Always something new

I am sitting here on a Monday afternoon, realizing it is time for a post, and struggling to collect my thoughts and funnel them into a blog that won't leave you wondering who in the world I am and why in the world you are reading this blog. :)

Something kind of weird happened this morning. I was scheduled to work at the hospital first shift, which is 5:45-2:15ish. So I got up, ate my breakfast, drank coffee, showered, you know, the usual. In report I randomly got really flushed and felt like I was going to pass out, twice! My blood pressure was on the low side for me, but not all that low. They let me go home, where I proceeded to go back to bed and sleep for close to 5 hours. What in the world was THAT? Was I simply just tired? Was I anxious? Am I actually physically not capable of working that early?

Just the week before I had worked first shift and realized that the charge nurse that works mornings is in general not a very pleasant person at work. For whatever reasons, probably personal, she doesn't treat me well, and I am realizing, no one else either, except of course her superiors. (That may tell you some of what I have experienced in Honduras regarding status and heirarchy struggles.) I had mentally prepared myself for the day on my way down to the hospital. But who knows? Where does a person get this idea that just because finally she is in a position of power that she can treat those "under" her badly? (by the way, I am actually her peer, being that I do have my degree, and she is still studying to get hers. But I did not come here to play that game.) Weird.

I was just catching up on the blogs of several of my friends who are also living abroad. Several thoughts came to my head:
-I am so lucky to be living in a protected environment. I rarely am scared of being robbed. It can and most likely will happen at some point while I am here, but I do not live in a place where I am daily afraid of the danger that is out there. It does make me sad though that in so many places here in Central America, Africa, wherever there is high levels of poverty, there are high levels of violence and danger. That really stinks.
-Living abroad is such a crazy experience. With natural disasters at hand, robberies, dealing with racial and cultural issues, communication language issues. Why do we crave this? Why do we leave the comfort of what we know to experience the chaos of living abroad, not even assured that our efforts will be profitable for the hosting culture? I think if I could KNOW for certain that my work here will bear fruit, I would be a lot less shaken by the culture shock I experience.

Last week I had a bit of a time of doubt, sadness, and just hurt. Already explained above with dynamics of the hospital, I left one of my shifts feeling quite down. I know my heart wants to be here to be of assistance where I can, and often I feel like it is not wanted amongst, well, probably just 1 or 2 of the nurses. Thank God for Norma, my colleague, Honduran/Argentine mother, mentor, boss, all of the above. She encouraged me to continue on, and to hold on tight to what I was certain God called me to. I was reminded at church yesterday that God says we WILL run into difficulties and problems. There's no maybe about it. I was able to come back with more encouragement. This week has improved with a few more good interactions with people at the hospital. A visit to a friend's house, where I met her mother and family. Always important to me, that I get to see where my friends/coworkers come from. Some come from comfortable homes, but not all. Many come from small humble homes, with lots of siblings. Always an interesting experience, as, naturally, it is quite different from what I was raised in.

This week we have also been blessed with a visit from a group of 3 people from a church in California who have been trained, and now giving training in Peace and Conflict Resolution. (as you know, being a Mennonite, that always excites me.) They have been giving courses to the bilingual schools, at the hospital, and church. I am thankful for their own expertise, and desire to train us. Another really cool thing about them is that part of their work in their own church is missionary support. They emphasize supporting of the missionaries. They realized when their missionaries were coming back, deflated and discouraged, something was lacking. So they formed a group to go and visit their missionaries (in this case it's Norma and Enrique) and making themselves useful where they can. I am looking forward to attending some seminars this week, as well as having them over for dialogue and dinner on Wednesday. (another blessing of living in a house with my own kitchen.)

So, I am leaving June 23 for the States. I will be going to Iowa for the first 2 weeks. Get to be with my family for my birthday, and for a little baby shower for my sister, who is quite a ways into her pregnancy. So that's all very exciting. Then, off to Virginia for a week, which I am also very much looking forward to. The purpose of Virginia is to attend the 5-day orientation into Virginia Mennonite Missions tranSend program. yes, I have been here 4 months already, but I believe that there is a purpose in all things, and am praying I get some sort of essential information that will help me along in my time here.

Well, must be going off to my Spanish class. I got lazy for about 2 weeks and allowed myself a break, only to realize that I must continue in these lessons to keep my Spanish improving, henceforth increasing my ability to communicate, henceforth making everything here just a little bit easier.

Thanks for reading. I am a blessed girl. And that is very clear. Blessings to all of you!
And if you are in Iowa or Virginia, hope to see you sooooon!

April showers bring----May Rainy Season and lots of bugs! :)

Oh my, another couple weeks has passed already. I am enjoying living at my new housing location. I am enjoying going to the market, buying (super cheap) veggies, and making my own food. I also like the option of inviting people over if I want to.

Today I was invited to a fellow nurse's house to eat with her and her husband for lunch. We then went to the house where her siblings live, and then went to church in the evening. I have to say, it was just really nice. I felt like finally I might actually be starting to establish friendships. She had the patience to speak slowly and clearly, and I was just really happy to have had this experience. I have learned to celebrate the small, but substantial successes.

I just found out due to passport timing and legal deadlines, etc, I will be flying to the U.S. at the end of June for 3 weeks. (which allows me to be home for my 24th birthday on July 4). In some sense I feel a little unready just because I don't feel adjusted here yet, and it feels like it is weird timing to already be going home for a visit. But it will be good to see family and friends, and take the time to reflect on my time so far. Also I am looking forward to a week or so to be spent in Harrisonburg, VA, attending the orientation of tranSend, the program in which I am in Honduras under. I am praying that I will gain some useful input that will help me as I continue adjusting as an American in a new country.

Well, I didn't have parasites. I did manage to get a little of the "Central American Diet" as I call it, or, rather, Rotavirus, which pretty much is a digestive system virus. I got over it fairly quickly after a trip to the Dr., some antibiotics, IV fluids, and several days resting at home. I have to say, I don't know if I've ever experienced lack of appetite, but I certainly did at this time. It was probably good for me, being on the other side of the healthcare system, as the patient. :)

Work at the hospital is going about the same. Some days are great, some not so great. This past week I spent orientating in the intensive care unit, which I really actually enjoyed, even though it took a lot out of me to make sure I was practicing safely, due to my struggles communicating. Also got in to watch my first natural birth. That was a really neat experience as well. This week is night shift.

Prayer Concerns:
1) Continued Spanish progress
2) Making friendships and good relationships with my co-workers
3) Preparing for my trip to the U.S.
4) my cousins in Tegucigalpa as they prepare to move to the U.S. in June
5) The hospital, staff, administration, and patients
6) The health of Norma, my "Honduran/Argentinean mom."
7) Wisdom in finding my place in this ministry/hospital

As always, thanks for reading! Thank you for thoughts and prayers and support. Love you all. Hope to see you when I get to the States.

Honduras Happenings

I had the blessing of visiting my second cousin Melanie Miller and her husband Mark, and their 3 kids in Tegucigalpa 2 weekends ago. It was such a wonderful time, getting to know my cousin I never really got the opportunity to in the U.S. In this picture, is also Melanie's cousin on the other side, Janice. We got to take advantage of a beautiful Sunday afternoon after church and went hiking for several hours. We ended the evening with making sushi and mango ice cream! So goooood, and a lot of fun. It was so wonderful to be around a) family b)other fellow Mennonites c) seasoned missionaries who gave me some really great insight. It was also fun to get out of town for a few days and see a different part of Honduras. (pictures, taken from Mel's blog :) Thanks Mel)


There are a lot of things I could talk about here. But I am just going to take a second and recognize God's ability to provide what I need, right when I need it. Nothing less, sometimes nothing more.....but this time, he did provide more! I have been looking into the next place to move into as my host family has been great, but knowing it was a temporary arrangement. We have a retired doctor here on campus who has a house he needs watched for the next several months as he travels to the U.S. to visit his family, and more. And who got asked if she was interested?! ME!!! So, probably in the next day or two i'll be packin' my whole two luggage bags with my belongings and moving up the hill to a beautiful house with a great look-out over the city, completely furnished, completely a blessing. Talk about provision! I'm sorry, I could attribute that to consequence, or I could just call it as it really is, a blessing from God.

Spanish of course remains a challenge. It's weird how Spanish can go really well somedays, and the next I really struggle, which unfortunately sort of mandates how my shift goes at work. But I figure what other option do I have? Keep on going..........trusting it will indeed come with time and more practice. I have Spanish lessons all this week, which is helpful.

I mostly have been working in one area of the hospital. Sometimes it gets ho-hum, as it really is the general floor, what I worked in the U.S. But I realize that with my level of Spanish, it's probably all I can effectively do. So I am trying to be patient, and be content with sticking to what I know. I work second shift all this month. It's only bad for my social life. But every other aspect of my life loves it, since my body has been accustomed to this schedule for close to 6 years now.

Tonight was pretty cool there at the end. A woman walked in with THE largest pregnant tummy I have ever seen. Well, after all, she did have triplets in there! So in she went to surgery where they did a C-section, and I got to see their first bathing, shot of Vitamin K, weighing, you know, the whole newborn process. So amazing to see the buns directly right out of the oven!!! They didn't even cry, well, until the Vit. K injection of course. Beautiful little lives, wrapped up smelling of sweet and innocence, and wonder. Wow. I was only frustrated because I realized that the students caring for the babies knew way more than I do when it comes to newborns, or at least how to take care of them. One of the benefits to working on a floor that takes care of all populations, not this specialty stuff.

So reflections on the hospital. I was told that they are trying to integrate a more integral approach to the nursing care as it is still more of a team-care approach. I see so many things I think would work better if done differently, yet so overwhelmed, knowing I have to wait to suggest, knowing I don't really know how to go about making change, knowing that I am not an expert in any of the above, and more just overwhelmed as I am sometimes feel I am blindly exploring where my role is in the nursing staff, and in the hospital. Again, more time and patience. I also realize over and over that I am a spoiled nurse from the states, with unlimited supplies, with the utmost expectation for the highest patient care (at least in the hospital I worked.) Resources here are NOT limited. People wait for months for procedures, people travel 5 hours to see a urologist. People have to evaluate the cost of a procedure done in a private hospital, as it might mean they have to take their family member to a crappy state hospital, with pretty bad conditions. Hospital Evangelico may be hot, it may lack supplies at times, but it is no doubt CLEAN. And in general, the staff does pretty well in the care of their patients, despite the fact that there are few RNs.

So, prayer list time;
1) the last paragraph: that I can find where God wants me in this community. That he will help me discover what exactly he called me here to be (and do). Where are my gifts, where can I plug them in, and when?
2) relationship building, despite Spanish barriers: for friends, for a church family
3) for me to continue reaching to God for the answers, to search to be closer to his desires, rather than relying on myself and what I think I should do.
4) The hospital: always, for the administration, for the students, for the training of the staff, for the faith of the community, for the leadership.
5) For my cousins Mark and Melanie as they prepare for lots of adjustments in the coming year.
6) Passport/Residency issues

Praises:
1) No amoebas or parasites yet!
2) Housing situation
3) New friends
4) God's presence, especially in the lonely or difficult times

Thanks for your love and support, prayers, messages, letters, emails. Each and every one is greatly appreciated and enjoyed.
Love you all!
-Malerie

Culture Shock

Probably the worst part of culture shock for me is that my rationale does not function correctly. The worst part is that I find myself getting angry at Honduras for being so confusing and difficult to adjust to. For example, I find myself getting frustrated with the hospital staff because I can't understand them all the time, and they often can't understand me. Is this their fault? NO! Of course it's not. I do wish that some would take the time to listen to what I am saying, even though it takes a bit to get out my thoughts. I find people assuming what I'm trying to say, and it's not at all. Or is it just that I am saying my thoughts completely wrong??

I think I am feeling the normal cycle of adjustment difficulties. I don't like the way that the hospital operates, or is it that I am missing part of the process? See what I mean? So not only am I frustrated at the way the hospital operates, but more I'm frustrated, because I am confused most of the time. Or am I frustrated just because it operates differently from how I was trained, and suddenly I have to become as Jesus preached, "becoming like a child to enter the kingdom of heaven." This is, apparently, required when trying to function in another system/culture. Oh the joy of crossing cultures.

This week I looked in the mirror in the bathroom and thought to myself "an American girl (gringa) with less than sufficient Spanish working in a Spanish speaking hospital in Honduras. What in the world was I thinking? God, why did you call me here?"
So this is what I mean when I say, "You can discuss all you want about how one should react when crossing cultures, but you never know how you will actually react until you feel the chaos and craziness of trying to adapt to a new culture." Oh man.

This week has been a mix of observing surgery (which I still get whoozy when watching) working in the hospital, and observing specialist doctors see patients. Today I got into a baking madness as I made some chocolate cake and carrot cake for a going-away party for a new friend. Sounds like a small thing, but it was fun again, doing familiar things, even as simple as cooking and baking while listening to music help me to feel normal.

Speaking of feeling normal, today a patient just asked me if I was from the United States, and I was stupidly annoyed. I just wanted to be like, "uh, yeah! I do look pretty American don't I? I've got the American accent, isn't it obvious? Wanna say it a little louder to point out that I'm the foreigner who hasn't a clue what is going on?!?!?!" I didn't say it, knowing full well the patient was just being friendly, and I was once again, getting irrationally angry. I'm thinking of dying my hair black just so people have to second guess whether I'm American or not. There are a lot of really light-skinned Hondurans here. Then I remembered I really should just be who I am. That's probably what I do best....who knows. Black hair might be all right though :) Kidding...not on this gringa.

I have been blessed to be part of an English speaking Bible Study where we are studying the book of James. I have been super tired this week, also battling some bronchitis (which once again, I am on antibiotics), so I really was considering skipping, but am glad I didn't. I was blessed with the input of my fellow expats from the U.S. and Canada. By the way, fluids and rest doesn't always work to get rid of minor sicknesses. I have always stood by it, but a week later, here I am with respiratory junk. If you know m well, my answer to almost everything is rest and fluids. :) Proven wrong, again, that seems to happen a lot lately.

Another difficulty: PRODUCTIVITY! So, the U.S. has been blessed with an impecable ability to made most everything efficient and productive! Yes, it's become a bit of curse as I realize that it is now a crippler as I just want everything to work efficiently. I want to leave work and feel like I've been productive, and that time was spent well. TIME! To me, when I show up to work, I want to work, I don't want to take time for breakfast, I don't want to chill. If there is time to chill, then I'd rather be chilling at home. Work is not the place to chill. I went to work today at 7:00 as that's when the nurses get there to prepare for the dr who starts seeing patients at...........9:00. What? Since when does it take 2 hours to prepare for the day? Exactly, it doesn't. It should take 30-45 minutes...Maybe. So what does this tell you? It says that my mind is programmed to think of time differently. It can drive me crazy if I let it. So, that's what I"m trying to do: allow my mentality to change while in Honduras. It doesn't drive the Hondurans crazy, so why should it drive me crazy? Because I'm used to a very efficient schedule when it comes to healthcare. This is a HUGE change when patients come with appointments for the day, but no hour. Which means they will very well wait 4-8 hours sometimes to see a specialist, which of course I feel could all be solved with making hour appointments.....but what do I know? I'm a 23 year old American full of pipe-dreams, how many of those could or even SHOULD be reality though? That's my question.

The good news? I think I might be normal. It sounds like this is the typical tract for most people when moving to a new country, with a new language and a new culture. I certainly don't FEEL normal, but who ever said we should trust feelings? Exactly. They have always said to not live by your feelings at the moment.

Well, I need to go check on my carrot cake. Thanks for reading my venting session. :0) I hope you are well in whatever you are doing, and that you feel peace that you are where you need to be. If you don't, maybe you should move to Honduras. That'll learn ya! ;)
Blessings!

Week 3 in summary

Hello!
This picture is the much requested proof of me wearing my cofia. And my complete uniform. Whoever thought that it was a good idea to make medical professionals wear white didn't realize that nursing involves lots of body fluids--and stains. But whatever, I'm over it. :0)
This week has proved to be an enjoyable one as I got to visit the aspects of our PROSEC project here, which I don't know what it stands for, but it's our community health outreach, which involves daily visits to a clinic 15 minutes out, and also our mobile clinic, which this week involved a trip to a town 4 hours out. Tiring, but interesting.
The mobile clinic is really cool as it is especially affordable for consults, meds, and dental attention. Friday involved loading the truck on a ferry across a river to travel to the village. Care is pretty routine with respiratory infections, urinary tract infections, female cares, diarrhea, body aches, etc. Usually nothing too serious that some tylenol and antibiotics can't fix. At least, that's my understanding so far. Of course, there's always always the chance that I missed a lot of what the patients say. Next week is orienting to the general floor.
Spanish, well you know, continuously a challenge. Trying to be easier on myself and be okay with not understanding, and feeling silly for not. I'll be glad for the day when I feel comfortable with it.
I'm looking forward to Semana Santa (Holy Week) as it is a national holiday here, and I will be traveling somewhere (unknown at this time) to meet up with my friend Erin who is serving in Guatemala with SALT. I'll be glad to get some traveling in with a good friend.
I'm starting to miss certain things in the U.S. as spring is coming around, which is always a fun time in both VA and IA. But again, thankful that God has put me here, as I know I am growing and learning all sorts of things I'll look back and be thankful for. I am just starting up here, and am just starting to learn what it means to be effective in another culture. Need a lot more time for this one! But I have been blessed with a supportive community to be apart of, as well, as the community of friends and family I have sending emails and messages. Always glad for those.

Well, I think that's all for this week. Much love sent from here.

Rough day at the hospital

So this week I get the opportunity to work alongside a urologist from Boston as he can use some extra help with translating. I have gotten to learn a lot a lot of new cool things about the urinary system, and all sorts of tricks regarding the prostate gland and kidney stones.
I'm starting to see just how good we have it in the states. Part of why costs are so so high is because of the amount of waste we have. I'm blown away by their ability to use and reuse. But also, you probably would never experience your prostate resecting tool to go out part way through a surgery, and have no resources in how to go about getting it fixed for the 10 other surgeries scheduled this week. Praying that God will provide. So many of these men we are seeing REALLY need this surgery. Many have walked around with a foley catheter in for months at a time. One I think had it for 9 months?? You can tell the poorer ones b/c they don't even have a bag attached. Just a plug that they empty when their bladder gets full. Not a good or safe situation. Also, so much of the technology available in the states is super duper expensive. Here, if you can't afford it, it's unfortunate. We just don't get to have it. Simple stone-blasting lithotripsy is something we here can just not afford.
I'm also witnessing the long-suffering of many of the patients we see. Some have been living with pain related to kidney stones for close to a year. I've never had kidney stones, but I've heard they can be quite excruciating. I can't even imagine having to live with that for so long.
I also learned that bladder tumors are pretty directly related to smoking and second-hand smoke. So, be careful! Also for older men who are having trouble with hesitancy, lay off the coffee. It should help some. :) haha. Sorry girls, don't have any good urinary advice for you. :)
So after attempting translating most of the day and getting to watch this surgery, I'm pretty tired. I would like to go grocery shopping, but simply am too lazy to go out and do it. I'm so spoiled and used to hopping in the car, going to Food Lion or whatever, throwing my stuff in the car and coming home. No no, here it's walking a bit and taxi-ing or whatever. Not that hard, but you know, as I said, I'm tired! :) pobrecita.
anyways, these are just some of the tidbits that I am experiencing here at the hospital. Things are interesting, and always something to learn, which keeps me inspired! The doctor today reminded me of ways to be successful in serving your patients. a) be on top of your game and know your stuff. Read your nursing journal and stay on top of what is going on in your field b) have empathy for what they are probably feeling. Really for the first time, I'm starting to really see a need to do more studies, even if its independent research just so that I can know better how to care for people.
Thanks so much for your encouraging words and posts! It always brings a smile to my face.
Blessings to you, and peace as well.

Finally Here!

Hello! I am happy to be able to be writing this first blog here in Sigua after my 5th complete day. You can probably guess a lot of what my feelings have been since I got here late Thursday evening. Excitement, Embarrassment, Worry. Can you believe it? I've even felt timid! Probably my biggest thing right now is trying to learn Spanish, of course. People have been gracious, but it seems even my simple vocab I learned back in highschool has left me, and my ability to conjugate verbs properly is also a challenge. But, as they have encouraged me, "Poco a Poco Malerie." Little by little I will learn.

So the basics of what's up:

I am living in the house of one of the doctors and his wife who is a nurse. They have been so good to me in helping me get organized with buying a simple cell phone to trying to get the internet for my computer, (we've been so far unsuccessful) getting my nurse's hat, a bank account, introducing me to people, etc. Also their niece lives with them too who is in the university studying. So I have a friend here.

There is a dorm on campus here for single nurses to live in. Probably in a month or so I will move there when I am more independent and can figure things out for my own. This house is really nice to live in, and feels like such a safe-haven. But it will be good for me to live with other nurses and find new Honduras friends. It will also help me get out and about a bit, b/c I will have to.

This is a community with a huge Christian influence. There aren't Mennonites in this area. The denomination I think is called Central American. Im not really all that well-oriented to it yet. But there are many opportunities to get involved with Bible Studies and such. These are not just Sunday morning Christians, that is for sure. They live and employ what they believe. A very nice group of people to work with.

The hospital is run completely different from what I am used to, which is to be expected. The nurses wear nurse hats which I am too. I get a black ribbon on mine b/c I'm a professional nurse, versus the auxiliar nurses who wear green. Pictures to come later. The doctors have been very nice and very friendly in welcoming me to the staff. I feel really dumb a lot due to my Spanish limitations, but they haven't made me feel bad in the least. The hospital is closely intwined to their nursing school so the students work alongside the nurses. Truly with me though, "student becomes teacher." I have to ask them all the questions. I'm super impressed with their resourcefulness. The way they sanitize and reuse stuff is actually really refreshing to me. For example, today I was helping with an EKG, and I went to throw the sticker tabs away and the student was like, 'oh, we reuse those." It never even occurred to me.

I have a whole lot to learn there, but again, "poco a poco."

I hope to soon become braver and start to explore the community outside of the hospital soon. My 'host brother' told me that I shouldn't rush the adaptation process, so I feel okay about not getting out too fast. I'll get there for sure.

The weather is so pleasant here. The mornings are a bit chilly, but the days are pleasantly warm and sunny. I love it. I did catch a small bout of bronchitis (I guess) maybe with the change of air, etc. I never felt sick, but the doctor went ahead and prescribed amoxicillin. Okay. Sure guess I'd rather do that then get a worse cough or something.

Matters for prayer if you're the prayin' kind: :)

-Spanish skills, and that they come quickly

-patience for myself. Realization that cross-cultural adaptation does not happen in 1 week.

-Norma and Enrique, my host parents who are actually in California for missions week. For their safety and contribution.

I have enjoyed getting emails and facebook posts from some of you. I'll continue to update as I can. Blessings to you! A big hug from me in Honduras.