthy relationships and sexuality out of Romans 12, 1. I really thought it was a good theme, because as we all know, this tends to be a theme little talked about in church, and for youth, particularly highschool age, it is an important thing to talk about. Even moreso here in this culture, that tends to have sexuality bleeding out of every song, TV program, and on the streets. I hope they youth got as much out of it as I did.

A big event that happened at work was the same weekend as the conference. One of my coworkers took a lethal pill to end her life. She left behind a 4 month old daughter. It was a big deal for all of us. Of course they brought her to the hospital, so of course we treated her. But this pill is a chemical that bean farmers use to cure their beans. They put it in a bag of beans after they have been harvested to kill all of the bugs in them. So it is lethal, and the chances of living after ingesting one of these is very little. It was a pretty incredible experience. Just the way that the community of the hospital responded with trying to convince her to repent for her soul in her last moments of life. when i felt it would have been more appropriate to comfort her, and let her know she was cared for. To say the least, I will never forget the experience. Definitely a learning experience. For sure, the next time I see someone struggling financially and emotionally, I will try to do something to help before it arrives to suicide.

My living situation is the same. Still thankful for living in a nice apartment very close to my workplace, I am grateful for that. I have not gotten to do much traveling lately. But I did get to go the last 2 Wednesday to some nursing conferences in the capital Tegucigalpa with some of my colleagues. They were nice trips that gave me some professional input again, and I learned some good stuff. The first time I got to stay with some friends for a day and relax, and that was quite lovely. It also coincided with the time my cousins Mark and Melanie flew back into the country, so I got to welcome them back for a little bit. That was a nice surprise.

Other than that, I continue with supervision in the hospital. Feeling more comfortable with my coworkers, and that is a nice blessing. I am missing my family, and really missing out on the growth of my little neice, only seeing by pictures. She is a real cutie. I mean, I guess I would say that as a proud aunt, right??

Anyways, as always, thanks for reading, and for your support! Post your comments, I love to read them! Much love from Honduras,
Malerie

Same old...

Greetings!
You know what is really strange? Replying to the questions "how are things?" and replying with "oh, same old, not really too much new happening, work, the gym, church." That is a strange thing to reply when living in a foreign country, because up till just a little while ago, nothing was same old, everything was new. Always. Nothing seemed normal, or comfortable. I think I am thankful for this, because it could just possibly mean that I have reached some sort of adjustment. I'm not positive I'm exactly completely adjusted, but things have become enough routine that I kind of am learning what to expect. I can't even say that I love my work environment. I may have adjusted, but it doesn't mean I really appreciate it, however, at it makes dealing with it a lot easier and better. The problem with this is, it makes me wonder if I'm doing enough to keep things mixed up.

For example, I've gotten this bug that makes me want to get moving and traveling. I haven't left Siguatepeque since my parents left. I feel that I should be taking advantage of my location and seeing more of the country, but I am left with the question "Why and with whom?" I have no travel partner, and it kind of scares me to think of taking off traveling to an unknown location alone. Probably not recommendable either. And perhaps this is a lesson to me of identifying with the Honduran. You'd be surprised to hear how many folks here have never left Honduras, it's small. But it takes money to leave, and of course requires a reason.

I think I want to touch the subject of machismo. According to Mirriam Webster, Machismo is: 1) a strong sense of masculine pride : an exaggerated masculinity 2)an exaggerated or exhilarating sense of power or strength. Machismo is something that is very apparent in the Latino culture, and Honduras is not any different. Many households are dominated by the father/husband, as are in many cultures. I would say it's fair to say that there is a lot of machismo in the traditional Mennonite household. Now, I'm not saying anything against having male leadership in the house, as I see that as a necessary thing. The problem that I see most of all, is that I see the males having pure dominance, without any sort of goodness to back that up. I see it in the way they treat the women. The male's desires and needs always come first, and many times he does not care for the emotions, or even the good of the woman. I see it in the way they treat their girlfriends when they date. I see it in their marriages. I see it in the way they cat call when we walk down the street. But the real kicker is that I see so many men impregnating women, and then disappearing, with no responsibility whatsoever. And it's the woman who gets the public shame for it. And then the man gets commended for how many different children he has planted, with no one asking just how many of those children he helped support, how many of them he clothes, or educated, or was a fatherly presence to. But he must be a real man if he has "fathered" 12 children.
Just tonight I was talking with a very friendly bubbly woman. A daughter of one of my patients. She mentioned the fact that she gets depressed a lot. So, feeling brave I asked her why. She talked about how her machisto husband is very jealous, and does not give her any freedom in her life, not to have friends, not to live her life for her own, and she ends up feeling very alone, and sad. And I think to myself, this is the story of SO many Honduran woman. Another aspect in many households is the infidelity of the man. This is so typical, and I believe it comes out of the thought that "the man should get what the man wants, no matter how much that will hurt his wife."
Thank God not all Latinos are like this, but I would say my complaint right now is that it has such a hold on society here. The women play into it, because that is what they have seen in their histories, and no one has ever told them that they deserve to be treated better. I suppose likewise, the history keeps repeating itself in the man because that is what he was raised in, and his parents never told him to take a different path, because that is what they live as well. I suppose if no one ever raises your consciousness to something, you'll never notice the wrong in it. I guess I feel sorry for the Honduran woman who has to fight this movement everyday, or if she decides to not fight it, than she just accepts it and lives the consequences.
Those are just some reflections. Don't get me wrong, I like a lot of things about Latino culture, but this is one thing that I loathe. I see it hurting the self-esteem of woman all over, I see it hurting my own sometimes. As I get more adjusted here, one has to endure the crappy things about the host culture too, and accepting the poor treatment of woman is something that really bothers me a lot. It's wrong, and really, I don't see the church addressing the issue either.
Matters for prayer:
-My friend Carmen who is having some issues with her pregnancy, that she will feel God's presence close, and that his will be done.
-For my work at the hospital, that I may be able to contribute something positive everyday/every shift.
-Relationship/friendship building
-God's guidance in where I might put my efforts in my last 9 months here.
-Leadership in the hospital, that the people will be able to improve the hospital attendance. We need more patients, and more business, and good management of what we do have.

As always, I love seeing your posts, and any thoughts you might have about this post. Thanks for your continued prayers and support. I love you!!! Thanks for remembering me, and reading my blog.

Wow, it sure is hot!

Greetings! As we enter into summertime here, and I am repeating a season, I am reminded of where I was just one year ago: new with about everything! The mangoes are showing up in the markets as well as the pineapple. It's heating up, and on the coast it's about unbearable, at least for the common citizen of Siguatepeque, who is used to the cooler weather of the mountains. We are pretty dry here, but soon in May will start the rainy season which calms the heat, but brings a lot of wet muddy roads. Life here continues on, pretty tranquil.

The big news in Honduras right now is the teachers on strike, fighting for their rights that the governing is trying to take away from them, their retirement, their funding, etc. This is an ongoing struggle between the teachers and the government. Never getting enough funding, the government embezzling it for their own gain for the rich, and the children get a month or two free from classes. I understand the need for the teachers, but I do shake my fist at Honduras for not putting education in higher esteem. Shoot, the only way this country can get ahead is if they invest in their people instead of their corrupt officials. It's an ongoing fight in 3rd world countries. It's very frustrating, because it seems that Honduras will never get ahead. If they continue in this pattern, the poor will continue to get poorer, less educated, and less able to defend themselves.

I write after having had a nice time here with my parents, who came to visit for a week. It was lovely to be able to share my life here with them, and I'm very grateful for their visit. However, it always leaves me feelings slightly blue after having a nice visit and time away from work. I first brought them here from the airport in San Pedro Sula, and they got to meet the special folks in my life here in Siguatepeque. I took them to a church service at my church here, a tour of the hospital, and we even managed to do some trash pickup in the lot across from my apartment before leaving town. (Honduras is utterly littered with trash, just bad bad bad habit of many folks who never learned to take pride in their country and mother nature, and throw their trash wherever they please.) We went onto the ancient Mayan ruins in Copan, went to the beach for one day in Tela, and then back to the airport they went. Of course, not without a few tears from Mom and me. But it was a good time, and I'm thankful for the safety the Lord gave us, considering we made ourselves all over Honduras in a little Chevy Aveo. No wrecks, and so you know, Honduras has some crazy driving rules. Or better said, lack of rules! So, thankful we had no major incidents.

So back to work I go tomorrow morning to the hospital. I am currently still doing supervision of the students in the hospital, and I am feeling more comfortable in that role, even though it can be awkward at times, because there are things I do not know still. But I suppose God knows why he has me here doing this job.

Other than Mom and Dad's visit, I haven't really had too much new occur lately. Hence, the lack of updating on the blog. Even so though, I send my greetings to all of you, loved ones! Thank you for your continued prayers and support. It is so special getting letters saying that I am remembered in spirit and prayer. I'm pretty sure there is no better way you could be of help to me right now.
With love and peace, Malerie

So this is the new year!

Happy New Year's! (belated). I apologize every time, but I will do it again. It's amazing if anyone still reads this, because I have been terrible at keeping this up to date. I do believe it is a good sign though. The less time I spend on the internet, the more time I am spending doing other things, hopefully involving my community, work, or friends here I am slowly making in Honduras.

I also have less access to internet now that I have moved! Yes my friend, I have moved. I now share an apartment right off the hospital campus. Really it was an answer to prayer: it gives me my own space, liberty to cook, a great roommate, and is super duper close to the hospital. So I am thankful for the opportunity. But I now do not have the access to the internet that I had earlier. Again, it has it's benefits and disadvantages.

So since the last time I blogged: I no longer am teaching. I tried it, gave it a good shot, and just felt there were too many barriers for making it a success. Language, their level of nursing, my level of nursing, my ability to teach, difference in cultures, systems, all of the above. So I am thankful for the experience, but am also really okay with not continuing in that area. I guess God has a different purpose for me here. Since then, I have tried a new role of "supervision" during the shifts of the first and second year students. The truth of the matter is that the girls really do learn most of their technique on the floor, and sometimes because of lack of staff, lack of presence of vigilance, they sometimes do not perform the way they should be. So my purpose of being in supervision is to be a ready available presence for them when they need help, have questions, and need assistance. I also am trying to fairly evaluate their clinical performance to report to the director of nursing.

How is it going? Oh, I don't know. Truly, I never really feel like I am doing anything how they want, but without further guidance, I am doing it they way I know how, and I haven't received complaints yet. I do think it's really important for the less-skilled and less-confident girls to have someone they can readily ask (without feeling stupid). But this position also really requires a certain amount of sternness as I am in a position of leadership, and that has been a real challenge for me. I am young, I never liked the idea of making myself higher than the others. Especially when many things I do not know better than them, simply because my education is from a different system. I don't always agree with the other leaders on the floor. So I have a lot of internal struggle a lot with whether or not I have any authority at all. At times I claim it and try to instruct accordingly, and then the next second another professional nurse or doctor contradicts what I just said. It truly leaves me with questions on the efficacy of having a foreign nurse come in and try to teach or assist. Or maybe it is just a question of time. But these sorts of experience really make me lose morale sometimes. When you feel for so long that anything you really have to say is "not how they do it here," you sort of start to lose your passion for anything. I have resorted to feeling like maybe the best thing for me is "shift-work" and forget about any hopes of supporting the administration with their efforts. And it's not that I want to be "higher up," I just wanted to be used for the skills God has given me. As many folks serving abroad often wonder, "why exactly am I here, Lord? What would you have me do?" I guess I'll stick to Micah 6:8: "To live justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God." So, how do I do that in my roll? That is the question I must be asking myself.

Last week, had a fellow Wellman, Iowa citizen come through Siguatepeque and visited me for the day, as he was passing through Central America. I was grateful for that visit, and really enjoyed bouncing ideas off each other, as he had lived previously in Honduras for 3 years, and had his own thoughts about Honduran culture, and what that means for missions, the Christian life, and where we go from here.

The weather is getting warmer, the green mangoes are starting to show up in the markets and on the street. Green mangoes are a typical snack where you throw in salt, spices, or hot sauce and nibble as your mouth salivates. Definitely a "oh man, this is so sour! lets do it again" sort of experience. Even better will be in a couple of months when they are ripe! so delicious.

Little by little, I feel like I am establishing friendships and relationships here. And that is such a blessing! I realized the other day I am starting to feel half-comfortable here. I know where to buy my groceries, I know who to call when I need help, I know how to get to church by myself, and my Spanish (although always a ridiculously difficult and often frustrating struggle) is indeed getting better bit by bit. All of this helps lessen the loneliness I often feel.

A note on Honduras. I am learning more and more about the financial state of the people. I am realizing just how hard it is to make any money here. You can work and work, but your money will never get you anywhere. You will never be able to have a savings. Why no savings?? Let me tell you about my good friend (I'll call her Marta to protect her identity) Marta is from a poor village where her father was a bit of drunk, and eventually her parents split up. Marta's dad died young, and her mom has health problems and can no longer work. There is just Marta and her younger sister. (lucky, how many of these same situations have families of 8 or 9??) Marta had the opportunity to go to Hospital Evangelico and study for 3 years. She now is trained to be an auxiliar nurse and can provide for herself. This is awesome, otherwise she may have found herself cleaning houses and selling tortillas the rest of her life. (This is something I like about the hospital, it targets those without opportunities to come to study and work at the hospital.) So Marta is now the only one in her family who is working. She makes around 6,000 Lempiras a month ($315). This pays her rent, she is now trying to register to get her highschool degree, since she only went to middle school before the hospital. her little sister is highschool age, so she wants to send her to school too. At one time she was part of the hospital cooperative where she could take out mini loans, but she had to take out the money she had in it when her grandma got sick. She also has to pay for the medicines her mom needs. So you see?? There is no way Marta can possibly make a savings. The second you save it, is when suddenly someone shows up sick, and what can you do but help them? They are your family.

I have often wondered about why Hondurans manage their money they way they do, more referring to those with very little wage. I could be mistaken, but this is my theory (my friend Caleb helped me think this one up, or rather shared it with me:) Money is like time for them. Whether or not you want to spend it, it ends up going away, so you might as well spend it while you have it. But it's not going to be there when you want it anyway. So money is best invested in what you buy, like, construction, b/c savings just doesn't stay around. It's a very complex subject, but these are just my musings. Culture is so complex, and it's so easy to want to think of all the answers, but you can't solve with answers when you don't understand the problems. And the problems are so complex. Until I spend like 20 years, I have very few answers for the problems of Honduras.

Well, that is all for now. Always a brief summary, a lot happens in a month and a half. But I don't want to bore with huge blogs. So, I welcome any comments, any thoughts, suggestions, and advice, or any words of encouragement as well. As always, keep praying. I need them. Every day, in my decisions, in my words, in my work, in my personal life, in my search for what is good and just living in a different country where things are just not fair.
Blessings!
-Malerie Rose

Christmas TIme

Merry Christmas, and happy holidays! Wishes for a profitable and fulfilled upcoming year. I hope you achieve all you want, or at least that you enjoy the next 365 days of the New Year 2011. May you make the most of it. May you make your own reality, and find the peace that comes from following your heart, and where Christ may lead you. That is my Christmas card greeting. I’m sorry, I am just simply not one of those missionaries who’s “on the ball” with e-greetings, etc. I guess I didn’t even think about doing that until now. I think you’ll understand, and bless you for doing that!

Today is the 18th of December 2010. Just a week from Christmas day. Having spent most of the last year here in Honduras, I am pondering how my view of Christmas might look slightly different here. I will be away from my family, and my normal traditions. Certainly no snow. Actually, I’m still not sure exactly how I will be spending the holiday. I will be spending it probably with the Martinez’, who have been my “host family” even though I do not live with them.

It’s strange. I see Christmas decorations, Christmas lights, wreaths, and even some Santa Clauses hanging around, but somehow I find it hard to find “the Christmas Spirit” this year. Or maybe every year one just has to choose to grab the warm fuzzies because circumstances cannot always yield them.

A friend from the church I attend has asked me to help with the Christmas Eve service, so I will be helping and re-oiling my rusty fingers to help play some Christmas hymns. It has been good for me. Sometimes I actually forget that I took 10 years of piano lessons, and that I know how to play music. (Thanks mom for financing that skill in me. I may have taken it for granted, but I am truly thankful for it, even now when I rarely get to use it.) Anyways, so I have been looking at the words of the hymns and trying to see what they might mean to Hondurans and also to myself, living in a different culture, with different rules to life. Here are some thoughts on them.

Away in a manger no crib for his bed. The little Lord Jesus laid down his sweet head. The stars in the sky looked down where he lay. The little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay.
-Could it be that Jesus understands what it means to live in dirty, contaminated, unsanitary conditions? Where there is no clean water, and people sleep in dirt? Could it be that Jesus understands the little children who walk the streets, meanwhile the dirty corrupt politicians ride in their caravan of security guards, inside the security of their fancy car cages? Could it be that Jesus can resonate with the children in the villages who will never have the opportunity of education, and ability to improve their quality of life?

Hark! The herald angels sing, “Glory to the newborn King! Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!” Joyful all ye nations rise, Join the triumph of the skies, with angelic hosts proclaim, “Christ is born in Bethlehem!”
-Does the Christ child know what it is to not feel safe leaving your house after dark for fear of the danger and violence? And what is mercy mild? God and sinners reconciled. Not sure what that means either.

A new Christmas song was introduced to me, really beautiful medley that goes together with “Silent Night.” It’s words are pretty typical Christmassy style, but anyways, here they are:
Peace, Peace, Peace on earth and good will to all, This is a time for joy, this is a time for love, Now let us all sing together of peace, peace, peace on earth.
Man, where did these Christmas composers get the idea that because ions of years ago because a little baby was born that a certain time of year we would have peace on earth. That people might suddenly love each other, and stop needless violence. Maybe Christmas is a time where we just express our prayers for these sorts of yearnings. I have become recently very aware of the pointless violence that is raging here in Honduras. Less so here in Siguatepeque than in the big cities, but that does not mean that it isn’t still a problem in Siguat.
Last week I was able to make a trip to visit my friends Adam and Marisa Clymer Shank from my small group at my church “The Table” in Harrisonburg, Virginia, who are now on their own 3 year terms with MCC in Nicaragua. It was a great time to spend some meaningful chats and spending quality time together, also exploring the touristic sights around Managua. Ken and Sue Horst, my VMM tranSend director came down to evaluate my location, give some support, and then accompany me to Managua.
It was a good time of reflection and encouragement.

However, the trip also raised my awareness of the rise in corruption and gang violence. In talking with a “brother” from the church in Tegucigalpa (still in Honduras, on the way down) who drives taxi for a living, I was made aware of the reality. He told us the story of recently getting ‘attacked, or ambushed” by some gang members who took his money, and also demanded 20,000 more Lempiras (about $1,000, a whole lot to demand of any middle to lower class Honduran family) or his family would be the ones to “pay” for it. Of course, this all happened not without physical injury of breaking his clavicle. He had the sling to prove it. (Don’t ask me how safe it was for a broken-clavicle man to be driving, but we’ll disregard that fact.) The taxi driver cried a little bit that morning just in giving us a ride from the guest house to the bus station. I don’t know. It’s just hard to completely identify with that sort of circumstance. I have to deal with the violence by working around it. But for this man it is either work and take the risk of being robbed again, or stop working. Just circumstances I will never have to deal with. If I show up missing, the U.S. embassy will look for me. If I get robbed of all my money, I have a family and a support system that can pull me out. Blessings I have that people here just don’t. This world is so unfair. Why does my friend work from 7 am-7pm and make peanuts for wages, has to support his fatherless family, and have to share a room with his sister. Why did he lose his opportunity for education? Why do some kids get to go to bilingual schools and have the advantage of 2 languages, when the others get less than adequate education, of course only till 6th grade? This life is not fair.

I don’t tell this story to make my mother afraid for my safety. Don’t worry mom, I still live within the gates of the hospital bubble, and live a pretty sheltered life here. But I do reflect on this story, because it can be a pretty desperate situation! When you can’t get any taxi drivers to pick you up at 7 pm because the stop driving beforehand due to the danger of driving at that hour, you kind of get the picture a bit better. This guy said that if it happens to him again, they will have to take his life because he already loaned out all the money he could find to pay the last attack.
So back to my prior statement. “Peace on Earth,” perhaps is the prayer, the cry of the human heart, especially for those who live in a system where the mayors and leaders of the country walk hand in hand with the gang members, the drug cartels and police. It’s pretty hard to see that as anywhere near a possibility when people get guns pointed in their chest to take from them a $15 cellphone, or $10 in cash.

I think the hymn “O Come, O Come Emmanuel has a different meaning to me now that I am no longer in my comfort zone of Wellman, Iowa, or Harrisonburg, VA.
“O come o come Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel, that mourns in lonely exile here. Until the Son of God appear. O Come thou dayspring, come and cheer, our spirits by thine advent here. Disperse the gloomy clouds of night, and death’s dark shadow put to flight. O Come, desire of nations, bind all people in one heart and mind. Bid envy, strife, and quarrels cease; Fill the whole world with heaven’s peace.”
Ah yes, Heaven’s peace would be nice. Even in my own soul, this hospital, Siguat, Honduras, Central America. The world.

As for a personal update, I again, have let my blogging get quite behind. As I mentioned, I got to take the trip to Nicaragua. I have been putting a fair amount of time into teaching and preparing. Teaching in Spanish is by far one of the most challenging, frustrating things I’ve ever done. However, it’s been a good review of my own nursing knowledge, and a good learning experience, and also special to be able to interact with the girls in this way. These girls are also my co-workers, so it’s kind of a strange experience sometimes, but I’ll take it.

About a week ago we had a Friday night party where the nursing students and the graduated nurses who all live on campus all joined up at the doctor’s house where I live to decorate the Christmas tree, eat pizza, watch a movie, play games, and just enjoy a fun evening. It was a fun event to be a part of. I will say though, the cookies were a disaster. But it was fun anyways. 

So it looks like I will be moving to my own apartment here pretty soon. I will still be on campus, but moving into my own little area. If only there was a Goodwill here!!! Apartments here do not come with refrigerators, counters, ovens, or anything. Pretty much a bare shell. So that’s a new challenge trying to find the best deals for these appliances. It’s an investment I wasn’t expecting for sure. I am hoping it will be a positive step for me here.

Hey, did you know it has now been almost been 10 months that I have been here? Thanks to you, my friend. For your prayers, thoughts, emails, and financial support. I am grateful for it. I may fail to keep everyone updated (obviously) but it’s just because I am trying to keep myself involved here, and I forget that maybe some of this stuff might be of interest to my loved ones at home. To be completely honest, having internet has very much kept me in touch with home, and sometimes has me missing the delights of home. But as a dear cousin states, “When in the U.S. we enjoy things that are of the U.S. When we are in Honduras, we enjoy the things of Honduras.” So I am blessed. My mom reminded me of how cool it is that I get to experience Christmas in a different country. How many get to do that? Best to take advantage of it, and enjoy it.
So what are the things of Honduras that I enjoy?
-Espresso Americano: a coffee shop chain that sells the best frappaccino for a about $1.25.
-La comida tipica: tacos, enchiladas, baleadas, flautas for very reasonable prices.
-Friendships made here
-the opportunity to learn Spanish
-Learning healthcare in another culture, and seeing how that works.
-The opportunity to travel a bit, also meeting other foreigners.
-Many others.

Anyways. I do hope you are doing well. You know what's hard? Investing in your current community, but also really wondering what is going on in the lives of your dear friends at home. It's hard for me. Facebook helps a little with that. But nothing, nothing nothing beats a good chat over coffee, a warm handshake a church, a hug at a family get-together. Maybe when I get back we'll have a chance to do that.

Anyways, thank you so much for reading this SUPER long blog update, and reading my musings, even if a bit jumbled. May the holidays be a special time, as you count your blessings, and enjoy where you are at.
Love, Malerie

Through the good and the bad....

Heidy Ho, hola hola hola. I find myself back again after a time of being extinct. Thanks for bearing with me. Man, time passes fast.

I'm going to summarize this updates in points:
1) Trip to Belize to renew passport visa
2) Learning to become the charge nurse on the floor
3) New baby in the Plank family: aka. I'm an aunt!
4) Haven't started teaching yet, also haven't started planning, which I'm embarrassed about. Working full time is hard to have the energy left to use your free time to plan, but I really truly am stoked about it!

So, in general, pretty good spirits. It has been really hard for me to not be present in Iowa with Allyce, my sister, while she went through labor, delivery, and the adjustment of moving home with the new little baby (Eva Maria, 7 lbs 3 oz). I didn't know Allyce was pregnant when I left for Honduras. So, it was definitely an unanticipated sacrifice. It's strange, because when other babies have been born, I've always kind of been like "big deal." But this baby is different. It's really surreal to see this beautiful little girl in pictures and understand that this little human being is of my blood, and of my sister. I guess I just feel like I'm missing out, and that I would like to be there to help Allyce. It also kind of set in as to how much more time I will be here.

Don't get me wrong. I really do like Honduras in general. I do not regret committing 2 years here. But some difficult and frustrating experiences have presented here. Frustration with the culture, frustration with my work facility, with the community in which I live, frustration with the everyday happenings of violence, robberies, assaults, and fights, frustration with communication, frustration with being so separated from my friends and family at home. Experienced expats can laugh at me, but I think I have a right to think these things. I'm pretty new at this living in another country thing, even if it has been 8 months. I'm just not really sure how to deal with this stuff. Do I accept the frustration? When is it worth it, or even acceptable to try to change the source of frustration? How much can one really add to an established facility as a newbie? Just really difficult questions. Sometimes i'm embarrassed to state my thoughts b/c they may just seem kind of ignorant and stupid. I mean, what were you expecting, Malerie? You went to a third world country, were you hoping for cheese and wine?

I took an obligatory week trip to Belize, which was pretty great. Would have liked to travel with a good friend, but it turned out fine, apart from the fact that I lost my camera on the way back. I tell you, I have the worst luck with cameras, EVER! I took a ferry across the gulf of Mexico and landed in Dangriga, Belize. By far the WORST boat ride ever. Just really really rough. But on this trip I was introduced to the world of international travelers: European, Brits, Australians, Belizeans. Very cool. It's quite impressive how many languages these people can speak! I'm not sure that I am cut out for long term (talking 3-4 months of free international travel). I like to travel, but I also like to be at home with internet and phone access, not living out of a backpack.

The last month or two I got trained to manage the floor during the shift and be charge nurse. My Spanish is improving, but still proves to be a pretty big challenge sometimes, but thank God, the girls are learning the way they need to speak to me so that I can understand what they are telling me. It was a good challenge, and made me appreciate the chillness of the other shifts when I'm not charge nurse. But it was just nice to be challenged again, and help me utilize my critical thinking skills. i find myself enjoying Intensive Care as well, which really doesn't end up being too high acuity, but usually a busy shift, which I like. I think little by little respect is won between individuals, which always feels great when you feel like one more coworker was won over to having report and trust. Of course with that, always comes the threat of breaking that trust, which is kind of scary too.

The doctor I am living with came back from his 5 month trip to the U.S. to visit his sons and family. So it's nice to not be living in this big house alone, but of course will be an adjustment after living alone for a while.

Well, I think that is about the end of this post. Hope you are all well. I haven't forgotten you. As always, thank you for your letters, thoughts, prayers. This month I received a care package and a snail mail letter from some friends, and I about died from glee. :)
Take care!

Happy Independence Day, Honduras!

I found myself downtown today, watching the "desfile", or the parade, because henceforth, even though all of September here is pretty much a celebration with morning songs from downtown rising up to my house (an elevated one) with drums and rhythms, and yeah, I still don't really get where it comes from, and why i hear it as if it were outside of my window, though it's a good half hour walk from here. Anyways, I find myself in good spirits today.
The parade lasts a good long while with mostly highschool and middle school kids representing their schools, or a cause such as "caring for the environment" or "preventing Dengue" or carrying flags of the 5 Central American states as, if I am not mistaken, all have their independence days in September, maybe even on the 15th. These included countries are: Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Costa Rica. Not exactly sure why Belize and Panama are not included. Some history there that I obviously have not done my homework on. Also, I was informed today by an expatriot from Spain that North Americans don't know anything about culture. All in light jest, but still. As I always say, behind every joke is a half-truth, and no doubt about it, most Europeans really pride themselves in knowing that being their countries are so close, they are full of culture, and us rich Americans truly just don't know the slightest thing about culture. I don't know. compared to them, probably it's true. I was raised in a place that didn't value other languages, or at least didn't promote the importance of learning other languages. But whatevs. I'm here now, struggling with learning another language at the age of 24 aren't I? Too bad I wasn't raised in bi and trilingual schools like they were. :)
Also,today I was presented with a plan for me to hopefully start helping teach and give nursing courses in the nursing school on campus, which although will be a true challenge, I'm stoked to find something to throw my efforts into. I think inevitably, it will have to help my Spanish too. So, with some review, studying, and enough effort put into my power points, and lots of prayer for guidance, I think I'll be okay.
Sometimes I really wonder what the world I'm accomplishing in being here. Is it just self-improvement? Am I adding anything to this hospital and community? Would I have been better off studying more in the U.S.? Sometimes these feelings really can get me down. Also feeling like I don't understand this culture, and never will. Sometimes I feel like I am not respected here for being a gringa, for my language struggles. Sometimes I get hermity and stay in my house more than I should. But you know, there are days like today where I feel hopefully and even content with my confusion. Ever so slowly I'm building a group of friends, a church family, and it keeps me happy through the struggles. I'm finding that when you reach out and make yourself available, people receive you when you find the right folks. :)
Want to know a struggle that really ticks me off. I'm not sure if I will ever get used to the comments the girls make about weight here. I have now been told twice, straight to my face, that I look like I'm gaining weight. Straight up, without shame, without any thought that this could be offensive. The first time I was so shocked and offended I didn't know what to do. The second time I mentioned that in my culture this is offensive to a woman. (especially if its true.) and also, they are not my friends. Who do they think they are telling me this without any respect to our coworker relationship?!?! Cross cultural differences? Yes, I think so. I think the next time I'm going to tell them that they look awfully fat in their scrubs, maybe they should consider eating less tortillas. Kidding, I would never do that, just giving an example of things that happen when living abroad that are hard to swallow. I will probably never really shrug off those things. Sorry, I lived 24 years in a country where getting fat is not really funny or fun, and saying it out loud will never be acceptable. It's hard to change that mentality, and I don't feel I need to. well, I suppose changing that mentality would sure make it easier to shrug off those comments.
Also, did you know that if you whip instant coffee with a little water and sugar till it's foamy and then add hot water and milk you have one delicious cup of joe?
Well, I will leave you with that. Keep on loving each other, and showing love to the world. Everyone needs it. Blessings!