Sunday, August 29, 2010
to be noted...no pics=boring
I apologize for the boring visual of this blog. stupidly, somewhere on the way to the U.S. in June, I lost a baggie I had of my camera charger, my Ipod cord, and along with that, my camera cord to download pics. Blug. I was actually going to do that tonight too. Lame. Maybe I'll have to see if I can order another online and send it down with one of you when you come to visit. ;)
6 months in...
So I am a half a year into this. Time is so relative so I don't really know if it's gone fast or slow. Either way, half-way is certainly 182.5 days, so whether or not it's gone slow, it doesn't matter.
My good friend Brianna visited me this past week. I had some days off, and we went to the island of Utila and enjoyed the sun and sea for a couple days, and then spent the last 7 days here in Siguatepeque. I worked mornings, and she either relaxed, did some of her own work, or she got involved in volunteering at some local organizations. I was blessed to have a friend from the states, who knows me well, to now know where I dwell, and what are some of the challenges I am facing.
Today (Sunday) I found myself at church twice, napping 2 hours in between, and surprised to have a last minute call from some friends who wanted to come over and hang out. It was a good day, even though I was sad to send Brianna off, but my friends filled that gap, and I am thankful. We ate "catrachos" with is a tostado (corn tortilla thinger) with beans, parmesan cheese, and a salsa-like mixture called Chismol. Catrachos is the slang word for a Honduran person. Spanish can be pretty fun.
I'm not going to lie. It was a tough week that just passed. Morning shift is always a struggle with some of the dynamics of staff relationships, and really just me trying to figure out what is my role at this hospital. What are their goals, what are mine? How do I be effective without stomping on feet? What are my abilities anyways? Am I capable of teaching nursing students with my level of Spanish? What does student supervision mean? If I am not capable, am I stuck washing beds and doing the work of any other Honduran nursing assistant can do? I feel like I came on this with a humble heart, but the level of nursing work I am doing has certainly taken a beating on my pride. I have had to stop and ask myself, "just what am I doing this for and for whom? Am I truly doing this for God, or did I actually come to do this for myself?"
And what does effectiveness mean? Change? Well, that's not going to happen. I know it's not my job to change the hospital, but I see that it is my position (tactfully and respectfully of course, always) to put in my opinion. After all, I am an employee, a registered nurse with my bachelor's degree. It's tough. As an outsider, where are my rights, what are my responsibilities? Yeah, not sure. Living in another culture, much less working in a completely different system is very very complex. The complexity of language, communication, culture, change, healthcare, and most of all, one's character, and how they healthily deal with all of those things. This, my friends, is the thorn in my flesh. Am I faithful enough to complete this task just exactly how Jesus Christ is calling me to? Every step? What if it means doing exactly what I am doing now? Because it might be. The change must be the way I deal with it, the way I process it, and the way I choose to exert myself in a way that is actually helpful to this. I feel like I need a master's degree or something to do this. But then again, I might be in the exact same position.
On another note, little by little, I continue to meet new folks, establish new friendships, and the loneliness of living alone diminishes some. I know that God is calling me to spend more time centering myself in quiet times with him. I'm starting to find people who I can trust in, people who care about me genuinely, and that is a wonderful thing. It makes all the difference, actually. I do find myself missing my friends and family from home, but I am slowly building a community here, which is truly rich, and really helps me to grow. It's pretty inspiring meeting people from all areas of the world, and getting their input in issues. I like to know how others really truly see North Americans, and understand the reason behind it. I like to see how they approach their social issues, healthcare, education, etc. I tell you, nothing expands your world view quite as much as meeting people from all over. I feel like if work was going smoother, this would be my dream 2 years! :) But I believe that God's plan is perfect, and staying in that will truly prove to be a very rewarding experience. Also, Spanish--still struggling, but I'm finding little by little I'm understanding larger quantities of conversations, which is obviously very encouraging.
anyways, what's new with you?
Love Malerie
My good friend Brianna visited me this past week. I had some days off, and we went to the island of Utila and enjoyed the sun and sea for a couple days, and then spent the last 7 days here in Siguatepeque. I worked mornings, and she either relaxed, did some of her own work, or she got involved in volunteering at some local organizations. I was blessed to have a friend from the states, who knows me well, to now know where I dwell, and what are some of the challenges I am facing.
Today (Sunday) I found myself at church twice, napping 2 hours in between, and surprised to have a last minute call from some friends who wanted to come over and hang out. It was a good day, even though I was sad to send Brianna off, but my friends filled that gap, and I am thankful. We ate "catrachos" with is a tostado (corn tortilla thinger) with beans, parmesan cheese, and a salsa-like mixture called Chismol. Catrachos is the slang word for a Honduran person. Spanish can be pretty fun.
I'm not going to lie. It was a tough week that just passed. Morning shift is always a struggle with some of the dynamics of staff relationships, and really just me trying to figure out what is my role at this hospital. What are their goals, what are mine? How do I be effective without stomping on feet? What are my abilities anyways? Am I capable of teaching nursing students with my level of Spanish? What does student supervision mean? If I am not capable, am I stuck washing beds and doing the work of any other Honduran nursing assistant can do? I feel like I came on this with a humble heart, but the level of nursing work I am doing has certainly taken a beating on my pride. I have had to stop and ask myself, "just what am I doing this for and for whom? Am I truly doing this for God, or did I actually come to do this for myself?"
And what does effectiveness mean? Change? Well, that's not going to happen. I know it's not my job to change the hospital, but I see that it is my position (tactfully and respectfully of course, always) to put in my opinion. After all, I am an employee, a registered nurse with my bachelor's degree. It's tough. As an outsider, where are my rights, what are my responsibilities? Yeah, not sure. Living in another culture, much less working in a completely different system is very very complex. The complexity of language, communication, culture, change, healthcare, and most of all, one's character, and how they healthily deal with all of those things. This, my friends, is the thorn in my flesh. Am I faithful enough to complete this task just exactly how Jesus Christ is calling me to? Every step? What if it means doing exactly what I am doing now? Because it might be. The change must be the way I deal with it, the way I process it, and the way I choose to exert myself in a way that is actually helpful to this. I feel like I need a master's degree or something to do this. But then again, I might be in the exact same position.
On another note, little by little, I continue to meet new folks, establish new friendships, and the loneliness of living alone diminishes some. I know that God is calling me to spend more time centering myself in quiet times with him. I'm starting to find people who I can trust in, people who care about me genuinely, and that is a wonderful thing. It makes all the difference, actually. I do find myself missing my friends and family from home, but I am slowly building a community here, which is truly rich, and really helps me to grow. It's pretty inspiring meeting people from all areas of the world, and getting their input in issues. I like to know how others really truly see North Americans, and understand the reason behind it. I like to see how they approach their social issues, healthcare, education, etc. I tell you, nothing expands your world view quite as much as meeting people from all over. I feel like if work was going smoother, this would be my dream 2 years! :) But I believe that God's plan is perfect, and staying in that will truly prove to be a very rewarding experience. Also, Spanish--still struggling, but I'm finding little by little I'm understanding larger quantities of conversations, which is obviously very encouraging.
anyways, what's new with you?
Love Malerie
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
hay un accidente!
Last night I found myself in the emergency on my first evening training there. Not that it is so different from other shifts, but I surely could not manage it if I had to work on my own, so this week is designated for the ER. Maybe it's the luck I bring or something, but around maybe 3:00 pm or so, we received 14 people coming in from a car wreck. It was not clear to me until the end of the whole ordeal what exactly had happened. But folks from the more rural areas hop on a pick up truck in the back and ride in together. So if one truck overturns, you've got a 14-victim accident. We got people coming in from pickups and cars, and all sorts of things. Many just got some pretty harsh road burns, others had dislocated shoulders, others had some pretty bad cuts on their head and face. There was a baby who was so very lucky to have made it out with some scratches.
What really stunk was that I felt like I didn't know the first thing to do. I suppose there is no better way to learn than when learning experiences present themselves. So it was taking vital signs (manually of course with a BP cuff) and taping them to the legs of the patients, and then Dr.s come in and assess the worst ones first, and from then on it's prioritization as to who is the most grave. After vital signs, it's getting basins with soap and water, and trying to wash people up a little, calm them down, and put gauze on their cuts. Then, it's the dr.s turn to write up a reference, and write any orders for IV fluids if they see it necessary, and get them ready to ship off to a hospital that is better equipped for these folks. Also, most of these folks cannot afford a private hospital, so that is another factor one considers when thinking about referring.
All that said, I think everyone is going to be okay with some stitches, casts, immobilizers, rest, IV fluids, and observation. It was chaos. Maybe not for everyone else, but for me with my Spanish levels, and newby levels of understanding a) Emergency care b) Hospital Evangelico's way of treating mass emergency c) students and nurses and doctors working together, it was chaos and confusion. I tried to just be available, and tried to step back and observe, and assess if someone needed to be watched more carefully and was being overlooked due to other distractions. Also, once in a while I went and checked on folks to make sure they knew we were watching them, and caring for them. Some of them were pretty scared. Two girls not over the age of probably 14 were there without their parents, obviously scared. A pregnant woman kept asking what had happened to her. I don't know. It could have been my newness to trauma and emergencies.
One success, I didn't get dizzy and have the feeling of fainting! Usually when I see ripped up skin and bloody faces, I start to get a little whoosy, but maybe it's more like when one is a passenger they get carsick, but not when driving. Maybe it's something like that. Anyways, it was awesome. I think I could get the hang of this.
So, that's an insight into a very interesting evening shift for me. Stressful, but in the end, definitely a good learning experience.
Other happenings: Enjoying having other folks living with me at the house. Work is going pretty well. I found someone who wanted an English-speaking conversation partner, which has been a fun new contact/resource/friend for me. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Those are always useful! I appreciate it all.
Love, Malerie
What really stunk was that I felt like I didn't know the first thing to do. I suppose there is no better way to learn than when learning experiences present themselves. So it was taking vital signs (manually of course with a BP cuff) and taping them to the legs of the patients, and then Dr.s come in and assess the worst ones first, and from then on it's prioritization as to who is the most grave. After vital signs, it's getting basins with soap and water, and trying to wash people up a little, calm them down, and put gauze on their cuts. Then, it's the dr.s turn to write up a reference, and write any orders for IV fluids if they see it necessary, and get them ready to ship off to a hospital that is better equipped for these folks. Also, most of these folks cannot afford a private hospital, so that is another factor one considers when thinking about referring.
All that said, I think everyone is going to be okay with some stitches, casts, immobilizers, rest, IV fluids, and observation. It was chaos. Maybe not for everyone else, but for me with my Spanish levels, and newby levels of understanding a) Emergency care b) Hospital Evangelico's way of treating mass emergency c) students and nurses and doctors working together, it was chaos and confusion. I tried to just be available, and tried to step back and observe, and assess if someone needed to be watched more carefully and was being overlooked due to other distractions. Also, once in a while I went and checked on folks to make sure they knew we were watching them, and caring for them. Some of them were pretty scared. Two girls not over the age of probably 14 were there without their parents, obviously scared. A pregnant woman kept asking what had happened to her. I don't know. It could have been my newness to trauma and emergencies.
One success, I didn't get dizzy and have the feeling of fainting! Usually when I see ripped up skin and bloody faces, I start to get a little whoosy, but maybe it's more like when one is a passenger they get carsick, but not when driving. Maybe it's something like that. Anyways, it was awesome. I think I could get the hang of this.
So, that's an insight into a very interesting evening shift for me. Stressful, but in the end, definitely a good learning experience.
Other happenings: Enjoying having other folks living with me at the house. Work is going pretty well. I found someone who wanted an English-speaking conversation partner, which has been a fun new contact/resource/friend for me. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Those are always useful! I appreciate it all.
Love, Malerie
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Back in Honduras
I have found myself back in Honduras after 3 weeks visit in the U.S. It was a good time of spending quality time with family and friends. I got to have a nice ride one summer evening in Iowa City on my bicycle. I tried to do everything that I do not have the opportunity to do here in Honduras. I think I was able to take advantage of that pretty well. Hiked in Virginia, met friends over many a cup of coffee or dinner catching up. Orientation, as mentioned in the previous post proved to be a good time of reflection and learning. But I find myself back here where I was sent in the first place, and I feel pretty good about that. It was a little harder in some ways this time around leaving the U.S. knowing it will be a long time till I go back, but I think that is actually good. It can kind of mess with your head when you go back and forth from what you consider home, and where you are supposed to be making your home.
Yesterday I went on a retreat with the nurses here to a retreat center where we went up on the highwires, securely attached of course, but nonetheless, really high up. It was fun, and I did realize some of the things that hinder teamwork, and what hinders me in particular from joining the team that is in place here at the hospital.
I start back into work tomorrow on 3rd shift. I'm finding myself quite tired these days, adjusting back to Spanish immersion. I love learning Spanish, but it can certainly prove to be a challenge, and super-humbling. Also, I have 2 girls from Seattle visiting Siguatepeque doing some work in the area, and are staying at my house, which has been really great company, and just nice to meet new people from a different area of the U.S. with different ethnic backgrounds, and new outlooks. I'm thankful for them being here.
Anyways, I hope that you are finding peace in your lives, and can feel Christ's presence in your life, even if all else is kind of crazy. or maybe that is my wish for myself too. :)
Yesterday I went on a retreat with the nurses here to a retreat center where we went up on the highwires, securely attached of course, but nonetheless, really high up. It was fun, and I did realize some of the things that hinder teamwork, and what hinders me in particular from joining the team that is in place here at the hospital.
I start back into work tomorrow on 3rd shift. I'm finding myself quite tired these days, adjusting back to Spanish immersion. I love learning Spanish, but it can certainly prove to be a challenge, and super-humbling. Also, I have 2 girls from Seattle visiting Siguatepeque doing some work in the area, and are staying at my house, which has been really great company, and just nice to meet new people from a different area of the U.S. with different ethnic backgrounds, and new outlooks. I'm thankful for them being here.
Anyways, I hope that you are finding peace in your lives, and can feel Christ's presence in your life, even if all else is kind of crazy. or maybe that is my wish for myself too. :)
Monday, July 12, 2010
Orientation
I find myself on a Monday, 3rd day of orientation. A lot a lot of thoughts, feelings, and some tears I have encountered today. I am tired, and all I really want to do is sleep, but I'm finding the increasing need to journal, and process the thoughts that were rolling around in my head today.
I was acutely aware of the sacredness of the opportunity we have as we approach assignments abroad in service and missions. I was reminded what missions are about. Well, maybe rightly educated today by a pair of married, experienced missionaries who are very active not only abroad, but here in their own community in Harrisonburg in the world of missions. I will call them George and Mary. George started out their time of sharing with his testimony, saying that it does directly relate to missional approach. In a nutshell, George was called into ministry simply because of the joy and wonder and transformation he had found in his own salvation. It was not out of Christian criteria, or guilt, or obligation, but simply because Jesus had so radically intervened in his life and gave him hope and joy when he had none, when all other resources had been exhausted. After he made the realization, there was nothing else to do but to share that with others who lacked that power source of Christ.
So that first impacted me, as I have lost what missions exactly is. I have lost what "the good news" or the "gospel" truly is. It is nothing more but Christ coming into our lives and conforming us from people without hope, to people with true joy and love. Living in Christian influence my whole life, the post-modern world has certainly had its effect on me. I have faced the questions our post-modern society has proposed and failed to have answers. I have fallen into cynicism when people use words like "evangelism" and spreading the good news, and saving people for Jesus. but somehow I have still held onto this "call" to go abroad. How I got this far with a slightly tainted view of missions, I do not know. I mean, missions are super-complicated and that is for sure. There are a million dynamics one needs to study and consider before doing something like this, but I think I have been working so hard on those dynamics, but have been so badly failing at the heart of the matter. I think the heart of it is this: Christ has impacted my life. If nothing else, I am convinced that Jesus Christ is real, and for whatever reason, Christ has led me to serve in Siguatepeque, Honduras. The process is not a simple one, but I am going to work to serve to the best of what I can, with the guidance of the Higher Power. I don't even know yet what that all entails. But there isn't any other way. As they say, in Spanish. "Ni Modo." There's no other way.
I was acutely aware of the sacredness of the opportunity we have as we approach assignments abroad in service and missions. I was reminded what missions are about. Well, maybe rightly educated today by a pair of married, experienced missionaries who are very active not only abroad, but here in their own community in Harrisonburg in the world of missions. I will call them George and Mary. George started out their time of sharing with his testimony, saying that it does directly relate to missional approach. In a nutshell, George was called into ministry simply because of the joy and wonder and transformation he had found in his own salvation. It was not out of Christian criteria, or guilt, or obligation, but simply because Jesus had so radically intervened in his life and gave him hope and joy when he had none, when all other resources had been exhausted. After he made the realization, there was nothing else to do but to share that with others who lacked that power source of Christ.
So that first impacted me, as I have lost what missions exactly is. I have lost what "the good news" or the "gospel" truly is. It is nothing more but Christ coming into our lives and conforming us from people without hope, to people with true joy and love. Living in Christian influence my whole life, the post-modern world has certainly had its effect on me. I have faced the questions our post-modern society has proposed and failed to have answers. I have fallen into cynicism when people use words like "evangelism" and spreading the good news, and saving people for Jesus. but somehow I have still held onto this "call" to go abroad. How I got this far with a slightly tainted view of missions, I do not know. I mean, missions are super-complicated and that is for sure. There are a million dynamics one needs to study and consider before doing something like this, but I think I have been working so hard on those dynamics, but have been so badly failing at the heart of the matter. I think the heart of it is this: Christ has impacted my life. If nothing else, I am convinced that Jesus Christ is real, and for whatever reason, Christ has led me to serve in Siguatepeque, Honduras. The process is not a simple one, but I am going to work to serve to the best of what I can, with the guidance of the Higher Power. I don't even know yet what that all entails. But there isn't any other way. As they say, in Spanish. "Ni Modo." There's no other way.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Long waits in airports are lame
Disclaimer: This post is coming from thoughts that are coming from sitting in an airport after missing my flight due to slow border control people. GRAR! Getting delayed 9 hours after not sleeping last night due to a 1:15 am flight gives me right to be grumpy, I think. Man, I am ticked, but at some point one realizes that one is powerless to change the cards, so you just try to see the positive in the situation.
So here I am sitting, just like hundreds of other technology-infested humans of all different races on my laptop, fighting for a plug-in since our cell phones, ipods, and computers have gone dead. First of all, I HATE sitting long amounts of time in airports alone. It’s another thing if you have someone with you, but sitting in Fort Lauderdale alone, knowing Mom and Allyce would have been ready and waiting for me in Chicago at 9:00 as planned had it not been for the U.S.’s obsession with keeping out agriculture and terrorists and illegal immigrants from different countries. Second of all, I hate being just as stereotypical as every other person here who is so involved in their technological devices that no one sees the need to hear the story of the stranger who has been sitting next to them the last 5 hours. This world is nuts, and sometimes I think I’m going nuts too. God help us.
The airport, however, is a ridiculously interesting place to study anthropology. There are people here from all over the world. White North Americans here in Fort Lauderdale airport are certainly the minority. It is kind of fun to try to see how much of random Spanish conversations I am able to understand. But the vanity of the world sure comes out. Women consistently reapplying their make-up, people buying $8.50 breakfast sandwiches and $4.00 cups of coffee. People endlessly fiddling with their cell phones and iPods. Everyone with their own criteria. A whole bunch of random strangers in one weirdly shaped building. People being herded around, all heading to their own destinations. No one seemingly having anything to do with the other.
I did get to sit and chat with a Honduran while I was waiting. This is always a really interesting experience after being in Honduras and hearing so many people say that their dad, brother, uncle, or maybe even mother is in the U.S. now working and sending home money. It’s interesting to see the life of an immigrant on the other side, and see his viewpoint. This particular fellow has been here 15 years. Made me feel better that I don’t know Spanish so great after 4 months. Still, it was a pleasure talking to him. I decided I would take advantage of this time to practice my Spanish. Also, this airport has iffy, but sometimes accessible internet, and lucky me, I brought my laptop. So, I officially am one of the ridiculously privileged persons in this world.
This is just a plain out lonely experience. I hate being lonely, and I hate being alone. I have not been without a cell phone since my junior year of college. You know, I don’t have a working cell phone right now, and I hardly know what to do with myself. Well, these days with everyone walking around with unlimited minutes, whatever. People have been willing to share their phone with me to call Mom and Allyce. Maybe there is some good in this world. Life was meant to be spent with others, making friendships. I have talked to a few, but you get to be the weirdo who won’t stop talking if you chat for too long with the new stranger you just met. 9 hours spent alone in an airport is entirely too much. I want to sleep, yet I don’t because it feels weird with people stepping around me, and me laying on a dirty ground, never knowing if I need to be worrying about my possessions or not.
It also bothers me that this little bump in the road had such capacity to upset me. I am on my way home, in pretty good spirits after 4 months of being abroad. And I am not a mean person, but I knew that if one more delay against me comes, I would probably not be very self-controlled, possibly get ugly. I might as well admit that to myself, because it is true. Because this is not only me, it is my family who has taken off work to come get me. All because the staff couldn’t hurry themselves just a bit. I missed it by 10 minutes. 10 minutes. The plane was still sitting there!!! I could have just popped on! Just crack the door. I’m fast! Anyways, I hope Mom and Allyce have found something fun to do in Chicago while they wait for me.
Maybe I am not only grumpy from lack of sleep and a missed flight, but also from a bit of shock of re-entering life of fast pace, fashion, money, and whatever it is that is spinning the wheels of this strange place. And when did those ugly leather cuff shoe-sandal things come into style? Whoever decided those were cute certainly didn’t ask me. I’ll just be glad when I get home and get back into something that is at least semi-familiar.
So I have been reading “My Utmost For His Highest” the newer-English version by Oswald Chambers. One day this week, he wrote that we are able to recognize the faults we like to judge in people because we possess them in our own hearts. If we are not already guilty of the same thing, it is because we are very capable of the same sin, or downfall. Shoot. That about sums up anything I have ever judged anybody on. Lord, may we be slow to judge, slow to anger, and quick to love. Man, those words are so much easier to say than do and follow through with.
So, the world cup is in high gear. Never did I even really know about it until this year, and Honduras is playing in it. So far, has lost 2 of 2 games, unfortunately. 1 left again Switzerland. I don’t mind though, the excitement of just going and experiencing the excitement of the Hondurans is pretty fun in itself.
I sort of left the hospital thinking that I could slip out without anybody really caring or noticing. Of course that is not how I wanted it to be, but I just don’t like to make a bit deal of the fact that I am already taking a trip home after only 4 months. I was blessed to have some girls from the hospital come visit me before I left to tell me they would miss me. That blessed me, at this point, I feel pretty good about coming back.
Well, I think 2 pages should be enough. Hopefully I will survive the next several hours. Wish I had friends in Fort Lauderdale to come visit me!!! Blessings to you all. More to come. I’m especially looking forward to VMM orientation in Harrisonburg after a couple of weeks, and of course, seeing my friends and family!
Love, Malerie
So here I am sitting, just like hundreds of other technology-infested humans of all different races on my laptop, fighting for a plug-in since our cell phones, ipods, and computers have gone dead. First of all, I HATE sitting long amounts of time in airports alone. It’s another thing if you have someone with you, but sitting in Fort Lauderdale alone, knowing Mom and Allyce would have been ready and waiting for me in Chicago at 9:00 as planned had it not been for the U.S.’s obsession with keeping out agriculture and terrorists and illegal immigrants from different countries. Second of all, I hate being just as stereotypical as every other person here who is so involved in their technological devices that no one sees the need to hear the story of the stranger who has been sitting next to them the last 5 hours. This world is nuts, and sometimes I think I’m going nuts too. God help us.
The airport, however, is a ridiculously interesting place to study anthropology. There are people here from all over the world. White North Americans here in Fort Lauderdale airport are certainly the minority. It is kind of fun to try to see how much of random Spanish conversations I am able to understand. But the vanity of the world sure comes out. Women consistently reapplying their make-up, people buying $8.50 breakfast sandwiches and $4.00 cups of coffee. People endlessly fiddling with their cell phones and iPods. Everyone with their own criteria. A whole bunch of random strangers in one weirdly shaped building. People being herded around, all heading to their own destinations. No one seemingly having anything to do with the other.
I did get to sit and chat with a Honduran while I was waiting. This is always a really interesting experience after being in Honduras and hearing so many people say that their dad, brother, uncle, or maybe even mother is in the U.S. now working and sending home money. It’s interesting to see the life of an immigrant on the other side, and see his viewpoint. This particular fellow has been here 15 years. Made me feel better that I don’t know Spanish so great after 4 months. Still, it was a pleasure talking to him. I decided I would take advantage of this time to practice my Spanish. Also, this airport has iffy, but sometimes accessible internet, and lucky me, I brought my laptop. So, I officially am one of the ridiculously privileged persons in this world.
This is just a plain out lonely experience. I hate being lonely, and I hate being alone. I have not been without a cell phone since my junior year of college. You know, I don’t have a working cell phone right now, and I hardly know what to do with myself. Well, these days with everyone walking around with unlimited minutes, whatever. People have been willing to share their phone with me to call Mom and Allyce. Maybe there is some good in this world. Life was meant to be spent with others, making friendships. I have talked to a few, but you get to be the weirdo who won’t stop talking if you chat for too long with the new stranger you just met. 9 hours spent alone in an airport is entirely too much. I want to sleep, yet I don’t because it feels weird with people stepping around me, and me laying on a dirty ground, never knowing if I need to be worrying about my possessions or not.
It also bothers me that this little bump in the road had such capacity to upset me. I am on my way home, in pretty good spirits after 4 months of being abroad. And I am not a mean person, but I knew that if one more delay against me comes, I would probably not be very self-controlled, possibly get ugly. I might as well admit that to myself, because it is true. Because this is not only me, it is my family who has taken off work to come get me. All because the staff couldn’t hurry themselves just a bit. I missed it by 10 minutes. 10 minutes. The plane was still sitting there!!! I could have just popped on! Just crack the door. I’m fast! Anyways, I hope Mom and Allyce have found something fun to do in Chicago while they wait for me.
Maybe I am not only grumpy from lack of sleep and a missed flight, but also from a bit of shock of re-entering life of fast pace, fashion, money, and whatever it is that is spinning the wheels of this strange place. And when did those ugly leather cuff shoe-sandal things come into style? Whoever decided those were cute certainly didn’t ask me. I’ll just be glad when I get home and get back into something that is at least semi-familiar.
So I have been reading “My Utmost For His Highest” the newer-English version by Oswald Chambers. One day this week, he wrote that we are able to recognize the faults we like to judge in people because we possess them in our own hearts. If we are not already guilty of the same thing, it is because we are very capable of the same sin, or downfall. Shoot. That about sums up anything I have ever judged anybody on. Lord, may we be slow to judge, slow to anger, and quick to love. Man, those words are so much easier to say than do and follow through with.
So, the world cup is in high gear. Never did I even really know about it until this year, and Honduras is playing in it. So far, has lost 2 of 2 games, unfortunately. 1 left again Switzerland. I don’t mind though, the excitement of just going and experiencing the excitement of the Hondurans is pretty fun in itself.
I sort of left the hospital thinking that I could slip out without anybody really caring or noticing. Of course that is not how I wanted it to be, but I just don’t like to make a bit deal of the fact that I am already taking a trip home after only 4 months. I was blessed to have some girls from the hospital come visit me before I left to tell me they would miss me. That blessed me, at this point, I feel pretty good about coming back.
Well, I think 2 pages should be enough. Hopefully I will survive the next several hours. Wish I had friends in Fort Lauderdale to come visit me!!! Blessings to you all. More to come. I’m especially looking forward to VMM orientation in Harrisonburg after a couple of weeks, and of course, seeing my friends and family!
Love, Malerie
Monday, June 14, 2010
Always something new
I am sitting here on a Monday afternoon, realizing it is time for a post, and struggling to collect my thoughts and funnel them into a blog that won't leave you wondering who in the world I am and why in the world you are reading this blog. :)
Something kind of weird happened this morning. I was scheduled to work at the hospital first shift, which is 5:45-2:15ish. So I got up, ate my breakfast, drank coffee, showered, you know, the usual. In report I randomly got really flushed and felt like I was going to pass out, twice! My blood pressure was on the low side for me, but not all that low. They let me go home, where I proceeded to go back to bed and sleep for close to 5 hours. What in the world was THAT? Was I simply just tired? Was I anxious? Am I actually physically not capable of working that early?
Just the week before I had worked first shift and realized that the charge nurse that works mornings is in general not a very pleasant person at work. For whatever reasons, probably personal, she doesn't treat me well, and I am realizing, no one else either, except of course her superiors. (That may tell you some of what I have experienced in Honduras regarding status and heirarchy struggles.) I had mentally prepared myself for the day on my way down to the hospital. But who knows? Where does a person get this idea that just because finally she is in a position of power that she can treat those "under" her badly? (by the way, I am actually her peer, being that I do have my degree, and she is still studying to get hers. But I did not come here to play that game.) Weird.
I was just catching up on the blogs of several of my friends who are also living abroad. Several thoughts came to my head:
-I am so lucky to be living in a protected environment. I rarely am scared of being robbed. It can and most likely will happen at some point while I am here, but I do not live in a place where I am daily afraid of the danger that is out there. It does make me sad though that in so many places here in Central America, Africa, wherever there is high levels of poverty, there are high levels of violence and danger. That really stinks.
-Living abroad is such a crazy experience. With natural disasters at hand, robberies, dealing with racial and cultural issues, communication language issues. Why do we crave this? Why do we leave the comfort of what we know to experience the chaos of living abroad, not even assured that our efforts will be profitable for the hosting culture? I think if I could KNOW for certain that my work here will bear fruit, I would be a lot less shaken by the culture shock I experience.
Last week I had a bit of a time of doubt, sadness, and just hurt. Already explained above with dynamics of the hospital, I left one of my shifts feeling quite down. I know my heart wants to be here to be of assistance where I can, and often I feel like it is not wanted amongst, well, probably just 1 or 2 of the nurses. Thank God for Norma, my colleague, Honduran/Argentine mother, mentor, boss, all of the above. She encouraged me to continue on, and to hold on tight to what I was certain God called me to. I was reminded at church yesterday that God says we WILL run into difficulties and problems. There's no maybe about it. I was able to come back with more encouragement. This week has improved with a few more good interactions with people at the hospital. A visit to a friend's house, where I met her mother and family. Always important to me, that I get to see where my friends/coworkers come from. Some come from comfortable homes, but not all. Many come from small humble homes, with lots of siblings. Always an interesting experience, as, naturally, it is quite different from what I was raised in.
This week we have also been blessed with a visit from a group of 3 people from a church in California who have been trained, and now giving training in Peace and Conflict Resolution. (as you know, being a Mennonite, that always excites me.) They have been giving courses to the bilingual schools, at the hospital, and church. I am thankful for their own expertise, and desire to train us. Another really cool thing about them is that part of their work in their own church is missionary support. They emphasize supporting of the missionaries. They realized when their missionaries were coming back, deflated and discouraged, something was lacking. So they formed a group to go and visit their missionaries (in this case it's Norma and Enrique) and making themselves useful where they can. I am looking forward to attending some seminars this week, as well as having them over for dialogue and dinner on Wednesday. (another blessing of living in a house with my own kitchen.)
So, I am leaving June 23 for the States. I will be going to Iowa for the first 2 weeks. Get to be with my family for my birthday, and for a little baby shower for my sister, who is quite a ways into her pregnancy. So that's all very exciting. Then, off to Virginia for a week, which I am also very much looking forward to. The purpose of Virginia is to attend the 5-day orientation into Virginia Mennonite Missions tranSend program. yes, I have been here 4 months already, but I believe that there is a purpose in all things, and am praying I get some sort of essential information that will help me along in my time here.
Well, must be going off to my Spanish class. I got lazy for about 2 weeks and allowed myself a break, only to realize that I must continue in these lessons to keep my Spanish improving, henceforth increasing my ability to communicate, henceforth making everything here just a little bit easier.
Thanks for reading. I am a blessed girl. And that is very clear. Blessings to all of you!
And if you are in Iowa or Virginia, hope to see you sooooon!
Something kind of weird happened this morning. I was scheduled to work at the hospital first shift, which is 5:45-2:15ish. So I got up, ate my breakfast, drank coffee, showered, you know, the usual. In report I randomly got really flushed and felt like I was going to pass out, twice! My blood pressure was on the low side for me, but not all that low. They let me go home, where I proceeded to go back to bed and sleep for close to 5 hours. What in the world was THAT? Was I simply just tired? Was I anxious? Am I actually physically not capable of working that early?
Just the week before I had worked first shift and realized that the charge nurse that works mornings is in general not a very pleasant person at work. For whatever reasons, probably personal, she doesn't treat me well, and I am realizing, no one else either, except of course her superiors. (That may tell you some of what I have experienced in Honduras regarding status and heirarchy struggles.) I had mentally prepared myself for the day on my way down to the hospital. But who knows? Where does a person get this idea that just because finally she is in a position of power that she can treat those "under" her badly? (by the way, I am actually her peer, being that I do have my degree, and she is still studying to get hers. But I did not come here to play that game.) Weird.
I was just catching up on the blogs of several of my friends who are also living abroad. Several thoughts came to my head:
-I am so lucky to be living in a protected environment. I rarely am scared of being robbed. It can and most likely will happen at some point while I am here, but I do not live in a place where I am daily afraid of the danger that is out there. It does make me sad though that in so many places here in Central America, Africa, wherever there is high levels of poverty, there are high levels of violence and danger. That really stinks.
-Living abroad is such a crazy experience. With natural disasters at hand, robberies, dealing with racial and cultural issues, communication language issues. Why do we crave this? Why do we leave the comfort of what we know to experience the chaos of living abroad, not even assured that our efforts will be profitable for the hosting culture? I think if I could KNOW for certain that my work here will bear fruit, I would be a lot less shaken by the culture shock I experience.
Last week I had a bit of a time of doubt, sadness, and just hurt. Already explained above with dynamics of the hospital, I left one of my shifts feeling quite down. I know my heart wants to be here to be of assistance where I can, and often I feel like it is not wanted amongst, well, probably just 1 or 2 of the nurses. Thank God for Norma, my colleague, Honduran/Argentine mother, mentor, boss, all of the above. She encouraged me to continue on, and to hold on tight to what I was certain God called me to. I was reminded at church yesterday that God says we WILL run into difficulties and problems. There's no maybe about it. I was able to come back with more encouragement. This week has improved with a few more good interactions with people at the hospital. A visit to a friend's house, where I met her mother and family. Always important to me, that I get to see where my friends/coworkers come from. Some come from comfortable homes, but not all. Many come from small humble homes, with lots of siblings. Always an interesting experience, as, naturally, it is quite different from what I was raised in.
This week we have also been blessed with a visit from a group of 3 people from a church in California who have been trained, and now giving training in Peace and Conflict Resolution. (as you know, being a Mennonite, that always excites me.) They have been giving courses to the bilingual schools, at the hospital, and church. I am thankful for their own expertise, and desire to train us. Another really cool thing about them is that part of their work in their own church is missionary support. They emphasize supporting of the missionaries. They realized when their missionaries were coming back, deflated and discouraged, something was lacking. So they formed a group to go and visit their missionaries (in this case it's Norma and Enrique) and making themselves useful where they can. I am looking forward to attending some seminars this week, as well as having them over for dialogue and dinner on Wednesday. (another blessing of living in a house with my own kitchen.)
So, I am leaving June 23 for the States. I will be going to Iowa for the first 2 weeks. Get to be with my family for my birthday, and for a little baby shower for my sister, who is quite a ways into her pregnancy. So that's all very exciting. Then, off to Virginia for a week, which I am also very much looking forward to. The purpose of Virginia is to attend the 5-day orientation into Virginia Mennonite Missions tranSend program. yes, I have been here 4 months already, but I believe that there is a purpose in all things, and am praying I get some sort of essential information that will help me along in my time here.
Well, must be going off to my Spanish class. I got lazy for about 2 weeks and allowed myself a break, only to realize that I must continue in these lessons to keep my Spanish improving, henceforth increasing my ability to communicate, henceforth making everything here just a little bit easier.
Thanks for reading. I am a blessed girl. And that is very clear. Blessings to all of you!
And if you are in Iowa or Virginia, hope to see you sooooon!
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