Greetings!
You know what is really strange? Replying to the questions "how are things?" and replying with "oh, same old, not really too much new happening, work, the gym, church." That is a strange thing to reply when living in a foreign country, because up till just a little while ago, nothing was same old, everything was new. Always. Nothing seemed normal, or comfortable. I think I am thankful for this, because it could just possibly mean that I have reached some sort of adjustment. I'm not positive I'm exactly completely adjusted, but things have become enough routine that I kind of am learning what to expect. I can't even say that I love my work environment. I may have adjusted, but it doesn't mean I really appreciate it, however, at it makes dealing with it a lot easier and better. The problem with this is, it makes me wonder if I'm doing enough to keep things mixed up.
For example, I've gotten this bug that makes me want to get moving and traveling. I haven't left Siguatepeque since my parents left. I feel that I should be taking advantage of my location and seeing more of the country, but I am left with the question "Why and with whom?" I have no travel partner, and it kind of scares me to think of taking off traveling to an unknown location alone. Probably not recommendable either. And perhaps this is a lesson to me of identifying with the Honduran. You'd be surprised to hear how many folks here have never left Honduras, it's small. But it takes money to leave, and of course requires a reason.
I think I want to touch the subject of machismo. According to Mirriam Webster, Machismo is: 1) a strong sense of masculine pride : an exaggerated masculinity 2)an exaggerated or exhilarating sense of power or strength. Machismo is something that is very apparent in the Latino culture, and Honduras is not any different. Many households are dominated by the father/husband, as are in many cultures. I would say it's fair to say that there is a lot of machismo in the traditional Mennonite household. Now, I'm not saying anything against having male leadership in the house, as I see that as a necessary thing. The problem that I see most of all, is that I see the males having pure dominance, without any sort of goodness to back that up. I see it in the way they treat the women. The male's desires and needs always come first, and many times he does not care for the emotions, or even the good of the woman. I see it in the way they treat their girlfriends when they date. I see it in their marriages. I see it in the way they cat call when we walk down the street. But the real kicker is that I see so many men impregnating women, and then disappearing, with no responsibility whatsoever. And it's the woman who gets the public shame for it. And then the man gets commended for how many different children he has planted, with no one asking just how many of those children he helped support, how many of them he clothes, or educated, or was a fatherly presence to. But he must be a real man if he has "fathered" 12 children.
Just tonight I was talking with a very friendly bubbly woman. A daughter of one of my patients. She mentioned the fact that she gets depressed a lot. So, feeling brave I asked her why. She talked about how her machisto husband is very jealous, and does not give her any freedom in her life, not to have friends, not to live her life for her own, and she ends up feeling very alone, and sad. And I think to myself, this is the story of SO many Honduran woman. Another aspect in many households is the infidelity of the man. This is so typical, and I believe it comes out of the thought that "the man should get what the man wants, no matter how much that will hurt his wife."
Thank God not all Latinos are like this, but I would say my complaint right now is that it has such a hold on society here. The women play into it, because that is what they have seen in their histories, and no one has ever told them that they deserve to be treated better. I suppose likewise, the history keeps repeating itself in the man because that is what he was raised in, and his parents never told him to take a different path, because that is what they live as well. I suppose if no one ever raises your consciousness to something, you'll never notice the wrong in it. I guess I feel sorry for the Honduran woman who has to fight this movement everyday, or if she decides to not fight it, than she just accepts it and lives the consequences.
Those are just some reflections. Don't get me wrong, I like a lot of things about Latino culture, but this is one thing that I loathe. I see it hurting the self-esteem of woman all over, I see it hurting my own sometimes. As I get more adjusted here, one has to endure the crappy things about the host culture too, and accepting the poor treatment of woman is something that really bothers me a lot. It's wrong, and really, I don't see the church addressing the issue either.
Matters for prayer:
-My friend Carmen who is having some issues with her pregnancy, that she will feel God's presence close, and that his will be done.
-For my work at the hospital, that I may be able to contribute something positive everyday/every shift.
-Relationship/friendship building
-God's guidance in where I might put my efforts in my last 9 months here.
-Leadership in the hospital, that the people will be able to improve the hospital attendance. We need more patients, and more business, and good management of what we do have.
As always, I love seeing your posts, and any thoughts you might have about this post. Thanks for your continued prayers and support. I love you!!! Thanks for remembering me, and reading my blog.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Wow, it sure is hot!
Greetings! As we enter into summertime here, and I am repeating a season, I am reminded of where I was just one year ago: new with about everything! The mangoes are showing up in the markets as well as the pineapple. It's heating up, and on the coast it's about unbearable, at least for the common citizen of Siguatepeque, who is used to the cooler weather of the mountains. We are pretty dry here, but soon in May will start the rainy season which calms the heat, but brings a lot of wet muddy roads. Life here continues on, pretty tranquil.
The big news in Honduras right now is the teachers on strike, fighting for their rights that the governing is trying to take away from them, their retirement, their funding, etc. This is an ongoing struggle between the teachers and the government. Never getting enough funding, the government embezzling it for their own gain for the rich, and the children get a month or two free from classes. I understand the need for the teachers, but I do shake my fist at Honduras for not putting education in higher esteem. Shoot, the only way this country can get ahead is if they invest in their people instead of their corrupt officials. It's an ongoing fight in 3rd world countries. It's very frustrating, because it seems that Honduras will never get ahead. If they continue in this pattern, the poor will continue to get poorer, less educated, and less able to defend themselves.
I write after having had a nice time here with my parents, who came to visit for a week. It was lovely to be able to share my life here with them, and I'm very grateful for their visit. However, it always leaves me feelings slightly blue after having a nice visit and time away from work. I first brought them here from the airport in San Pedro Sula, and they got to meet the special folks in my life here in Siguatepeque. I took them to a church service at my church here, a tour of the hospital, and we even managed to do some trash pickup in the lot across from my apartment before leaving town. (Honduras is utterly littered with trash, just bad bad bad habit of many folks who never learned to take pride in their country and mother nature, and throw their trash wherever they please.) We went onto the ancient Mayan ruins in Copan, went to the beach for one day in Tela, and then back to the airport they went. Of course, not without a few tears from Mom and me. But it was a good time, and I'm thankful for the safety the Lord gave us, considering we made ourselves all over Honduras in a little Chevy Aveo. No wrecks, and so you know, Honduras has some crazy driving rules. Or better said, lack of rules! So, thankful we had no major incidents.
So back to work I go tomorrow morning to the hospital. I am currently still doing supervision of the students in the hospital, and I am feeling more comfortable in that role, even though it can be awkward at times, because there are things I do not know still. But I suppose God knows why he has me here doing this job.
Other than Mom and Dad's visit, I haven't really had too much new occur lately. Hence, the lack of updating on the blog. Even so though, I send my greetings to all of you, loved ones! Thank you for your continued prayers and support. It is so special getting letters saying that I am remembered in spirit and prayer. I'm pretty sure there is no better way you could be of help to me right now.
With love and peace, Malerie
The big news in Honduras right now is the teachers on strike, fighting for their rights that the governing is trying to take away from them, their retirement, their funding, etc. This is an ongoing struggle between the teachers and the government. Never getting enough funding, the government embezzling it for their own gain for the rich, and the children get a month or two free from classes. I understand the need for the teachers, but I do shake my fist at Honduras for not putting education in higher esteem. Shoot, the only way this country can get ahead is if they invest in their people instead of their corrupt officials. It's an ongoing fight in 3rd world countries. It's very frustrating, because it seems that Honduras will never get ahead. If they continue in this pattern, the poor will continue to get poorer, less educated, and less able to defend themselves.
I write after having had a nice time here with my parents, who came to visit for a week. It was lovely to be able to share my life here with them, and I'm very grateful for their visit. However, it always leaves me feelings slightly blue after having a nice visit and time away from work. I first brought them here from the airport in San Pedro Sula, and they got to meet the special folks in my life here in Siguatepeque. I took them to a church service at my church here, a tour of the hospital, and we even managed to do some trash pickup in the lot across from my apartment before leaving town. (Honduras is utterly littered with trash, just bad bad bad habit of many folks who never learned to take pride in their country and mother nature, and throw their trash wherever they please.) We went onto the ancient Mayan ruins in Copan, went to the beach for one day in Tela, and then back to the airport they went. Of course, not without a few tears from Mom and me. But it was a good time, and I'm thankful for the safety the Lord gave us, considering we made ourselves all over Honduras in a little Chevy Aveo. No wrecks, and so you know, Honduras has some crazy driving rules. Or better said, lack of rules! So, thankful we had no major incidents.
So back to work I go tomorrow morning to the hospital. I am currently still doing supervision of the students in the hospital, and I am feeling more comfortable in that role, even though it can be awkward at times, because there are things I do not know still. But I suppose God knows why he has me here doing this job.
Other than Mom and Dad's visit, I haven't really had too much new occur lately. Hence, the lack of updating on the blog. Even so though, I send my greetings to all of you, loved ones! Thank you for your continued prayers and support. It is so special getting letters saying that I am remembered in spirit and prayer. I'm pretty sure there is no better way you could be of help to me right now.
With love and peace, Malerie
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
So this is the new year!
Happy New Year's! (belated). I apologize every time, but I will do it again. It's amazing if anyone still reads this, because I have been terrible at keeping this up to date. I do believe it is a good sign though. The less time I spend on the internet, the more time I am spending doing other things, hopefully involving my community, work, or friends here I am slowly making in Honduras.
I also have less access to internet now that I have moved! Yes my friend, I have moved. I now share an apartment right off the hospital campus. Really it was an answer to prayer: it gives me my own space, liberty to cook, a great roommate, and is super duper close to the hospital. So I am thankful for the opportunity. But I now do not have the access to the internet that I had earlier. Again, it has it's benefits and disadvantages.
So since the last time I blogged: I no longer am teaching. I tried it, gave it a good shot, and just felt there were too many barriers for making it a success. Language, their level of nursing, my level of nursing, my ability to teach, difference in cultures, systems, all of the above. So I am thankful for the experience, but am also really okay with not continuing in that area. I guess God has a different purpose for me here. Since then, I have tried a new role of "supervision" during the shifts of the first and second year students. The truth of the matter is that the girls really do learn most of their technique on the floor, and sometimes because of lack of staff, lack of presence of vigilance, they sometimes do not perform the way they should be. So my purpose of being in supervision is to be a ready available presence for them when they need help, have questions, and need assistance. I also am trying to fairly evaluate their clinical performance to report to the director of nursing.
How is it going? Oh, I don't know. Truly, I never really feel like I am doing anything how they want, but without further guidance, I am doing it they way I know how, and I haven't received complaints yet. I do think it's really important for the less-skilled and less-confident girls to have someone they can readily ask (without feeling stupid). But this position also really requires a certain amount of sternness as I am in a position of leadership, and that has been a real challenge for me. I am young, I never liked the idea of making myself higher than the others. Especially when many things I do not know better than them, simply because my education is from a different system. I don't always agree with the other leaders on the floor. So I have a lot of internal struggle a lot with whether or not I have any authority at all. At times I claim it and try to instruct accordingly, and then the next second another professional nurse or doctor contradicts what I just said. It truly leaves me with questions on the efficacy of having a foreign nurse come in and try to teach or assist. Or maybe it is just a question of time. But these sorts of experience really make me lose morale sometimes. When you feel for so long that anything you really have to say is "not how they do it here," you sort of start to lose your passion for anything. I have resorted to feeling like maybe the best thing for me is "shift-work" and forget about any hopes of supporting the administration with their efforts. And it's not that I want to be "higher up," I just wanted to be used for the skills God has given me. As many folks serving abroad often wonder, "why exactly am I here, Lord? What would you have me do?" I guess I'll stick to Micah 6:8: "To live justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God." So, how do I do that in my roll? That is the question I must be asking myself.
Last week, had a fellow Wellman, Iowa citizen come through Siguatepeque and visited me for the day, as he was passing through Central America. I was grateful for that visit, and really enjoyed bouncing ideas off each other, as he had lived previously in Honduras for 3 years, and had his own thoughts about Honduran culture, and what that means for missions, the Christian life, and where we go from here.
The weather is getting warmer, the green mangoes are starting to show up in the markets and on the street. Green mangoes are a typical snack where you throw in salt, spices, or hot sauce and nibble as your mouth salivates. Definitely a "oh man, this is so sour! lets do it again" sort of experience. Even better will be in a couple of months when they are ripe! so delicious.
Little by little, I feel like I am establishing friendships and relationships here. And that is such a blessing! I realized the other day I am starting to feel half-comfortable here. I know where to buy my groceries, I know who to call when I need help, I know how to get to church by myself, and my Spanish (although always a ridiculously difficult and often frustrating struggle) is indeed getting better bit by bit. All of this helps lessen the loneliness I often feel.
A note on Honduras. I am learning more and more about the financial state of the people. I am realizing just how hard it is to make any money here. You can work and work, but your money will never get you anywhere. You will never be able to have a savings. Why no savings?? Let me tell you about my good friend (I'll call her Marta to protect her identity) Marta is from a poor village where her father was a bit of drunk, and eventually her parents split up. Marta's dad died young, and her mom has health problems and can no longer work. There is just Marta and her younger sister. (lucky, how many of these same situations have families of 8 or 9??) Marta had the opportunity to go to Hospital Evangelico and study for 3 years. She now is trained to be an auxiliar nurse and can provide for herself. This is awesome, otherwise she may have found herself cleaning houses and selling tortillas the rest of her life. (This is something I like about the hospital, it targets those without opportunities to come to study and work at the hospital.) So Marta is now the only one in her family who is working. She makes around 6,000 Lempiras a month ($315). This pays her rent, she is now trying to register to get her highschool degree, since she only went to middle school before the hospital. her little sister is highschool age, so she wants to send her to school too. At one time she was part of the hospital cooperative where she could take out mini loans, but she had to take out the money she had in it when her grandma got sick. She also has to pay for the medicines her mom needs. So you see?? There is no way Marta can possibly make a savings. The second you save it, is when suddenly someone shows up sick, and what can you do but help them? They are your family.
I have often wondered about why Hondurans manage their money they way they do, more referring to those with very little wage. I could be mistaken, but this is my theory (my friend Caleb helped me think this one up, or rather shared it with me:) Money is like time for them. Whether or not you want to spend it, it ends up going away, so you might as well spend it while you have it. But it's not going to be there when you want it anyway. So money is best invested in what you buy, like, construction, b/c savings just doesn't stay around. It's a very complex subject, but these are just my musings. Culture is so complex, and it's so easy to want to think of all the answers, but you can't solve with answers when you don't understand the problems. And the problems are so complex. Until I spend like 20 years, I have very few answers for the problems of Honduras.
Well, that is all for now. Always a brief summary, a lot happens in a month and a half. But I don't want to bore with huge blogs. So, I welcome any comments, any thoughts, suggestions, and advice, or any words of encouragement as well. As always, keep praying. I need them. Every day, in my decisions, in my words, in my work, in my personal life, in my search for what is good and just living in a different country where things are just not fair.
Blessings!
-Malerie Rose
I also have less access to internet now that I have moved! Yes my friend, I have moved. I now share an apartment right off the hospital campus. Really it was an answer to prayer: it gives me my own space, liberty to cook, a great roommate, and is super duper close to the hospital. So I am thankful for the opportunity. But I now do not have the access to the internet that I had earlier. Again, it has it's benefits and disadvantages.
So since the last time I blogged: I no longer am teaching. I tried it, gave it a good shot, and just felt there were too many barriers for making it a success. Language, their level of nursing, my level of nursing, my ability to teach, difference in cultures, systems, all of the above. So I am thankful for the experience, but am also really okay with not continuing in that area. I guess God has a different purpose for me here. Since then, I have tried a new role of "supervision" during the shifts of the first and second year students. The truth of the matter is that the girls really do learn most of their technique on the floor, and sometimes because of lack of staff, lack of presence of vigilance, they sometimes do not perform the way they should be. So my purpose of being in supervision is to be a ready available presence for them when they need help, have questions, and need assistance. I also am trying to fairly evaluate their clinical performance to report to the director of nursing.
How is it going? Oh, I don't know. Truly, I never really feel like I am doing anything how they want, but without further guidance, I am doing it they way I know how, and I haven't received complaints yet. I do think it's really important for the less-skilled and less-confident girls to have someone they can readily ask (without feeling stupid). But this position also really requires a certain amount of sternness as I am in a position of leadership, and that has been a real challenge for me. I am young, I never liked the idea of making myself higher than the others. Especially when many things I do not know better than them, simply because my education is from a different system. I don't always agree with the other leaders on the floor. So I have a lot of internal struggle a lot with whether or not I have any authority at all. At times I claim it and try to instruct accordingly, and then the next second another professional nurse or doctor contradicts what I just said. It truly leaves me with questions on the efficacy of having a foreign nurse come in and try to teach or assist. Or maybe it is just a question of time. But these sorts of experience really make me lose morale sometimes. When you feel for so long that anything you really have to say is "not how they do it here," you sort of start to lose your passion for anything. I have resorted to feeling like maybe the best thing for me is "shift-work" and forget about any hopes of supporting the administration with their efforts. And it's not that I want to be "higher up," I just wanted to be used for the skills God has given me. As many folks serving abroad often wonder, "why exactly am I here, Lord? What would you have me do?" I guess I'll stick to Micah 6:8: "To live justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God." So, how do I do that in my roll? That is the question I must be asking myself.
Last week, had a fellow Wellman, Iowa citizen come through Siguatepeque and visited me for the day, as he was passing through Central America. I was grateful for that visit, and really enjoyed bouncing ideas off each other, as he had lived previously in Honduras for 3 years, and had his own thoughts about Honduran culture, and what that means for missions, the Christian life, and where we go from here.
The weather is getting warmer, the green mangoes are starting to show up in the markets and on the street. Green mangoes are a typical snack where you throw in salt, spices, or hot sauce and nibble as your mouth salivates. Definitely a "oh man, this is so sour! lets do it again" sort of experience. Even better will be in a couple of months when they are ripe! so delicious.
Little by little, I feel like I am establishing friendships and relationships here. And that is such a blessing! I realized the other day I am starting to feel half-comfortable here. I know where to buy my groceries, I know who to call when I need help, I know how to get to church by myself, and my Spanish (although always a ridiculously difficult and often frustrating struggle) is indeed getting better bit by bit. All of this helps lessen the loneliness I often feel.
A note on Honduras. I am learning more and more about the financial state of the people. I am realizing just how hard it is to make any money here. You can work and work, but your money will never get you anywhere. You will never be able to have a savings. Why no savings?? Let me tell you about my good friend (I'll call her Marta to protect her identity) Marta is from a poor village where her father was a bit of drunk, and eventually her parents split up. Marta's dad died young, and her mom has health problems and can no longer work. There is just Marta and her younger sister. (lucky, how many of these same situations have families of 8 or 9??) Marta had the opportunity to go to Hospital Evangelico and study for 3 years. She now is trained to be an auxiliar nurse and can provide for herself. This is awesome, otherwise she may have found herself cleaning houses and selling tortillas the rest of her life. (This is something I like about the hospital, it targets those without opportunities to come to study and work at the hospital.) So Marta is now the only one in her family who is working. She makes around 6,000 Lempiras a month ($315). This pays her rent, she is now trying to register to get her highschool degree, since she only went to middle school before the hospital. her little sister is highschool age, so she wants to send her to school too. At one time she was part of the hospital cooperative where she could take out mini loans, but she had to take out the money she had in it when her grandma got sick. She also has to pay for the medicines her mom needs. So you see?? There is no way Marta can possibly make a savings. The second you save it, is when suddenly someone shows up sick, and what can you do but help them? They are your family.
I have often wondered about why Hondurans manage their money they way they do, more referring to those with very little wage. I could be mistaken, but this is my theory (my friend Caleb helped me think this one up, or rather shared it with me:) Money is like time for them. Whether or not you want to spend it, it ends up going away, so you might as well spend it while you have it. But it's not going to be there when you want it anyway. So money is best invested in what you buy, like, construction, b/c savings just doesn't stay around. It's a very complex subject, but these are just my musings. Culture is so complex, and it's so easy to want to think of all the answers, but you can't solve with answers when you don't understand the problems. And the problems are so complex. Until I spend like 20 years, I have very few answers for the problems of Honduras.
Well, that is all for now. Always a brief summary, a lot happens in a month and a half. But I don't want to bore with huge blogs. So, I welcome any comments, any thoughts, suggestions, and advice, or any words of encouragement as well. As always, keep praying. I need them. Every day, in my decisions, in my words, in my work, in my personal life, in my search for what is good and just living in a different country where things are just not fair.
Blessings!
-Malerie Rose
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Christmas TIme
Merry Christmas, and happy holidays! Wishes for a profitable and fulfilled upcoming year. I hope you achieve all you want, or at least that you enjoy the next 365 days of the New Year 2011. May you make the most of it. May you make your own reality, and find the peace that comes from following your heart, and where Christ may lead you. That is my Christmas card greeting. I’m sorry, I am just simply not one of those missionaries who’s “on the ball” with e-greetings, etc. I guess I didn’t even think about doing that until now. I think you’ll understand, and bless you for doing that!
Today is the 18th of December 2010. Just a week from Christmas day. Having spent most of the last year here in Honduras, I am pondering how my view of Christmas might look slightly different here. I will be away from my family, and my normal traditions. Certainly no snow. Actually, I’m still not sure exactly how I will be spending the holiday. I will be spending it probably with the Martinez’, who have been my “host family” even though I do not live with them.
It’s strange. I see Christmas decorations, Christmas lights, wreaths, and even some Santa Clauses hanging around, but somehow I find it hard to find “the Christmas Spirit” this year. Or maybe every year one just has to choose to grab the warm fuzzies because circumstances cannot always yield them.
A friend from the church I attend has asked me to help with the Christmas Eve service, so I will be helping and re-oiling my rusty fingers to help play some Christmas hymns. It has been good for me. Sometimes I actually forget that I took 10 years of piano lessons, and that I know how to play music. (Thanks mom for financing that skill in me. I may have taken it for granted, but I am truly thankful for it, even now when I rarely get to use it.) Anyways, so I have been looking at the words of the hymns and trying to see what they might mean to Hondurans and also to myself, living in a different culture, with different rules to life. Here are some thoughts on them.
Away in a manger no crib for his bed. The little Lord Jesus laid down his sweet head. The stars in the sky looked down where he lay. The little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay.
-Could it be that Jesus understands what it means to live in dirty, contaminated, unsanitary conditions? Where there is no clean water, and people sleep in dirt? Could it be that Jesus understands the little children who walk the streets, meanwhile the dirty corrupt politicians ride in their caravan of security guards, inside the security of their fancy car cages? Could it be that Jesus can resonate with the children in the villages who will never have the opportunity of education, and ability to improve their quality of life?
Hark! The herald angels sing, “Glory to the newborn King! Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!” Joyful all ye nations rise, Join the triumph of the skies, with angelic hosts proclaim, “Christ is born in Bethlehem!”
-Does the Christ child know what it is to not feel safe leaving your house after dark for fear of the danger and violence? And what is mercy mild? God and sinners reconciled. Not sure what that means either.
A new Christmas song was introduced to me, really beautiful medley that goes together with “Silent Night.” It’s words are pretty typical Christmassy style, but anyways, here they are:
Peace, Peace, Peace on earth and good will to all, This is a time for joy, this is a time for love, Now let us all sing together of peace, peace, peace on earth.
Man, where did these Christmas composers get the idea that because ions of years ago because a little baby was born that a certain time of year we would have peace on earth. That people might suddenly love each other, and stop needless violence. Maybe Christmas is a time where we just express our prayers for these sorts of yearnings. I have become recently very aware of the pointless violence that is raging here in Honduras. Less so here in Siguatepeque than in the big cities, but that does not mean that it isn’t still a problem in Siguat.
Last week I was able to make a trip to visit my friends Adam and Marisa Clymer Shank from my small group at my church “The Table” in Harrisonburg, Virginia, who are now on their own 3 year terms with MCC in Nicaragua. It was a great time to spend some meaningful chats and spending quality time together, also exploring the touristic sights around Managua. Ken and Sue Horst, my VMM tranSend director came down to evaluate my location, give some support, and then accompany me to Managua.
It was a good time of reflection and encouragement.
However, the trip also raised my awareness of the rise in corruption and gang violence. In talking with a “brother” from the church in Tegucigalpa (still in Honduras, on the way down) who drives taxi for a living, I was made aware of the reality. He told us the story of recently getting ‘attacked, or ambushed” by some gang members who took his money, and also demanded 20,000 more Lempiras (about $1,000, a whole lot to demand of any middle to lower class Honduran family) or his family would be the ones to “pay” for it. Of course, this all happened not without physical injury of breaking his clavicle. He had the sling to prove it. (Don’t ask me how safe it was for a broken-clavicle man to be driving, but we’ll disregard that fact.) The taxi driver cried a little bit that morning just in giving us a ride from the guest house to the bus station. I don’t know. It’s just hard to completely identify with that sort of circumstance. I have to deal with the violence by working around it. But for this man it is either work and take the risk of being robbed again, or stop working. Just circumstances I will never have to deal with. If I show up missing, the U.S. embassy will look for me. If I get robbed of all my money, I have a family and a support system that can pull me out. Blessings I have that people here just don’t. This world is so unfair. Why does my friend work from 7 am-7pm and make peanuts for wages, has to support his fatherless family, and have to share a room with his sister. Why did he lose his opportunity for education? Why do some kids get to go to bilingual schools and have the advantage of 2 languages, when the others get less than adequate education, of course only till 6th grade? This life is not fair.
I don’t tell this story to make my mother afraid for my safety. Don’t worry mom, I still live within the gates of the hospital bubble, and live a pretty sheltered life here. But I do reflect on this story, because it can be a pretty desperate situation! When you can’t get any taxi drivers to pick you up at 7 pm because the stop driving beforehand due to the danger of driving at that hour, you kind of get the picture a bit better. This guy said that if it happens to him again, they will have to take his life because he already loaned out all the money he could find to pay the last attack.
So back to my prior statement. “Peace on Earth,” perhaps is the prayer, the cry of the human heart, especially for those who live in a system where the mayors and leaders of the country walk hand in hand with the gang members, the drug cartels and police. It’s pretty hard to see that as anywhere near a possibility when people get guns pointed in their chest to take from them a $15 cellphone, or $10 in cash.
I think the hymn “O Come, O Come Emmanuel has a different meaning to me now that I am no longer in my comfort zone of Wellman, Iowa, or Harrisonburg, VA.
“O come o come Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel, that mourns in lonely exile here. Until the Son of God appear. O Come thou dayspring, come and cheer, our spirits by thine advent here. Disperse the gloomy clouds of night, and death’s dark shadow put to flight. O Come, desire of nations, bind all people in one heart and mind. Bid envy, strife, and quarrels cease; Fill the whole world with heaven’s peace.”
Ah yes, Heaven’s peace would be nice. Even in my own soul, this hospital, Siguat, Honduras, Central America. The world.
As for a personal update, I again, have let my blogging get quite behind. As I mentioned, I got to take the trip to Nicaragua. I have been putting a fair amount of time into teaching and preparing. Teaching in Spanish is by far one of the most challenging, frustrating things I’ve ever done. However, it’s been a good review of my own nursing knowledge, and a good learning experience, and also special to be able to interact with the girls in this way. These girls are also my co-workers, so it’s kind of a strange experience sometimes, but I’ll take it.
About a week ago we had a Friday night party where the nursing students and the graduated nurses who all live on campus all joined up at the doctor’s house where I live to decorate the Christmas tree, eat pizza, watch a movie, play games, and just enjoy a fun evening. It was a fun event to be a part of. I will say though, the cookies were a disaster. But it was fun anyways.
So it looks like I will be moving to my own apartment here pretty soon. I will still be on campus, but moving into my own little area. If only there was a Goodwill here!!! Apartments here do not come with refrigerators, counters, ovens, or anything. Pretty much a bare shell. So that’s a new challenge trying to find the best deals for these appliances. It’s an investment I wasn’t expecting for sure. I am hoping it will be a positive step for me here.
Hey, did you know it has now been almost been 10 months that I have been here? Thanks to you, my friend. For your prayers, thoughts, emails, and financial support. I am grateful for it. I may fail to keep everyone updated (obviously) but it’s just because I am trying to keep myself involved here, and I forget that maybe some of this stuff might be of interest to my loved ones at home. To be completely honest, having internet has very much kept me in touch with home, and sometimes has me missing the delights of home. But as a dear cousin states, “When in the U.S. we enjoy things that are of the U.S. When we are in Honduras, we enjoy the things of Honduras.” So I am blessed. My mom reminded me of how cool it is that I get to experience Christmas in a different country. How many get to do that? Best to take advantage of it, and enjoy it.
So what are the things of Honduras that I enjoy?
-Espresso Americano: a coffee shop chain that sells the best frappaccino for a about $1.25.
-La comida tipica: tacos, enchiladas, baleadas, flautas for very reasonable prices.
-Friendships made here
-the opportunity to learn Spanish
-Learning healthcare in another culture, and seeing how that works.
-The opportunity to travel a bit, also meeting other foreigners.
-Many others.
Anyways. I do hope you are doing well. You know what's hard? Investing in your current community, but also really wondering what is going on in the lives of your dear friends at home. It's hard for me. Facebook helps a little with that. But nothing, nothing nothing beats a good chat over coffee, a warm handshake a church, a hug at a family get-together. Maybe when I get back we'll have a chance to do that.
Anyways, thank you so much for reading this SUPER long blog update, and reading my musings, even if a bit jumbled. May the holidays be a special time, as you count your blessings, and enjoy where you are at.
Love, Malerie
Today is the 18th of December 2010. Just a week from Christmas day. Having spent most of the last year here in Honduras, I am pondering how my view of Christmas might look slightly different here. I will be away from my family, and my normal traditions. Certainly no snow. Actually, I’m still not sure exactly how I will be spending the holiday. I will be spending it probably with the Martinez’, who have been my “host family” even though I do not live with them.
It’s strange. I see Christmas decorations, Christmas lights, wreaths, and even some Santa Clauses hanging around, but somehow I find it hard to find “the Christmas Spirit” this year. Or maybe every year one just has to choose to grab the warm fuzzies because circumstances cannot always yield them.
A friend from the church I attend has asked me to help with the Christmas Eve service, so I will be helping and re-oiling my rusty fingers to help play some Christmas hymns. It has been good for me. Sometimes I actually forget that I took 10 years of piano lessons, and that I know how to play music. (Thanks mom for financing that skill in me. I may have taken it for granted, but I am truly thankful for it, even now when I rarely get to use it.) Anyways, so I have been looking at the words of the hymns and trying to see what they might mean to Hondurans and also to myself, living in a different culture, with different rules to life. Here are some thoughts on them.
Away in a manger no crib for his bed. The little Lord Jesus laid down his sweet head. The stars in the sky looked down where he lay. The little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay.
-Could it be that Jesus understands what it means to live in dirty, contaminated, unsanitary conditions? Where there is no clean water, and people sleep in dirt? Could it be that Jesus understands the little children who walk the streets, meanwhile the dirty corrupt politicians ride in their caravan of security guards, inside the security of their fancy car cages? Could it be that Jesus can resonate with the children in the villages who will never have the opportunity of education, and ability to improve their quality of life?
Hark! The herald angels sing, “Glory to the newborn King! Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!” Joyful all ye nations rise, Join the triumph of the skies, with angelic hosts proclaim, “Christ is born in Bethlehem!”
-Does the Christ child know what it is to not feel safe leaving your house after dark for fear of the danger and violence? And what is mercy mild? God and sinners reconciled. Not sure what that means either.
A new Christmas song was introduced to me, really beautiful medley that goes together with “Silent Night.” It’s words are pretty typical Christmassy style, but anyways, here they are:
Peace, Peace, Peace on earth and good will to all, This is a time for joy, this is a time for love, Now let us all sing together of peace, peace, peace on earth.
Man, where did these Christmas composers get the idea that because ions of years ago because a little baby was born that a certain time of year we would have peace on earth. That people might suddenly love each other, and stop needless violence. Maybe Christmas is a time where we just express our prayers for these sorts of yearnings. I have become recently very aware of the pointless violence that is raging here in Honduras. Less so here in Siguatepeque than in the big cities, but that does not mean that it isn’t still a problem in Siguat.
Last week I was able to make a trip to visit my friends Adam and Marisa Clymer Shank from my small group at my church “The Table” in Harrisonburg, Virginia, who are now on their own 3 year terms with MCC in Nicaragua. It was a great time to spend some meaningful chats and spending quality time together, also exploring the touristic sights around Managua. Ken and Sue Horst, my VMM tranSend director came down to evaluate my location, give some support, and then accompany me to Managua.
It was a good time of reflection and encouragement.
However, the trip also raised my awareness of the rise in corruption and gang violence. In talking with a “brother” from the church in Tegucigalpa (still in Honduras, on the way down) who drives taxi for a living, I was made aware of the reality. He told us the story of recently getting ‘attacked, or ambushed” by some gang members who took his money, and also demanded 20,000 more Lempiras (about $1,000, a whole lot to demand of any middle to lower class Honduran family) or his family would be the ones to “pay” for it. Of course, this all happened not without physical injury of breaking his clavicle. He had the sling to prove it. (Don’t ask me how safe it was for a broken-clavicle man to be driving, but we’ll disregard that fact.) The taxi driver cried a little bit that morning just in giving us a ride from the guest house to the bus station. I don’t know. It’s just hard to completely identify with that sort of circumstance. I have to deal with the violence by working around it. But for this man it is either work and take the risk of being robbed again, or stop working. Just circumstances I will never have to deal with. If I show up missing, the U.S. embassy will look for me. If I get robbed of all my money, I have a family and a support system that can pull me out. Blessings I have that people here just don’t. This world is so unfair. Why does my friend work from 7 am-7pm and make peanuts for wages, has to support his fatherless family, and have to share a room with his sister. Why did he lose his opportunity for education? Why do some kids get to go to bilingual schools and have the advantage of 2 languages, when the others get less than adequate education, of course only till 6th grade? This life is not fair.
I don’t tell this story to make my mother afraid for my safety. Don’t worry mom, I still live within the gates of the hospital bubble, and live a pretty sheltered life here. But I do reflect on this story, because it can be a pretty desperate situation! When you can’t get any taxi drivers to pick you up at 7 pm because the stop driving beforehand due to the danger of driving at that hour, you kind of get the picture a bit better. This guy said that if it happens to him again, they will have to take his life because he already loaned out all the money he could find to pay the last attack.
So back to my prior statement. “Peace on Earth,” perhaps is the prayer, the cry of the human heart, especially for those who live in a system where the mayors and leaders of the country walk hand in hand with the gang members, the drug cartels and police. It’s pretty hard to see that as anywhere near a possibility when people get guns pointed in their chest to take from them a $15 cellphone, or $10 in cash.
I think the hymn “O Come, O Come Emmanuel has a different meaning to me now that I am no longer in my comfort zone of Wellman, Iowa, or Harrisonburg, VA.
“O come o come Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel, that mourns in lonely exile here. Until the Son of God appear. O Come thou dayspring, come and cheer, our spirits by thine advent here. Disperse the gloomy clouds of night, and death’s dark shadow put to flight. O Come, desire of nations, bind all people in one heart and mind. Bid envy, strife, and quarrels cease; Fill the whole world with heaven’s peace.”
Ah yes, Heaven’s peace would be nice. Even in my own soul, this hospital, Siguat, Honduras, Central America. The world.
As for a personal update, I again, have let my blogging get quite behind. As I mentioned, I got to take the trip to Nicaragua. I have been putting a fair amount of time into teaching and preparing. Teaching in Spanish is by far one of the most challenging, frustrating things I’ve ever done. However, it’s been a good review of my own nursing knowledge, and a good learning experience, and also special to be able to interact with the girls in this way. These girls are also my co-workers, so it’s kind of a strange experience sometimes, but I’ll take it.
About a week ago we had a Friday night party where the nursing students and the graduated nurses who all live on campus all joined up at the doctor’s house where I live to decorate the Christmas tree, eat pizza, watch a movie, play games, and just enjoy a fun evening. It was a fun event to be a part of. I will say though, the cookies were a disaster. But it was fun anyways.
So it looks like I will be moving to my own apartment here pretty soon. I will still be on campus, but moving into my own little area. If only there was a Goodwill here!!! Apartments here do not come with refrigerators, counters, ovens, or anything. Pretty much a bare shell. So that’s a new challenge trying to find the best deals for these appliances. It’s an investment I wasn’t expecting for sure. I am hoping it will be a positive step for me here.
Hey, did you know it has now been almost been 10 months that I have been here? Thanks to you, my friend. For your prayers, thoughts, emails, and financial support. I am grateful for it. I may fail to keep everyone updated (obviously) but it’s just because I am trying to keep myself involved here, and I forget that maybe some of this stuff might be of interest to my loved ones at home. To be completely honest, having internet has very much kept me in touch with home, and sometimes has me missing the delights of home. But as a dear cousin states, “When in the U.S. we enjoy things that are of the U.S. When we are in Honduras, we enjoy the things of Honduras.” So I am blessed. My mom reminded me of how cool it is that I get to experience Christmas in a different country. How many get to do that? Best to take advantage of it, and enjoy it.
So what are the things of Honduras that I enjoy?
-Espresso Americano: a coffee shop chain that sells the best frappaccino for a about $1.25.
-La comida tipica: tacos, enchiladas, baleadas, flautas for very reasonable prices.
-Friendships made here
-the opportunity to learn Spanish
-Learning healthcare in another culture, and seeing how that works.
-The opportunity to travel a bit, also meeting other foreigners.
-Many others.
Anyways. I do hope you are doing well. You know what's hard? Investing in your current community, but also really wondering what is going on in the lives of your dear friends at home. It's hard for me. Facebook helps a little with that. But nothing, nothing nothing beats a good chat over coffee, a warm handshake a church, a hug at a family get-together. Maybe when I get back we'll have a chance to do that.
Anyways, thank you so much for reading this SUPER long blog update, and reading my musings, even if a bit jumbled. May the holidays be a special time, as you count your blessings, and enjoy where you are at.
Love, Malerie
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Through the good and the bad....
Heidy Ho, hola hola hola. I find myself back again after a time of being extinct. Thanks for bearing with me. Man, time passes fast.
I'm going to summarize this updates in points:
1) Trip to Belize to renew passport visa
2) Learning to become the charge nurse on the floor
3) New baby in the Plank family: aka. I'm an aunt!
4) Haven't started teaching yet, also haven't started planning, which I'm embarrassed about. Working full time is hard to have the energy left to use your free time to plan, but I really truly am stoked about it!
So, in general, pretty good spirits. It has been really hard for me to not be present in Iowa with Allyce, my sister, while she went through labor, delivery, and the adjustment of moving home with the new little baby (Eva Maria, 7 lbs 3 oz). I didn't know Allyce was pregnant when I left for Honduras. So, it was definitely an unanticipated sacrifice. It's strange, because when other babies have been born, I've always kind of been like "big deal." But this baby is different. It's really surreal to see this beautiful little girl in pictures and understand that this little human being is of my blood, and of my sister. I guess I just feel like I'm missing out, and that I would like to be there to help Allyce. It also kind of set in as to how much more time I will be here.
Don't get me wrong. I really do like Honduras in general. I do not regret committing 2 years here. But some difficult and frustrating experiences have presented here. Frustration with the culture, frustration with my work facility, with the community in which I live, frustration with the everyday happenings of violence, robberies, assaults, and fights, frustration with communication, frustration with being so separated from my friends and family at home. Experienced expats can laugh at me, but I think I have a right to think these things. I'm pretty new at this living in another country thing, even if it has been 8 months. I'm just not really sure how to deal with this stuff. Do I accept the frustration? When is it worth it, or even acceptable to try to change the source of frustration? How much can one really add to an established facility as a newbie? Just really difficult questions. Sometimes i'm embarrassed to state my thoughts b/c they may just seem kind of ignorant and stupid. I mean, what were you expecting, Malerie? You went to a third world country, were you hoping for cheese and wine?
I took an obligatory week trip to Belize, which was pretty great. Would have liked to travel with a good friend, but it turned out fine, apart from the fact that I lost my camera on the way back. I tell you, I have the worst luck with cameras, EVER! I took a ferry across the gulf of Mexico and landed in Dangriga, Belize. By far the WORST boat ride ever. Just really really rough. But on this trip I was introduced to the world of international travelers: European, Brits, Australians, Belizeans. Very cool. It's quite impressive how many languages these people can speak! I'm not sure that I am cut out for long term (talking 3-4 months of free international travel). I like to travel, but I also like to be at home with internet and phone access, not living out of a backpack.
The last month or two I got trained to manage the floor during the shift and be charge nurse. My Spanish is improving, but still proves to be a pretty big challenge sometimes, but thank God, the girls are learning the way they need to speak to me so that I can understand what they are telling me. It was a good challenge, and made me appreciate the chillness of the other shifts when I'm not charge nurse. But it was just nice to be challenged again, and help me utilize my critical thinking skills. i find myself enjoying Intensive Care as well, which really doesn't end up being too high acuity, but usually a busy shift, which I like. I think little by little respect is won between individuals, which always feels great when you feel like one more coworker was won over to having report and trust. Of course with that, always comes the threat of breaking that trust, which is kind of scary too.
The doctor I am living with came back from his 5 month trip to the U.S. to visit his sons and family. So it's nice to not be living in this big house alone, but of course will be an adjustment after living alone for a while.
Well, I think that is about the end of this post. Hope you are all well. I haven't forgotten you. As always, thank you for your letters, thoughts, prayers. This month I received a care package and a snail mail letter from some friends, and I about died from glee. :)
Take care!
I'm going to summarize this updates in points:
1) Trip to Belize to renew passport visa
2) Learning to become the charge nurse on the floor
3) New baby in the Plank family: aka. I'm an aunt!
4) Haven't started teaching yet, also haven't started planning, which I'm embarrassed about. Working full time is hard to have the energy left to use your free time to plan, but I really truly am stoked about it!
So, in general, pretty good spirits. It has been really hard for me to not be present in Iowa with Allyce, my sister, while she went through labor, delivery, and the adjustment of moving home with the new little baby (Eva Maria, 7 lbs 3 oz). I didn't know Allyce was pregnant when I left for Honduras. So, it was definitely an unanticipated sacrifice. It's strange, because when other babies have been born, I've always kind of been like "big deal." But this baby is different. It's really surreal to see this beautiful little girl in pictures and understand that this little human being is of my blood, and of my sister. I guess I just feel like I'm missing out, and that I would like to be there to help Allyce. It also kind of set in as to how much more time I will be here.
Don't get me wrong. I really do like Honduras in general. I do not regret committing 2 years here. But some difficult and frustrating experiences have presented here. Frustration with the culture, frustration with my work facility, with the community in which I live, frustration with the everyday happenings of violence, robberies, assaults, and fights, frustration with communication, frustration with being so separated from my friends and family at home. Experienced expats can laugh at me, but I think I have a right to think these things. I'm pretty new at this living in another country thing, even if it has been 8 months. I'm just not really sure how to deal with this stuff. Do I accept the frustration? When is it worth it, or even acceptable to try to change the source of frustration? How much can one really add to an established facility as a newbie? Just really difficult questions. Sometimes i'm embarrassed to state my thoughts b/c they may just seem kind of ignorant and stupid. I mean, what were you expecting, Malerie? You went to a third world country, were you hoping for cheese and wine?
I took an obligatory week trip to Belize, which was pretty great. Would have liked to travel with a good friend, but it turned out fine, apart from the fact that I lost my camera on the way back. I tell you, I have the worst luck with cameras, EVER! I took a ferry across the gulf of Mexico and landed in Dangriga, Belize. By far the WORST boat ride ever. Just really really rough. But on this trip I was introduced to the world of international travelers: European, Brits, Australians, Belizeans. Very cool. It's quite impressive how many languages these people can speak! I'm not sure that I am cut out for long term (talking 3-4 months of free international travel). I like to travel, but I also like to be at home with internet and phone access, not living out of a backpack.
The last month or two I got trained to manage the floor during the shift and be charge nurse. My Spanish is improving, but still proves to be a pretty big challenge sometimes, but thank God, the girls are learning the way they need to speak to me so that I can understand what they are telling me. It was a good challenge, and made me appreciate the chillness of the other shifts when I'm not charge nurse. But it was just nice to be challenged again, and help me utilize my critical thinking skills. i find myself enjoying Intensive Care as well, which really doesn't end up being too high acuity, but usually a busy shift, which I like. I think little by little respect is won between individuals, which always feels great when you feel like one more coworker was won over to having report and trust. Of course with that, always comes the threat of breaking that trust, which is kind of scary too.
The doctor I am living with came back from his 5 month trip to the U.S. to visit his sons and family. So it's nice to not be living in this big house alone, but of course will be an adjustment after living alone for a while.
Well, I think that is about the end of this post. Hope you are all well. I haven't forgotten you. As always, thank you for your letters, thoughts, prayers. This month I received a care package and a snail mail letter from some friends, and I about died from glee. :)
Take care!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Happy Independence Day, Honduras!
I found myself downtown today, watching the "desfile", or the parade, because henceforth, even though all of September here is pretty much a celebration with morning songs from downtown rising up to my house (an elevated one) with drums and rhythms, and yeah, I still don't really get where it comes from, and why i hear it as if it were outside of my window, though it's a good half hour walk from here. Anyways, I find myself in good spirits today.
The parade lasts a good long while with mostly highschool and middle school kids representing their schools, or a cause such as "caring for the environment" or "preventing Dengue" or carrying flags of the 5 Central American states as, if I am not mistaken, all have their independence days in September, maybe even on the 15th. These included countries are: Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Costa Rica. Not exactly sure why Belize and Panama are not included. Some history there that I obviously have not done my homework on. Also, I was informed today by an expatriot from Spain that North Americans don't know anything about culture. All in light jest, but still. As I always say, behind every joke is a half-truth, and no doubt about it, most Europeans really pride themselves in knowing that being their countries are so close, they are full of culture, and us rich Americans truly just don't know the slightest thing about culture. I don't know. compared to them, probably it's true. I was raised in a place that didn't value other languages, or at least didn't promote the importance of learning other languages. But whatevs. I'm here now, struggling with learning another language at the age of 24 aren't I? Too bad I wasn't raised in bi and trilingual schools like they were. :)
Also,today I was presented with a plan for me to hopefully start helping teach and give nursing courses in the nursing school on campus, which although will be a true challenge, I'm stoked to find something to throw my efforts into. I think inevitably, it will have to help my Spanish too. So, with some review, studying, and enough effort put into my power points, and lots of prayer for guidance, I think I'll be okay.
Sometimes I really wonder what the world I'm accomplishing in being here. Is it just self-improvement? Am I adding anything to this hospital and community? Would I have been better off studying more in the U.S.? Sometimes these feelings really can get me down. Also feeling like I don't understand this culture, and never will. Sometimes I feel like I am not respected here for being a gringa, for my language struggles. Sometimes I get hermity and stay in my house more than I should. But you know, there are days like today where I feel hopefully and even content with my confusion. Ever so slowly I'm building a group of friends, a church family, and it keeps me happy through the struggles. I'm finding that when you reach out and make yourself available, people receive you when you find the right folks. :)
Want to know a struggle that really ticks me off. I'm not sure if I will ever get used to the comments the girls make about weight here. I have now been told twice, straight to my face, that I look like I'm gaining weight. Straight up, without shame, without any thought that this could be offensive. The first time I was so shocked and offended I didn't know what to do. The second time I mentioned that in my culture this is offensive to a woman. (especially if its true.) and also, they are not my friends. Who do they think they are telling me this without any respect to our coworker relationship?!?! Cross cultural differences? Yes, I think so. I think the next time I'm going to tell them that they look awfully fat in their scrubs, maybe they should consider eating less tortillas. Kidding, I would never do that, just giving an example of things that happen when living abroad that are hard to swallow. I will probably never really shrug off those things. Sorry, I lived 24 years in a country where getting fat is not really funny or fun, and saying it out loud will never be acceptable. It's hard to change that mentality, and I don't feel I need to. well, I suppose changing that mentality would sure make it easier to shrug off those comments.
Also, did you know that if you whip instant coffee with a little water and sugar till it's foamy and then add hot water and milk you have one delicious cup of joe?
Well, I will leave you with that. Keep on loving each other, and showing love to the world. Everyone needs it. Blessings!
The parade lasts a good long while with mostly highschool and middle school kids representing their schools, or a cause such as "caring for the environment" or "preventing Dengue" or carrying flags of the 5 Central American states as, if I am not mistaken, all have their independence days in September, maybe even on the 15th. These included countries are: Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Costa Rica. Not exactly sure why Belize and Panama are not included. Some history there that I obviously have not done my homework on. Also, I was informed today by an expatriot from Spain that North Americans don't know anything about culture. All in light jest, but still. As I always say, behind every joke is a half-truth, and no doubt about it, most Europeans really pride themselves in knowing that being their countries are so close, they are full of culture, and us rich Americans truly just don't know the slightest thing about culture. I don't know. compared to them, probably it's true. I was raised in a place that didn't value other languages, or at least didn't promote the importance of learning other languages. But whatevs. I'm here now, struggling with learning another language at the age of 24 aren't I? Too bad I wasn't raised in bi and trilingual schools like they were. :)
Also,today I was presented with a plan for me to hopefully start helping teach and give nursing courses in the nursing school on campus, which although will be a true challenge, I'm stoked to find something to throw my efforts into. I think inevitably, it will have to help my Spanish too. So, with some review, studying, and enough effort put into my power points, and lots of prayer for guidance, I think I'll be okay.
Sometimes I really wonder what the world I'm accomplishing in being here. Is it just self-improvement? Am I adding anything to this hospital and community? Would I have been better off studying more in the U.S.? Sometimes these feelings really can get me down. Also feeling like I don't understand this culture, and never will. Sometimes I feel like I am not respected here for being a gringa, for my language struggles. Sometimes I get hermity and stay in my house more than I should. But you know, there are days like today where I feel hopefully and even content with my confusion. Ever so slowly I'm building a group of friends, a church family, and it keeps me happy through the struggles. I'm finding that when you reach out and make yourself available, people receive you when you find the right folks. :)
Want to know a struggle that really ticks me off. I'm not sure if I will ever get used to the comments the girls make about weight here. I have now been told twice, straight to my face, that I look like I'm gaining weight. Straight up, without shame, without any thought that this could be offensive. The first time I was so shocked and offended I didn't know what to do. The second time I mentioned that in my culture this is offensive to a woman. (especially if its true.) and also, they are not my friends. Who do they think they are telling me this without any respect to our coworker relationship?!?! Cross cultural differences? Yes, I think so. I think the next time I'm going to tell them that they look awfully fat in their scrubs, maybe they should consider eating less tortillas. Kidding, I would never do that, just giving an example of things that happen when living abroad that are hard to swallow. I will probably never really shrug off those things. Sorry, I lived 24 years in a country where getting fat is not really funny or fun, and saying it out loud will never be acceptable. It's hard to change that mentality, and I don't feel I need to. well, I suppose changing that mentality would sure make it easier to shrug off those comments.
Also, did you know that if you whip instant coffee with a little water and sugar till it's foamy and then add hot water and milk you have one delicious cup of joe?
Well, I will leave you with that. Keep on loving each other, and showing love to the world. Everyone needs it. Blessings!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
to be noted...no pics=boring
I apologize for the boring visual of this blog. stupidly, somewhere on the way to the U.S. in June, I lost a baggie I had of my camera charger, my Ipod cord, and along with that, my camera cord to download pics. Blug. I was actually going to do that tonight too. Lame. Maybe I'll have to see if I can order another online and send it down with one of you when you come to visit. ;)
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