Merry Christmas, and happy holidays! Wishes for a profitable and fulfilled upcoming year. I hope you achieve all you want, or at least that you enjoy the next 365 days of the New Year 2011. May you make the most of it. May you make your own reality, and find the peace that comes from following your heart, and where Christ may lead you. That is my Christmas card greeting. I’m sorry, I am just simply not one of those missionaries who’s “on the ball” with e-greetings, etc. I guess I didn’t even think about doing that until now. I think you’ll understand, and bless you for doing that!
Today is the 18th of December 2010. Just a week from Christmas day. Having spent most of the last year here in Honduras, I am pondering how my view of Christmas might look slightly different here. I will be away from my family, and my normal traditions. Certainly no snow. Actually, I’m still not sure exactly how I will be spending the holiday. I will be spending it probably with the Martinez’, who have been my “host family” even though I do not live with them.
It’s strange. I see Christmas decorations, Christmas lights, wreaths, and even some Santa Clauses hanging around, but somehow I find it hard to find “the Christmas Spirit” this year. Or maybe every year one just has to choose to grab the warm fuzzies because circumstances cannot always yield them.
A friend from the church I attend has asked me to help with the Christmas Eve service, so I will be helping and re-oiling my rusty fingers to help play some Christmas hymns. It has been good for me. Sometimes I actually forget that I took 10 years of piano lessons, and that I know how to play music. (Thanks mom for financing that skill in me. I may have taken it for granted, but I am truly thankful for it, even now when I rarely get to use it.) Anyways, so I have been looking at the words of the hymns and trying to see what they might mean to Hondurans and also to myself, living in a different culture, with different rules to life. Here are some thoughts on them.
Away in a manger no crib for his bed. The little Lord Jesus laid down his sweet head. The stars in the sky looked down where he lay. The little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay.
-Could it be that Jesus understands what it means to live in dirty, contaminated, unsanitary conditions? Where there is no clean water, and people sleep in dirt? Could it be that Jesus understands the little children who walk the streets, meanwhile the dirty corrupt politicians ride in their caravan of security guards, inside the security of their fancy car cages? Could it be that Jesus can resonate with the children in the villages who will never have the opportunity of education, and ability to improve their quality of life?
Hark! The herald angels sing, “Glory to the newborn King! Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!” Joyful all ye nations rise, Join the triumph of the skies, with angelic hosts proclaim, “Christ is born in Bethlehem!”
-Does the Christ child know what it is to not feel safe leaving your house after dark for fear of the danger and violence? And what is mercy mild? God and sinners reconciled. Not sure what that means either.
A new Christmas song was introduced to me, really beautiful medley that goes together with “Silent Night.” It’s words are pretty typical Christmassy style, but anyways, here they are:
Peace, Peace, Peace on earth and good will to all, This is a time for joy, this is a time for love, Now let us all sing together of peace, peace, peace on earth.
Man, where did these Christmas composers get the idea that because ions of years ago because a little baby was born that a certain time of year we would have peace on earth. That people might suddenly love each other, and stop needless violence. Maybe Christmas is a time where we just express our prayers for these sorts of yearnings. I have become recently very aware of the pointless violence that is raging here in Honduras. Less so here in Siguatepeque than in the big cities, but that does not mean that it isn’t still a problem in Siguat.
Last week I was able to make a trip to visit my friends Adam and Marisa Clymer Shank from my small group at my church “The Table” in Harrisonburg, Virginia, who are now on their own 3 year terms with MCC in Nicaragua. It was a great time to spend some meaningful chats and spending quality time together, also exploring the touristic sights around Managua. Ken and Sue Horst, my VMM tranSend director came down to evaluate my location, give some support, and then accompany me to Managua.
It was a good time of reflection and encouragement.
However, the trip also raised my awareness of the rise in corruption and gang violence. In talking with a “brother” from the church in Tegucigalpa (still in Honduras, on the way down) who drives taxi for a living, I was made aware of the reality. He told us the story of recently getting ‘attacked, or ambushed” by some gang members who took his money, and also demanded 20,000 more Lempiras (about $1,000, a whole lot to demand of any middle to lower class Honduran family) or his family would be the ones to “pay” for it. Of course, this all happened not without physical injury of breaking his clavicle. He had the sling to prove it. (Don’t ask me how safe it was for a broken-clavicle man to be driving, but we’ll disregard that fact.) The taxi driver cried a little bit that morning just in giving us a ride from the guest house to the bus station. I don’t know. It’s just hard to completely identify with that sort of circumstance. I have to deal with the violence by working around it. But for this man it is either work and take the risk of being robbed again, or stop working. Just circumstances I will never have to deal with. If I show up missing, the U.S. embassy will look for me. If I get robbed of all my money, I have a family and a support system that can pull me out. Blessings I have that people here just don’t. This world is so unfair. Why does my friend work from 7 am-7pm and make peanuts for wages, has to support his fatherless family, and have to share a room with his sister. Why did he lose his opportunity for education? Why do some kids get to go to bilingual schools and have the advantage of 2 languages, when the others get less than adequate education, of course only till 6th grade? This life is not fair.
I don’t tell this story to make my mother afraid for my safety. Don’t worry mom, I still live within the gates of the hospital bubble, and live a pretty sheltered life here. But I do reflect on this story, because it can be a pretty desperate situation! When you can’t get any taxi drivers to pick you up at 7 pm because the stop driving beforehand due to the danger of driving at that hour, you kind of get the picture a bit better. This guy said that if it happens to him again, they will have to take his life because he already loaned out all the money he could find to pay the last attack.
So back to my prior statement. “Peace on Earth,” perhaps is the prayer, the cry of the human heart, especially for those who live in a system where the mayors and leaders of the country walk hand in hand with the gang members, the drug cartels and police. It’s pretty hard to see that as anywhere near a possibility when people get guns pointed in their chest to take from them a $15 cellphone, or $10 in cash.
I think the hymn “O Come, O Come Emmanuel has a different meaning to me now that I am no longer in my comfort zone of Wellman, Iowa, or Harrisonburg, VA.
“O come o come Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel, that mourns in lonely exile here. Until the Son of God appear. O Come thou dayspring, come and cheer, our spirits by thine advent here. Disperse the gloomy clouds of night, and death’s dark shadow put to flight. O Come, desire of nations, bind all people in one heart and mind. Bid envy, strife, and quarrels cease; Fill the whole world with heaven’s peace.”
Ah yes, Heaven’s peace would be nice. Even in my own soul, this hospital, Siguat, Honduras, Central America. The world.
As for a personal update, I again, have let my blogging get quite behind. As I mentioned, I got to take the trip to Nicaragua. I have been putting a fair amount of time into teaching and preparing. Teaching in Spanish is by far one of the most challenging, frustrating things I’ve ever done. However, it’s been a good review of my own nursing knowledge, and a good learning experience, and also special to be able to interact with the girls in this way. These girls are also my co-workers, so it’s kind of a strange experience sometimes, but I’ll take it.
About a week ago we had a Friday night party where the nursing students and the graduated nurses who all live on campus all joined up at the doctor’s house where I live to decorate the Christmas tree, eat pizza, watch a movie, play games, and just enjoy a fun evening. It was a fun event to be a part of. I will say though, the cookies were a disaster. But it was fun anyways.
So it looks like I will be moving to my own apartment here pretty soon. I will still be on campus, but moving into my own little area. If only there was a Goodwill here!!! Apartments here do not come with refrigerators, counters, ovens, or anything. Pretty much a bare shell. So that’s a new challenge trying to find the best deals for these appliances. It’s an investment I wasn’t expecting for sure. I am hoping it will be a positive step for me here.
Hey, did you know it has now been almost been 10 months that I have been here? Thanks to you, my friend. For your prayers, thoughts, emails, and financial support. I am grateful for it. I may fail to keep everyone updated (obviously) but it’s just because I am trying to keep myself involved here, and I forget that maybe some of this stuff might be of interest to my loved ones at home. To be completely honest, having internet has very much kept me in touch with home, and sometimes has me missing the delights of home. But as a dear cousin states, “When in the U.S. we enjoy things that are of the U.S. When we are in Honduras, we enjoy the things of Honduras.” So I am blessed. My mom reminded me of how cool it is that I get to experience Christmas in a different country. How many get to do that? Best to take advantage of it, and enjoy it.
So what are the things of Honduras that I enjoy?
-Espresso Americano: a coffee shop chain that sells the best frappaccino for a about $1.25.
-La comida tipica: tacos, enchiladas, baleadas, flautas for very reasonable prices.
-Friendships made here
-the opportunity to learn Spanish
-Learning healthcare in another culture, and seeing how that works.
-The opportunity to travel a bit, also meeting other foreigners.
-Many others.
Anyways. I do hope you are doing well. You know what's hard? Investing in your current community, but also really wondering what is going on in the lives of your dear friends at home. It's hard for me. Facebook helps a little with that. But nothing, nothing nothing beats a good chat over coffee, a warm handshake a church, a hug at a family get-together. Maybe when I get back we'll have a chance to do that.
Anyways, thank you so much for reading this SUPER long blog update, and reading my musings, even if a bit jumbled. May the holidays be a special time, as you count your blessings, and enjoy where you are at.
Love, Malerie
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Through the good and the bad....
Heidy Ho, hola hola hola. I find myself back again after a time of being extinct. Thanks for bearing with me. Man, time passes fast.
I'm going to summarize this updates in points:
1) Trip to Belize to renew passport visa
2) Learning to become the charge nurse on the floor
3) New baby in the Plank family: aka. I'm an aunt!
4) Haven't started teaching yet, also haven't started planning, which I'm embarrassed about. Working full time is hard to have the energy left to use your free time to plan, but I really truly am stoked about it!
So, in general, pretty good spirits. It has been really hard for me to not be present in Iowa with Allyce, my sister, while she went through labor, delivery, and the adjustment of moving home with the new little baby (Eva Maria, 7 lbs 3 oz). I didn't know Allyce was pregnant when I left for Honduras. So, it was definitely an unanticipated sacrifice. It's strange, because when other babies have been born, I've always kind of been like "big deal." But this baby is different. It's really surreal to see this beautiful little girl in pictures and understand that this little human being is of my blood, and of my sister. I guess I just feel like I'm missing out, and that I would like to be there to help Allyce. It also kind of set in as to how much more time I will be here.
Don't get me wrong. I really do like Honduras in general. I do not regret committing 2 years here. But some difficult and frustrating experiences have presented here. Frustration with the culture, frustration with my work facility, with the community in which I live, frustration with the everyday happenings of violence, robberies, assaults, and fights, frustration with communication, frustration with being so separated from my friends and family at home. Experienced expats can laugh at me, but I think I have a right to think these things. I'm pretty new at this living in another country thing, even if it has been 8 months. I'm just not really sure how to deal with this stuff. Do I accept the frustration? When is it worth it, or even acceptable to try to change the source of frustration? How much can one really add to an established facility as a newbie? Just really difficult questions. Sometimes i'm embarrassed to state my thoughts b/c they may just seem kind of ignorant and stupid. I mean, what were you expecting, Malerie? You went to a third world country, were you hoping for cheese and wine?
I took an obligatory week trip to Belize, which was pretty great. Would have liked to travel with a good friend, but it turned out fine, apart from the fact that I lost my camera on the way back. I tell you, I have the worst luck with cameras, EVER! I took a ferry across the gulf of Mexico and landed in Dangriga, Belize. By far the WORST boat ride ever. Just really really rough. But on this trip I was introduced to the world of international travelers: European, Brits, Australians, Belizeans. Very cool. It's quite impressive how many languages these people can speak! I'm not sure that I am cut out for long term (talking 3-4 months of free international travel). I like to travel, but I also like to be at home with internet and phone access, not living out of a backpack.
The last month or two I got trained to manage the floor during the shift and be charge nurse. My Spanish is improving, but still proves to be a pretty big challenge sometimes, but thank God, the girls are learning the way they need to speak to me so that I can understand what they are telling me. It was a good challenge, and made me appreciate the chillness of the other shifts when I'm not charge nurse. But it was just nice to be challenged again, and help me utilize my critical thinking skills. i find myself enjoying Intensive Care as well, which really doesn't end up being too high acuity, but usually a busy shift, which I like. I think little by little respect is won between individuals, which always feels great when you feel like one more coworker was won over to having report and trust. Of course with that, always comes the threat of breaking that trust, which is kind of scary too.
The doctor I am living with came back from his 5 month trip to the U.S. to visit his sons and family. So it's nice to not be living in this big house alone, but of course will be an adjustment after living alone for a while.
Well, I think that is about the end of this post. Hope you are all well. I haven't forgotten you. As always, thank you for your letters, thoughts, prayers. This month I received a care package and a snail mail letter from some friends, and I about died from glee. :)
Take care!
I'm going to summarize this updates in points:
1) Trip to Belize to renew passport visa
2) Learning to become the charge nurse on the floor
3) New baby in the Plank family: aka. I'm an aunt!
4) Haven't started teaching yet, also haven't started planning, which I'm embarrassed about. Working full time is hard to have the energy left to use your free time to plan, but I really truly am stoked about it!
So, in general, pretty good spirits. It has been really hard for me to not be present in Iowa with Allyce, my sister, while she went through labor, delivery, and the adjustment of moving home with the new little baby (Eva Maria, 7 lbs 3 oz). I didn't know Allyce was pregnant when I left for Honduras. So, it was definitely an unanticipated sacrifice. It's strange, because when other babies have been born, I've always kind of been like "big deal." But this baby is different. It's really surreal to see this beautiful little girl in pictures and understand that this little human being is of my blood, and of my sister. I guess I just feel like I'm missing out, and that I would like to be there to help Allyce. It also kind of set in as to how much more time I will be here.
Don't get me wrong. I really do like Honduras in general. I do not regret committing 2 years here. But some difficult and frustrating experiences have presented here. Frustration with the culture, frustration with my work facility, with the community in which I live, frustration with the everyday happenings of violence, robberies, assaults, and fights, frustration with communication, frustration with being so separated from my friends and family at home. Experienced expats can laugh at me, but I think I have a right to think these things. I'm pretty new at this living in another country thing, even if it has been 8 months. I'm just not really sure how to deal with this stuff. Do I accept the frustration? When is it worth it, or even acceptable to try to change the source of frustration? How much can one really add to an established facility as a newbie? Just really difficult questions. Sometimes i'm embarrassed to state my thoughts b/c they may just seem kind of ignorant and stupid. I mean, what were you expecting, Malerie? You went to a third world country, were you hoping for cheese and wine?
I took an obligatory week trip to Belize, which was pretty great. Would have liked to travel with a good friend, but it turned out fine, apart from the fact that I lost my camera on the way back. I tell you, I have the worst luck with cameras, EVER! I took a ferry across the gulf of Mexico and landed in Dangriga, Belize. By far the WORST boat ride ever. Just really really rough. But on this trip I was introduced to the world of international travelers: European, Brits, Australians, Belizeans. Very cool. It's quite impressive how many languages these people can speak! I'm not sure that I am cut out for long term (talking 3-4 months of free international travel). I like to travel, but I also like to be at home with internet and phone access, not living out of a backpack.
The last month or two I got trained to manage the floor during the shift and be charge nurse. My Spanish is improving, but still proves to be a pretty big challenge sometimes, but thank God, the girls are learning the way they need to speak to me so that I can understand what they are telling me. It was a good challenge, and made me appreciate the chillness of the other shifts when I'm not charge nurse. But it was just nice to be challenged again, and help me utilize my critical thinking skills. i find myself enjoying Intensive Care as well, which really doesn't end up being too high acuity, but usually a busy shift, which I like. I think little by little respect is won between individuals, which always feels great when you feel like one more coworker was won over to having report and trust. Of course with that, always comes the threat of breaking that trust, which is kind of scary too.
The doctor I am living with came back from his 5 month trip to the U.S. to visit his sons and family. So it's nice to not be living in this big house alone, but of course will be an adjustment after living alone for a while.
Well, I think that is about the end of this post. Hope you are all well. I haven't forgotten you. As always, thank you for your letters, thoughts, prayers. This month I received a care package and a snail mail letter from some friends, and I about died from glee. :)
Take care!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Happy Independence Day, Honduras!
I found myself downtown today, watching the "desfile", or the parade, because henceforth, even though all of September here is pretty much a celebration with morning songs from downtown rising up to my house (an elevated one) with drums and rhythms, and yeah, I still don't really get where it comes from, and why i hear it as if it were outside of my window, though it's a good half hour walk from here. Anyways, I find myself in good spirits today.
The parade lasts a good long while with mostly highschool and middle school kids representing their schools, or a cause such as "caring for the environment" or "preventing Dengue" or carrying flags of the 5 Central American states as, if I am not mistaken, all have their independence days in September, maybe even on the 15th. These included countries are: Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Costa Rica. Not exactly sure why Belize and Panama are not included. Some history there that I obviously have not done my homework on. Also, I was informed today by an expatriot from Spain that North Americans don't know anything about culture. All in light jest, but still. As I always say, behind every joke is a half-truth, and no doubt about it, most Europeans really pride themselves in knowing that being their countries are so close, they are full of culture, and us rich Americans truly just don't know the slightest thing about culture. I don't know. compared to them, probably it's true. I was raised in a place that didn't value other languages, or at least didn't promote the importance of learning other languages. But whatevs. I'm here now, struggling with learning another language at the age of 24 aren't I? Too bad I wasn't raised in bi and trilingual schools like they were. :)
Also,today I was presented with a plan for me to hopefully start helping teach and give nursing courses in the nursing school on campus, which although will be a true challenge, I'm stoked to find something to throw my efforts into. I think inevitably, it will have to help my Spanish too. So, with some review, studying, and enough effort put into my power points, and lots of prayer for guidance, I think I'll be okay.
Sometimes I really wonder what the world I'm accomplishing in being here. Is it just self-improvement? Am I adding anything to this hospital and community? Would I have been better off studying more in the U.S.? Sometimes these feelings really can get me down. Also feeling like I don't understand this culture, and never will. Sometimes I feel like I am not respected here for being a gringa, for my language struggles. Sometimes I get hermity and stay in my house more than I should. But you know, there are days like today where I feel hopefully and even content with my confusion. Ever so slowly I'm building a group of friends, a church family, and it keeps me happy through the struggles. I'm finding that when you reach out and make yourself available, people receive you when you find the right folks. :)
Want to know a struggle that really ticks me off. I'm not sure if I will ever get used to the comments the girls make about weight here. I have now been told twice, straight to my face, that I look like I'm gaining weight. Straight up, without shame, without any thought that this could be offensive. The first time I was so shocked and offended I didn't know what to do. The second time I mentioned that in my culture this is offensive to a woman. (especially if its true.) and also, they are not my friends. Who do they think they are telling me this without any respect to our coworker relationship?!?! Cross cultural differences? Yes, I think so. I think the next time I'm going to tell them that they look awfully fat in their scrubs, maybe they should consider eating less tortillas. Kidding, I would never do that, just giving an example of things that happen when living abroad that are hard to swallow. I will probably never really shrug off those things. Sorry, I lived 24 years in a country where getting fat is not really funny or fun, and saying it out loud will never be acceptable. It's hard to change that mentality, and I don't feel I need to. well, I suppose changing that mentality would sure make it easier to shrug off those comments.
Also, did you know that if you whip instant coffee with a little water and sugar till it's foamy and then add hot water and milk you have one delicious cup of joe?
Well, I will leave you with that. Keep on loving each other, and showing love to the world. Everyone needs it. Blessings!
The parade lasts a good long while with mostly highschool and middle school kids representing their schools, or a cause such as "caring for the environment" or "preventing Dengue" or carrying flags of the 5 Central American states as, if I am not mistaken, all have their independence days in September, maybe even on the 15th. These included countries are: Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Costa Rica. Not exactly sure why Belize and Panama are not included. Some history there that I obviously have not done my homework on. Also, I was informed today by an expatriot from Spain that North Americans don't know anything about culture. All in light jest, but still. As I always say, behind every joke is a half-truth, and no doubt about it, most Europeans really pride themselves in knowing that being their countries are so close, they are full of culture, and us rich Americans truly just don't know the slightest thing about culture. I don't know. compared to them, probably it's true. I was raised in a place that didn't value other languages, or at least didn't promote the importance of learning other languages. But whatevs. I'm here now, struggling with learning another language at the age of 24 aren't I? Too bad I wasn't raised in bi and trilingual schools like they were. :)
Also,today I was presented with a plan for me to hopefully start helping teach and give nursing courses in the nursing school on campus, which although will be a true challenge, I'm stoked to find something to throw my efforts into. I think inevitably, it will have to help my Spanish too. So, with some review, studying, and enough effort put into my power points, and lots of prayer for guidance, I think I'll be okay.
Sometimes I really wonder what the world I'm accomplishing in being here. Is it just self-improvement? Am I adding anything to this hospital and community? Would I have been better off studying more in the U.S.? Sometimes these feelings really can get me down. Also feeling like I don't understand this culture, and never will. Sometimes I feel like I am not respected here for being a gringa, for my language struggles. Sometimes I get hermity and stay in my house more than I should. But you know, there are days like today where I feel hopefully and even content with my confusion. Ever so slowly I'm building a group of friends, a church family, and it keeps me happy through the struggles. I'm finding that when you reach out and make yourself available, people receive you when you find the right folks. :)
Want to know a struggle that really ticks me off. I'm not sure if I will ever get used to the comments the girls make about weight here. I have now been told twice, straight to my face, that I look like I'm gaining weight. Straight up, without shame, without any thought that this could be offensive. The first time I was so shocked and offended I didn't know what to do. The second time I mentioned that in my culture this is offensive to a woman. (especially if its true.) and also, they are not my friends. Who do they think they are telling me this without any respect to our coworker relationship?!?! Cross cultural differences? Yes, I think so. I think the next time I'm going to tell them that they look awfully fat in their scrubs, maybe they should consider eating less tortillas. Kidding, I would never do that, just giving an example of things that happen when living abroad that are hard to swallow. I will probably never really shrug off those things. Sorry, I lived 24 years in a country where getting fat is not really funny or fun, and saying it out loud will never be acceptable. It's hard to change that mentality, and I don't feel I need to. well, I suppose changing that mentality would sure make it easier to shrug off those comments.
Also, did you know that if you whip instant coffee with a little water and sugar till it's foamy and then add hot water and milk you have one delicious cup of joe?
Well, I will leave you with that. Keep on loving each other, and showing love to the world. Everyone needs it. Blessings!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
to be noted...no pics=boring
I apologize for the boring visual of this blog. stupidly, somewhere on the way to the U.S. in June, I lost a baggie I had of my camera charger, my Ipod cord, and along with that, my camera cord to download pics. Blug. I was actually going to do that tonight too. Lame. Maybe I'll have to see if I can order another online and send it down with one of you when you come to visit. ;)
6 months in...
So I am a half a year into this. Time is so relative so I don't really know if it's gone fast or slow. Either way, half-way is certainly 182.5 days, so whether or not it's gone slow, it doesn't matter.
My good friend Brianna visited me this past week. I had some days off, and we went to the island of Utila and enjoyed the sun and sea for a couple days, and then spent the last 7 days here in Siguatepeque. I worked mornings, and she either relaxed, did some of her own work, or she got involved in volunteering at some local organizations. I was blessed to have a friend from the states, who knows me well, to now know where I dwell, and what are some of the challenges I am facing.
Today (Sunday) I found myself at church twice, napping 2 hours in between, and surprised to have a last minute call from some friends who wanted to come over and hang out. It was a good day, even though I was sad to send Brianna off, but my friends filled that gap, and I am thankful. We ate "catrachos" with is a tostado (corn tortilla thinger) with beans, parmesan cheese, and a salsa-like mixture called Chismol. Catrachos is the slang word for a Honduran person. Spanish can be pretty fun.
I'm not going to lie. It was a tough week that just passed. Morning shift is always a struggle with some of the dynamics of staff relationships, and really just me trying to figure out what is my role at this hospital. What are their goals, what are mine? How do I be effective without stomping on feet? What are my abilities anyways? Am I capable of teaching nursing students with my level of Spanish? What does student supervision mean? If I am not capable, am I stuck washing beds and doing the work of any other Honduran nursing assistant can do? I feel like I came on this with a humble heart, but the level of nursing work I am doing has certainly taken a beating on my pride. I have had to stop and ask myself, "just what am I doing this for and for whom? Am I truly doing this for God, or did I actually come to do this for myself?"
And what does effectiveness mean? Change? Well, that's not going to happen. I know it's not my job to change the hospital, but I see that it is my position (tactfully and respectfully of course, always) to put in my opinion. After all, I am an employee, a registered nurse with my bachelor's degree. It's tough. As an outsider, where are my rights, what are my responsibilities? Yeah, not sure. Living in another culture, much less working in a completely different system is very very complex. The complexity of language, communication, culture, change, healthcare, and most of all, one's character, and how they healthily deal with all of those things. This, my friends, is the thorn in my flesh. Am I faithful enough to complete this task just exactly how Jesus Christ is calling me to? Every step? What if it means doing exactly what I am doing now? Because it might be. The change must be the way I deal with it, the way I process it, and the way I choose to exert myself in a way that is actually helpful to this. I feel like I need a master's degree or something to do this. But then again, I might be in the exact same position.
On another note, little by little, I continue to meet new folks, establish new friendships, and the loneliness of living alone diminishes some. I know that God is calling me to spend more time centering myself in quiet times with him. I'm starting to find people who I can trust in, people who care about me genuinely, and that is a wonderful thing. It makes all the difference, actually. I do find myself missing my friends and family from home, but I am slowly building a community here, which is truly rich, and really helps me to grow. It's pretty inspiring meeting people from all areas of the world, and getting their input in issues. I like to know how others really truly see North Americans, and understand the reason behind it. I like to see how they approach their social issues, healthcare, education, etc. I tell you, nothing expands your world view quite as much as meeting people from all over. I feel like if work was going smoother, this would be my dream 2 years! :) But I believe that God's plan is perfect, and staying in that will truly prove to be a very rewarding experience. Also, Spanish--still struggling, but I'm finding little by little I'm understanding larger quantities of conversations, which is obviously very encouraging.
anyways, what's new with you?
Love Malerie
My good friend Brianna visited me this past week. I had some days off, and we went to the island of Utila and enjoyed the sun and sea for a couple days, and then spent the last 7 days here in Siguatepeque. I worked mornings, and she either relaxed, did some of her own work, or she got involved in volunteering at some local organizations. I was blessed to have a friend from the states, who knows me well, to now know where I dwell, and what are some of the challenges I am facing.
Today (Sunday) I found myself at church twice, napping 2 hours in between, and surprised to have a last minute call from some friends who wanted to come over and hang out. It was a good day, even though I was sad to send Brianna off, but my friends filled that gap, and I am thankful. We ate "catrachos" with is a tostado (corn tortilla thinger) with beans, parmesan cheese, and a salsa-like mixture called Chismol. Catrachos is the slang word for a Honduran person. Spanish can be pretty fun.
I'm not going to lie. It was a tough week that just passed. Morning shift is always a struggle with some of the dynamics of staff relationships, and really just me trying to figure out what is my role at this hospital. What are their goals, what are mine? How do I be effective without stomping on feet? What are my abilities anyways? Am I capable of teaching nursing students with my level of Spanish? What does student supervision mean? If I am not capable, am I stuck washing beds and doing the work of any other Honduran nursing assistant can do? I feel like I came on this with a humble heart, but the level of nursing work I am doing has certainly taken a beating on my pride. I have had to stop and ask myself, "just what am I doing this for and for whom? Am I truly doing this for God, or did I actually come to do this for myself?"
And what does effectiveness mean? Change? Well, that's not going to happen. I know it's not my job to change the hospital, but I see that it is my position (tactfully and respectfully of course, always) to put in my opinion. After all, I am an employee, a registered nurse with my bachelor's degree. It's tough. As an outsider, where are my rights, what are my responsibilities? Yeah, not sure. Living in another culture, much less working in a completely different system is very very complex. The complexity of language, communication, culture, change, healthcare, and most of all, one's character, and how they healthily deal with all of those things. This, my friends, is the thorn in my flesh. Am I faithful enough to complete this task just exactly how Jesus Christ is calling me to? Every step? What if it means doing exactly what I am doing now? Because it might be. The change must be the way I deal with it, the way I process it, and the way I choose to exert myself in a way that is actually helpful to this. I feel like I need a master's degree or something to do this. But then again, I might be in the exact same position.
On another note, little by little, I continue to meet new folks, establish new friendships, and the loneliness of living alone diminishes some. I know that God is calling me to spend more time centering myself in quiet times with him. I'm starting to find people who I can trust in, people who care about me genuinely, and that is a wonderful thing. It makes all the difference, actually. I do find myself missing my friends and family from home, but I am slowly building a community here, which is truly rich, and really helps me to grow. It's pretty inspiring meeting people from all areas of the world, and getting their input in issues. I like to know how others really truly see North Americans, and understand the reason behind it. I like to see how they approach their social issues, healthcare, education, etc. I tell you, nothing expands your world view quite as much as meeting people from all over. I feel like if work was going smoother, this would be my dream 2 years! :) But I believe that God's plan is perfect, and staying in that will truly prove to be a very rewarding experience. Also, Spanish--still struggling, but I'm finding little by little I'm understanding larger quantities of conversations, which is obviously very encouraging.
anyways, what's new with you?
Love Malerie
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
hay un accidente!
Last night I found myself in the emergency on my first evening training there. Not that it is so different from other shifts, but I surely could not manage it if I had to work on my own, so this week is designated for the ER. Maybe it's the luck I bring or something, but around maybe 3:00 pm or so, we received 14 people coming in from a car wreck. It was not clear to me until the end of the whole ordeal what exactly had happened. But folks from the more rural areas hop on a pick up truck in the back and ride in together. So if one truck overturns, you've got a 14-victim accident. We got people coming in from pickups and cars, and all sorts of things. Many just got some pretty harsh road burns, others had dislocated shoulders, others had some pretty bad cuts on their head and face. There was a baby who was so very lucky to have made it out with some scratches.
What really stunk was that I felt like I didn't know the first thing to do. I suppose there is no better way to learn than when learning experiences present themselves. So it was taking vital signs (manually of course with a BP cuff) and taping them to the legs of the patients, and then Dr.s come in and assess the worst ones first, and from then on it's prioritization as to who is the most grave. After vital signs, it's getting basins with soap and water, and trying to wash people up a little, calm them down, and put gauze on their cuts. Then, it's the dr.s turn to write up a reference, and write any orders for IV fluids if they see it necessary, and get them ready to ship off to a hospital that is better equipped for these folks. Also, most of these folks cannot afford a private hospital, so that is another factor one considers when thinking about referring.
All that said, I think everyone is going to be okay with some stitches, casts, immobilizers, rest, IV fluids, and observation. It was chaos. Maybe not for everyone else, but for me with my Spanish levels, and newby levels of understanding a) Emergency care b) Hospital Evangelico's way of treating mass emergency c) students and nurses and doctors working together, it was chaos and confusion. I tried to just be available, and tried to step back and observe, and assess if someone needed to be watched more carefully and was being overlooked due to other distractions. Also, once in a while I went and checked on folks to make sure they knew we were watching them, and caring for them. Some of them were pretty scared. Two girls not over the age of probably 14 were there without their parents, obviously scared. A pregnant woman kept asking what had happened to her. I don't know. It could have been my newness to trauma and emergencies.
One success, I didn't get dizzy and have the feeling of fainting! Usually when I see ripped up skin and bloody faces, I start to get a little whoosy, but maybe it's more like when one is a passenger they get carsick, but not when driving. Maybe it's something like that. Anyways, it was awesome. I think I could get the hang of this.
So, that's an insight into a very interesting evening shift for me. Stressful, but in the end, definitely a good learning experience.
Other happenings: Enjoying having other folks living with me at the house. Work is going pretty well. I found someone who wanted an English-speaking conversation partner, which has been a fun new contact/resource/friend for me. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Those are always useful! I appreciate it all.
Love, Malerie
What really stunk was that I felt like I didn't know the first thing to do. I suppose there is no better way to learn than when learning experiences present themselves. So it was taking vital signs (manually of course with a BP cuff) and taping them to the legs of the patients, and then Dr.s come in and assess the worst ones first, and from then on it's prioritization as to who is the most grave. After vital signs, it's getting basins with soap and water, and trying to wash people up a little, calm them down, and put gauze on their cuts. Then, it's the dr.s turn to write up a reference, and write any orders for IV fluids if they see it necessary, and get them ready to ship off to a hospital that is better equipped for these folks. Also, most of these folks cannot afford a private hospital, so that is another factor one considers when thinking about referring.
All that said, I think everyone is going to be okay with some stitches, casts, immobilizers, rest, IV fluids, and observation. It was chaos. Maybe not for everyone else, but for me with my Spanish levels, and newby levels of understanding a) Emergency care b) Hospital Evangelico's way of treating mass emergency c) students and nurses and doctors working together, it was chaos and confusion. I tried to just be available, and tried to step back and observe, and assess if someone needed to be watched more carefully and was being overlooked due to other distractions. Also, once in a while I went and checked on folks to make sure they knew we were watching them, and caring for them. Some of them were pretty scared. Two girls not over the age of probably 14 were there without their parents, obviously scared. A pregnant woman kept asking what had happened to her. I don't know. It could have been my newness to trauma and emergencies.
One success, I didn't get dizzy and have the feeling of fainting! Usually when I see ripped up skin and bloody faces, I start to get a little whoosy, but maybe it's more like when one is a passenger they get carsick, but not when driving. Maybe it's something like that. Anyways, it was awesome. I think I could get the hang of this.
So, that's an insight into a very interesting evening shift for me. Stressful, but in the end, definitely a good learning experience.
Other happenings: Enjoying having other folks living with me at the house. Work is going pretty well. I found someone who wanted an English-speaking conversation partner, which has been a fun new contact/resource/friend for me. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Those are always useful! I appreciate it all.
Love, Malerie
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Back in Honduras
I have found myself back in Honduras after 3 weeks visit in the U.S. It was a good time of spending quality time with family and friends. I got to have a nice ride one summer evening in Iowa City on my bicycle. I tried to do everything that I do not have the opportunity to do here in Honduras. I think I was able to take advantage of that pretty well. Hiked in Virginia, met friends over many a cup of coffee or dinner catching up. Orientation, as mentioned in the previous post proved to be a good time of reflection and learning. But I find myself back here where I was sent in the first place, and I feel pretty good about that. It was a little harder in some ways this time around leaving the U.S. knowing it will be a long time till I go back, but I think that is actually good. It can kind of mess with your head when you go back and forth from what you consider home, and where you are supposed to be making your home.
Yesterday I went on a retreat with the nurses here to a retreat center where we went up on the highwires, securely attached of course, but nonetheless, really high up. It was fun, and I did realize some of the things that hinder teamwork, and what hinders me in particular from joining the team that is in place here at the hospital.
I start back into work tomorrow on 3rd shift. I'm finding myself quite tired these days, adjusting back to Spanish immersion. I love learning Spanish, but it can certainly prove to be a challenge, and super-humbling. Also, I have 2 girls from Seattle visiting Siguatepeque doing some work in the area, and are staying at my house, which has been really great company, and just nice to meet new people from a different area of the U.S. with different ethnic backgrounds, and new outlooks. I'm thankful for them being here.
Anyways, I hope that you are finding peace in your lives, and can feel Christ's presence in your life, even if all else is kind of crazy. or maybe that is my wish for myself too. :)
Yesterday I went on a retreat with the nurses here to a retreat center where we went up on the highwires, securely attached of course, but nonetheless, really high up. It was fun, and I did realize some of the things that hinder teamwork, and what hinders me in particular from joining the team that is in place here at the hospital.
I start back into work tomorrow on 3rd shift. I'm finding myself quite tired these days, adjusting back to Spanish immersion. I love learning Spanish, but it can certainly prove to be a challenge, and super-humbling. Also, I have 2 girls from Seattle visiting Siguatepeque doing some work in the area, and are staying at my house, which has been really great company, and just nice to meet new people from a different area of the U.S. with different ethnic backgrounds, and new outlooks. I'm thankful for them being here.
Anyways, I hope that you are finding peace in your lives, and can feel Christ's presence in your life, even if all else is kind of crazy. or maybe that is my wish for myself too. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
